My ban from ESA has been lifted

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In a reply to this tweet, I have left the full text of the letter I received from European Speedrunner Assembly. They have officially reversed my indefinite ban, and retracted accusations against my character made in their original letter.

Since my ban, I have maintained what I feel is a constructive and open dialogue with ESA. I have also spoken at length with many community members, public and private, about everything that has transpired over the last few days. I have listened to those that has voiced support, critique, and some mixture of both.

For almost all, they recognize my good intent. I am grateful that the community has shown me such goodwill, and I want to especially voice my gratitude for those that have voiced their support for me. You have been an immense help during this time when I have been extremely visible to our community, and not in a light anyone would ever want.

For many of us, it is not an easy time. Speedrunning is, often, an oasis for us from the cruel dealings of the real world; especially now, with an unprecedented global pandemic and the recent widespread civil unrest. I have seen, and felt, a lot of suffering. In my state of raw emotion I have minced no words.

I feel a certain level of grit is appropriate when handling matters of extreme distress, but I recognize my nature has inched in a toxic direction. I attribute this to the personal distress I have felt lately, and while I want to be an arbiter of good and a voice for change, frankly, the anger I have shown is not who I am, and is not who I want to be.

To those reading, I ask you give ESA room to grow and learn from this. Do not harbor ill will against them. I have felt hurt, but I also feel now that they desire to make this right. I know many involved in this organization, and I know them to be good people. I additionally ask you give Cheese, who I have quite publicly lambasted, this consideration. Allow others to grow. Be heard, but be fair. Be understanding.

To Cheese, regardless of your misdeeds, I know for certain that I took out personal anger on you, and that is not fair. I feel I was right to address your behavior, but I know it could have been handled better.

To Ouranea, I deeply regret that you have been hurt by my actions.

I cannot speak on behalf of ESA for how they will move forward on the indefinite bans issued during this incident to Punchy, Cheese, or Call_Me_Zeroo. I do feel that my ban lacks much more foundation than the others issued, and this is why ESA has reversed mine at this time.

I would like to heal from this now.

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