Ultimate Bean · @solarbean98
7th Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
My experiences with manipulation from Bingsu
I met David (Bingsu/Dreamer) about a year ago in April. We had connected over super smash, as he was a competitor and knew one of my own friends within the community. He was someone I felt immediately safe with as he flattered me and shared with me that we had encountered similar unfortunate experiences in the past. Within less than a week we had agreed to begin dating exclusively.
Immediately there were red flags. Despite having decided to be with me, he continued to be on tinder, talking to other girls as "friends." He even brought these strange girls to meet his own friends at fanime on multiple ocassions. After fanime he would spend the night with me, because he had just moved out of his ex girlfriends dorm room, and now resided with his parents in morgan hill, but couldn't come home after missing his curfew. On the third night of fanime he ended up getting so drunk he woke up in another girl's bed in south san Jose. He immediately texted one of his friends that morning about what had happened and told her he didnt recall what happened but "he thinks he liked it."
He took hours before he informed me of what happened but changed the story saying he didnt recall what happened, but if something did happen it was nonconsensual and therefore rape.
From then on, our issues grew. He continued to flatter me, and say I was the reason he wanted to live, told me he was in love with me and that he held me on the highest pedestal in his life. And then when he went to Europe on a trip with his parents, he started having major suicidal ideations. He began asking if I would be okay with him having relations with people there while he was gone, and I told him I was uncomfortable with that. In response, the next time he had suicidal ideations he broke up with me stating the cause as "not wanting to hurt me, if he did do something." We had had a miscommunication and I believed things were okay and on the mend between us when he began talking to me normally after that, however he was already meeting up with people there and even told a friend that he had "a swedish girlfriend, whom he planned on bringing to SF for audiotistic."
The friend in question informed my close friend, Age, who informed me of the situation, and all hell broke loose. I ended up contacting the woman in question, who is now his current girlfriend.
I preface with all this to show how easy it is for him to lie to people.
When I confronted David he told me he had already met her in person. They had only talked and held hands, according to him, and therefore he had not cheated. When I spoke with her privately, she informed me they had not met in person but they had planned to the next day. She called things off with him, thanking me for warning her of what was going on.
David, upset, admonished his friend for telling other people his business, and insisted they never speak regarding his actions without his consent again.
Time progressed and David and I stopped talking. He had begun dating someone else upon returning from Europe, but upon tiring of her returned to me. He called her crazy, manipulative, and obsessive. He would use these same traits as descriptors for all of his previous ex girlfriends, and even myself. When I was with david, he blatantly disrespected my wishes. I had been living at my grandparents home and had told him he couldnt come over anymore because my grandmother would kick me out. He assured me he understood, but when things became hard I ended up letting him sleep over so that he wouldnt drive home drunk. I knew from experience that he would often leave tournaments buzzed and would refuse to stop on the side of the road to sober up, so I consciously made the decision to sneak him in to keep him safe. I would inform him that we couldn't have sex, as I didnt want to make noise and bother my grandparents. He would assure me that was fine, before beginning to kiss me and push my boundaries until I gave in. He would say it was okay, that we werent doing anything, even though I was worried, but I loved him and wanted to keep him happy. Once he found his own place in san jose and I visited him there he would mimick with me what he had done to SaNTa!!!. Begging with puppy eyes, saying please, with a baby voice, and shoving my head down toward his penis so I would give him oral sex. I obliged as I didn't mind, but I was unaware these were tactics he had previously used upon people who didnt want to perform those sexual acts for him, and this knowledge now disgusts me.
David was a part of my life for months. As issues occured I would vent to mutual friends and seek advice, always asking every person I talked to, to please not judge him or let my issues with him color their feelings and friendship toward him. After the fact people would inform me of their own issues with him.
David gaslit me, lied to me, and hurt me multiple times during our relationship and always refused to take accountability for his actions. Even going so far as to attack the sjsu chat for "ruining my new years," when I was accross the US and having issues with him once more.
David, in my experience has always been paranoid and intimidated by people in his friend group, expressing that he felt that everyone was out to get him. He asked me multiple times if I knew why people didnt like him. Occassionally I would try to steer him in the right direction, and would omit the names of those who came to me in confidence, simply stating what he could do to mend things. He would turn on me and begin to manipulate me saying that I needed to tell him who said what, or else I was on everyone else's side and trying to ruin his life too.
Even now, I have dropped david once again. He tried befriending me while omitting the name of his significant other, knowing it would cause me pain, as said person had been an issue for us during our relationship. Once he told me, I informed him of my need for space from him. As issues arise now, he has decided to blame me for other peoples issues with him, claiming that my goal is to ruin his life. He even went so far as to call me, accusing me that SaNta!!! told him I was accusing him of rape. He tried gaslighting me the other day claiming my friend, Age, had threatened to attack him physically the next time he sees him in person. And yet he makes himself out to be the victim while he hurts myself and the people I care for.
I post all of this to stand in solidarity with my friends within the Super Smash community. Everyone has a right to feel safe as they play, and I feel that context is necessary for these issues to be taken seriously. Without many of my experiences, I'm sure many would accuse my friends of heresay and libel, but I ask that you please take us seriously. These experiences show a pattern in his behavior, a disregard for others, and make me believe that he lies so much he no longer differentiates between his gaslighting tactics and reality. I have taken the freedom of omitting names here as well for their own personal safety.