lilbaaka

Baka · @lilbaaka

30th Aug 2020 from TwitLonger

My experience with ShooK.


Anything and everything said should NOT directly effect Obey Alliance. There are great people involved in the organization and I know they'll keep pushing forward past this.

In July of 2019 I joined a grinder's chat for the Summer Obey RC. I should mention, during this time frame I was 17 years old. I didn't know much about Obey as I was relatively new to the esports scene. I crack a few jokes aimed towards him as I usually do in group chats and within minutes he's in my DM's. I forgot how the conversation went exactly, but it ended off innocently and nothing seemed at all creepy to me at the given time. He continued to message me the days following and because I knew nothing about him I asked him if he wanted to call with me so I could pick his brain about business/his military career. He agreed to this call and it took place August 2, 2019.
For most of the call we discussed his assets in Obey and he talked quite a bit about his fortune. Towards the end of the call he messages, "Mighhhhht pick you up" referring to picking me up to Obey. During this call I mention that I am in fact 17 and he mentions that he is 30. From this point I assumed after the call we'd never talk again. He then mentions at the end that he wants to keep in contact and we should talk again soon.
Following this he never directly called me but always messaged me to call him via Twitter. I am sure this was to protect himself in case I said anything at the given time and he didn't want receipts of our multiple conversations being initiated by him. At this point everything was innocent between us and it appeared a friendship was forming.
August 24th, 2019.
This was the day he first told me he liked me. We we're in a group and he was very intoxicated. He had spammed my DM's with multiple random flirty messages and I won't lie, I wasn't as opposed to it as I should've been. At some points I downright flirted right back. There were definitely things said and even more things implied that crossed several lines.
September 1st, 2019.
He messages me yet again that he likes me and tells me that I'm his. I never agreed to this and continued to deny dating him. He then says something along the lines of I have no choice and that he will get his way. I told him I'd want to get to know him first and that would take time, up to 2 years time. He straight up refused to wait this long and said if I don't date him he won't talk to me anymore.
9/22/2019.
This was the first time I called him babe over text so I'll assume we started dating before or on this date. At this time I am still 17. You can assume the rest.

The relationship: The good and the bad.

The good- During our first 8 months together we had no problems. No fights, nothing. He was there for me through some of my hardest times. Whether it be health related during the COVID situation where I lost my grandmother and had my own triumphs to overcome or helping me out financially/emotionally through every bad time that came. As for the times we were together in person, these were some of the best memories I'll ever have. For this, I will always be grateful for what he did and in my heart I know he was not being malicious but instead he was lonely and lost when he met me. This still doesn't excuse his actions, but I will not deny any of this.

The bad- After this health issues and losses he had made a mention to me, "I sort of liked it when you were bedridden, because you had to rely on me". These were words I didn't understand the depth of until later.
After months of keeping our relationship secret from everyone around us, when we decided to be open about the relationship after I turned 18 he lied about my age to my friends and the people in Obey. Sometimes saying I'm 19, and at times going as far as to say I'm 22.

The really bad- It wasn't until recently I began to notice what was truly wrong with the relationship. Not only should a 30 year old man engage a teenager and guilt trip them into liking him back, but I also noticed he had separated me from anyone and everyone in my life during and before our relationship. He wanted control of everyone I talked to, and if he didn't have it he would lash out in anger and accuse me for messing around or pull the line, "It's not you I don't trust, it's them". Eventually I noticed everyone around me drift away and he was my morning, afternoon and night. Anytime I'd have concerns over something he did/said, he would make me feel crazy and unjustified. He would play mind games and tell me that because I'm young I just don't know how to talk about my feelings yet and that's how he would justify yelling at me and telling me to, "Shut the fuck up".

Writing this twitlonger has been a constant moral battle for me these last few days. We had a lot of good memories together, but I can't help but feel I was groomed and manipulated in the beginning. Do I think his feelings for me weren't real? No. I know they were. That's what makes writing this so heart wrenching and difficult. I just don't want it to happen to anyone else and so I feel I have to to get it out there.

ShooK, I hope this gives you the opportunity to step back and focus on the people around you and yourself.

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