TW /// Grooming & Sexual Assault
My experience, TW /// grooming and sexual assault, his name may remain anonymous, I don't know how or where to start. Um, I happened to hit it off with one guy, we would talk or face-timed everyday. We was mutual on online but he texted me and we talked everything on online. He was seventeen. I was thirteen that time, we would talk about literally anything, I knew I liked him at that time and before he became adult. I was super happy that time, without hitting the block or getting dragged into something that time.. When I get too attached to the person, I'll be very clingy and cares too much. Of course, I was attached to him, he was my role model and I thought highly of him. For awhile, I was enraged and sad. When I was still thirteen, I was really depressed, I never receive any compliments from any boys or friends, I felt like alone and was obsessed with fixing myself. I was doing really bad in school, my sleep schedule, avoiding school and didn't do good enough. I was so entitled about people's opinions. AT that time, he encouraged me to send him pictures, and stuffs. I didn't know what to do and I thought it was mean't for complimenting girls, the ones with low self esteems or high esteems and a pride. I thought it was validate girls or stuffs like that. My School really never taught us what " sexual assault " means and I thought it was OK for people to do that. If I knew it was a sexual assault, I would've block him on everything, social medias and stuffs. I didn't know how to react at all, I was never taught how to react to someone asking for nudes. I was mortified but I thought it was OK because he was a " friend " to me. I was too terrified to tell my parents because how will they react or discriminate me.. I think highly of my parents. Disappointing my parents is last thing I want. For awhile, I was depressed, my mind was closed, I wouldn't talk to anybody at all, I told that guy all about the mindset I had and we faded after that. I never told to my parents, friends and people about him. Several months later when I became fourteen and months later, he texted me saying , "hi! do you have snap chat?" I gave him mine. I was excited because I felt like the old days will come around again.. I forgave him and forgot about some specifics stuffs he did to me. We didn't hit it off, he was busy, partying and stuffs like that. One day, apparently he was drunk or high, he told me he sometimes j*** off to my pictures and sent a video of him doing it then asked for some nudes, I was terrified because he's LEGAL adult and towards to a MINOR / me. I didn't know how or what to say at all, he said some extremely stuffs to me and sent d*** pictures. He even begged me to send him stuffs or video. I was very uncomfortable then HE said, " we can do this but like as friends helping each-other. " Again, he is adult. He was someone that I thought as special friend and he was very kind guy. He changed. I didn't want to hurt his feelings at all, I said it out of spite and didn't think things properly and no one really taught me how to handle things right. Days later, he asked for stuffs again and sexted me. I didn't reply back at all. For awhile, he texted me saying he's very sorry for what he did and stuffs. I told him it was OK but I KNEW it was not at all. I felt like everything was my fault and take the blame. I took the blame. Later then, I told my friend about my whole experience, he explained everything and I realized I was blinded by the morality. I am really mortified, disgusted at myself and him. Again, he knew I was thirteen/fourteen that time and he took the opportunity. He is an adult and he manipulated, took advantage of and sexually assaulted me. He is the reason why I am scared or uncomfortable around men to this day. To any school, please teach or educate your students about the assault and how to be careful. I was never taught how to. Nobody deserves to go through this. I needed to get this out of my chest. Thank you for reading my experience. I never told anybody my experience until now and recent. His name may remain anonymous.