lyn【EN/廣東Vtuber】 · @_shunao
12th Aug 2020 from TwitLonger
Response to Jason (GCYoshi13).
I have read what Jason (GCYoshi13) wrote and I wanted to share my side of what happened at EVO 2014, as well as address other things he brought up in his story.
I will state clearly that this is not to completely shut down Jason's Twitlonger, but to expand on what happened between him, me, and my ex/boyfriend at that time. His feelings on this situation are valid. I do not want people to attack him or the other people mentioned who were part of this if you know them.
I come from a sheltered family. When I started college, it was a completely new experience to me. I did not have many friends before college and in college, and much less friends that shared my interests. If I found anyone who I enjoyed my time with, and them with me, I became attached to them and it wasn't abnormal to be physically affectionate with them. While my upbringing made it easier for me to be closer to people without it having any flirtatious or sexual meaning, I can understand why Jason could see it differently. Over the six years, I've grown a lot as a person, and I recognized and understand now how the situation back in 2014 could be seen.
I will begin my story earlier in 2014 when I was still with my ex-boyfriend. I will be using the name "Bill" as well.
Bill and I wanted to go to EVO together some day. We made plans to go together in 2014, but he told me that he did not have the money for it. EVO was an amazing event to me back then, especially since I was going to meet and hang out with people I knew who had the same interest as me. I wanted it to be a surprise for my online friends who I would be meeting offline, and I wanted to surprise Bill that I got to go. I was going to get him a present at EVO. I asked Jason if he was going because I did not know anyone else going at the time. My parents, worried about me, told me that I can go to EVO as long as I knew the person who I was going with and as long as I stick with them. I let my parents know about Jason and that I trusted him. They gave the okay with the condition that my mother had Jason’s phone number. He agreed.
My mother dropped me off at Jason's home, and his mother drove us both to a local Grayhound bus station. During the bus ride, I was tired yet excited I can be going to an event to hang out and meet my friends. I put my head on Jason's shoulder, acknowledging him as my friend as this is something I had done in the past with all my friends. I recognize now how that could have been seen differently.
When we made it to Vegas, I don't remember if I asked Corimon for space in her room or assumed Jason already had a hotel room since it was six years ago. Neither was the case. Jason told me he did not have a room because he was going to stay with his sponsor, Marvelous Customs. Jason and his sponsor offered me a spot in the suite where we could share a king size bed. Everyone said they were fine with it.
One night after eating dinner, we met up with Brokentier people in their room. We were playing UMVC3 and I recall having fun with everyone in the room there until they brought up smoking.
I was sensitive about smoking because of a recent situation at the time with someone I was close to. I let someone I trusted in the group know that I felt uncomfortable with smoking, but felt like I wanted to stay to continue to spend time with them. He told me that if I don't feel comfortable, then I shouldn't be forced to stay in the room and encouraged me that no one would think badly of me because I left due to smoking. I agreed and returned to the Marvelous Customs suite, while Jason stayed in the Brokentier room. This made me feel uncomfortable because my parents told me to stick with Jason while in Vegas, and I was essentially going against their word by leaving without him.
Back at the suite, I don't remember if I called Bill or if Bill called me, but I do recall being excited to tell him that I was at EVO, but the excitement fell short when Bill turned out to be upset at me. He told me that he wanted us to go to EVO together, intended as a couple, and we broke up because of this miscommunication. We hung up and I was very upset.
After that happened and Jason returned, I was emotionally distraught. Just having broke up with Bill and already being sensitive to things related to smoking, I told Jason to sleep on the couch because he smelled like smoke. A few minutes later, I realized it was rude of me to do that because this suite was his sponsor's and we were supposed to share the bed. I changed my mind and told him he could sleep on the bed.
I got close to Jason in bed because I was emotionally overwhelmed. I felt lost on the situation between Bill and I, and I turned to Jason for support. I regret putting Jason in this situation. While I thought it was consensual at that time, now that I know how he feels, I understand better his perspective. I recalled asking him questions like "Am I a bad girlfriend?" "Do you think I'm cute" because Bill said that I was bad since I went without him. While I did initiate sexual interaction, during this time I became increasingly uncomfortable with our actions and ultimately asked him to stop. He agreed and stopped when I asked.
After the heat of the moment, I recall Jason and I mutually agreeing to not bring this situation up anymore citing "whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" because we were both uncomfortable with what happened afterwards. I don't recall bringing that up myself, but I do recall agreeing to that statement together. EVO ended and the situation was not brought up between us at all afterwards.
While Jason didn't bring this up, I feel this is important information to share about what happened between us after EVO. I don't remember if he asked or I asked to visit Jason, but I recall him picking me up from the train station and telling me his parents were not home at the time. I wanted to play videogames and keep the friendship intact after what happened, believing we left the EVO 2014 events behind us. We ended up playing games together and it got to a point where he was trying to teach me how to do something in game, and ended up putting his hands on mine. The situation got sexually intense again and I got uncomfortable again. I asked Jason to stop and he agreed, and stopped again when I asked. Since then, I felt uncomfortable when it was just the two of us and never went to his home again.
After this last encounter with Jason, it was getting close to Bill's birthday, and Bill still invited me to hang out with him and his family. I recall telling Bill that it was awkward and unfair to put me in that position because we broke up at EVO. I remember him saying he didn't want that to happen and said that I should go anyways to at least not have his parents ask questions. I created a relationship with his family and during the birthday event, his sister picked up right away we weren't together. I don't recall the full conversation, but I was hinted to try to get back together with Bill. I wanted friends, I wanted to keep the peace. I felt bad that I betrayed his feelings over the EVO surprise. We got back together when we returned from summer break because we still stayed in the same college apartment and we wanted to try the relationship again. Bill and I officially broke up in summer 2015.
Between 2015 and 2018, I was going out with Alan. When Alan told me to go home from casuals by asking Jason for a ride, I felt uncomfortable because of the EVO 2014 event and the event that transpired after, and stated that "[Jason] put himself on me." I did not expand on what happened between me and Jason, because we had both agreed to move past it and not talk about it.
I had said this to Alan at the time when recalling the events from that EVO. Being sexually inexperienced at the time, I was uncomfortable with how fast things moved and used the wording "crossed the line" with Alan to describe how I felt at that moment. I apologize that this hurt Jason, as it was never meant as a slight towards him, but I can understand why my words could put Jason into a negative light. I elaborated more on this privately with Jason over this past week when he messaged me, and also apologized privately for using that wording when my intention wasn't to hurt him at all. I also acknowledged privately to Jason that while my intention wasn't to hurt him, I should not have used "put himself on me" and "crossed the line" and apologized for that as well.
We tried to resolve this privately together, but we could not see things eye to eye. He blocked me, with the issue being unresolved.
I felt lost after we spoke privately. I did not know how I could have resolved this better. I apologized multiple times privately that I did not mean to hurt Jason. He told me to write to Alan to apologize how I worded the situation between us in 2014. I importantly told Alan that "I wanted to state that there was two consenting adults doing things but when he crossed the line [to me], he stopped when I asked."
(Using Jason's screenshot as well: http://imgur.com/a/Z7JELNc)
I feel like meaning was lost behind my words because we continued to fail to see eye to eye on an experience we both viewed differently. I acknowledge where I went wrong, and had no intention of making this issue public to defame Jason in any way. We were in an awkward position when EVO 2014 happened, and what happened after that at his home. I was still learning, young, and very inexperienced. I recognize that now how Jason felt and how he feels is valid. However, I did not cheat on Bill and never affirmed to Jason or anyone that I did.
I feel sad and confused over the situation that was brought up again. I felt attacked by my exes and I feel like I was not given a chance to share my point of view. While Jason said privately that he was not choosing sides, it was pretty clear where he already stood when contacting me when saying he “couldn’t trust” me after I attempted to share my perspective. My attempts to talk to my exes fell onto deaf ears because they were talking amongst each other about me, not really to me to understand my side. I can understand why Jason is upset and while I apologized multiple times privately, I was still defensive on my stance because something I thought was resolved was brought to light again.
I acknowledge that the way I spoke to Alan about Jason was wrong. I used “put himself on me” and “crossed the line” because, while it started off consensual, as it progressed I did not feel comfortable in the situation. The conversation I had with Alan about Jason was short, because Jason and I both agreed to move past it and we both didn’t want to bring it up. Because of this, it was hard to express how it made me feel and those were the words I had chosen, and in retrospect, it was a poor choice that hurt Jason. I am sorry for that, and for the additional hurt that this may have caused Jason for our situation being brought up again.
Thank you for reading.