Hello guys. I was not going to post anything
Specially because how dedicate the situation is with smash right now, I was afraid of saying anything, or accussed of anything ( in my perception, i did not do anything wrong) but i am willing to keep my mind open and accept if with arguments i get prooven differently.
Also, in the next storie, I will avoid talking about what any of these people told me about theyre lives or what i know what happened with them after we stopped talking, because it is not my right to expose people's secrets. I have secrets of my own.
We will call these characters : friend 1 ( she is a girl i strongly liked ) , friend 2, friend 3, and friend 4 ( which this friend was a top player. ( i will not say theyre names until they decide to step up and share theyre side, but that is not for me to judge. )
Its 2014, i believe pm was growing idk, but during this time i got to meet friend 2. We became really good friends to the point that he would know my family and vice versa, and i would love to have political conversations since friend's 2 mom was cuban, and i come from venezuela ( two heavily corrupted countries).
We chilled and picked each other for tournaments and then, friend 1 joined the friend circle. With a good 6 months of knowing each other me, and friend 1 were really good friends. Friend 1 had a boyfriend at the time, and with the time i had known her for, i started to like her. At first i decided not do say anything, since the most logical thing to do is to respect the relationship she had, but then I gave in and i opened myself to her. ( i was 25 and she was 22 at the time IF i remember clearly ( she was an adult, this is not a pedo story). When i opened myself to her, she opened herself back , and she WAS clear about having a boyfriend and that this could not be possible at the time evem tho I really liked her, and she had claimed to me that she liked me back. We decided to avoid this conversations for a couple of months, we were still friends, but then the flirting and the conversations of liking each other started happening more frequently.
2015, we had been speaking to each other about we liking each other for a month and a half or two months now, and at this point i really felt that i liked her a lot and probably too much for my own taste when i look back ( at this point, i want to clarify that in my several past relationships, i was never toxic, never raped, harrassed, forced, or instigated any1). This conversations started to get more frustrating for me, because at the same time i felt crazy about friend 1, she had a boyfriend, so bc the confidence we had to each other at that given time, i could not do much besides getting small things for her like mcdonald food, or a chocolate bar. I would drop it at her place and dip, i would not see her since that was her parameter. At this point, i was crazy about her, and I would tell her that i wanted to wait for her ( which didnt make much sense, i was obviously dumb). She would tell me that she did not like to have me waiting, and at the same time she would tell me that she would be jelous if she would see me dating another woman). Stupid blea decides to wait in this situation, but I would tell her that even tho i would decide to wait, i would also request if she could tell me if she wanted to not talk to me. ( it was enough for me to figure that it was probably really frustrating for her to handle the relationship she had at the time, and a different man that really liked her on the other side, this second man beeing me. ). At this point, I would pick her up to go to versus gaming center, and dropped her back off. This would happen many times, and i would never talk about us, neither would she, we would just act as friends, because that is what we were, and even tho it hurt me, i would just keep going. ( at this point, i had drastically changed from past blea, because i was a party guy. I would be in multiple miami parties with smashers linguini, trikrome, dop, etc, but i had stopped partyjng at that time because i didnt want to party, i did not want to be with my friends, i wanted to be with her and i didnt care if it was just like friends, I enjoyed her).
One night, friend 1, friend's 1 girlfriend, and myself, go to a bar in miami called the wynwood taverm. We had smash setups, and drinks, and we would play melee, pm, or drink. The night was fun, and we decide to leave. Me , friend 1, and friend's 1 girlfriend are in the car. I drop friend's 1 girlfriend first, and i then park in friends 1 house. We were talking for a little bit when i was getting there, and with two months of talking to each other, and me stopping myself from doing anything in public, when we were saying goodbye, and i tried to kiss her. I did not rush, forced, or verbally implied the kiss, i went for a kiss to see if the moment was right ( bad idea) and she denied ( the kiss did not happen) I backed up, and said sorry, and did not try that again. We kept talking about us, but at this point she would be a little more dry. I would notice that, but i kept treating her as a friend. We would go on to go to versus or friends house a couple of more times
I want to say that friend 1 and I conversations would slow down, but this was frustrating me internally, because i was really into her and i thought i was losing her, even tho the only things i got from her was that she liked me, and liked speaking to me. One night, i ride with friend 1, and friend's 1 girlfriend to versus gaming center. In versus gaming center, we would have fun, it i was moody because of the situation and tried my best to ignore it, and just played games with friends. We were there until like 11 if i remember clearly, and we started to drive back home, because she had a house party ot something were they played pm, but i did not want to go even tho I was invited, because i did not like PM anymore. When i get there, i realize that her boyfriend was waiting outside, and for some reason this hurt me really bad, so I was innmature, and when they both got off the car, and i made sure they were far enough of the car, i sped up super fast and dipped. I cried a bunch that night.
I arrived home, and like at 1 am or 2, i messaged friends 1 girlfriend to ser if she wanted to speak. When this happened, i broke the silence, and accepted to her that I wad crazy about friend 1, and had told her why i was upset, and what would i do. She was nice to me, heard me, chilled me down, and told me to not talk to her that night. I did listen to that, but I think i did message her a good night. ( just a good night message or something, but more dry than how i would say good night to her).
Next day, it was morning since i did not sleep much, and she was awake. I called her a good 2 or 3 times, and she did not pick up. I had told her that i wanted totalk on msn whenever she could and she messaged me back like an hour later. In this conversation, i would explain to her that i hate feeling like the second dish, and i did not wanna pressure her but what was there anything for me there? Or did she want me to go? I needed to know wince she was dry, and evem tho i would had asked her several times if she wanted me to leave, she would say no, this time she said yes, she wanted me to leave. I cried with her over the phone, and i told her i did not want to talk to her for some time for me to find myself again ( i was really a mess). She tried talking to me to keep talking, but i was inmature and really upset, and i told her i really rather not talking, and i did not know for how long, but i needed to find a way to feel better. I got a lot of support from a different friend called Giovanny/cubansandwhich, and he would see me at my worst. Ceo 2015 was around the corner and i really did not want to go. But versus had already got me the ticket, hotel room, and i decided to go anyways bc fk it. Me and friend 1 did not speak anymore, and friend 2 had revealed a reason of my moddyness during the times we were all friends, and he never apologized, in fact, after friend 2 asking me what was up with me one time because i was upset, i had told him why i was, and also told him not to say anything to friend 1 because even tho the reason didnt have to do anything with her, i dont live throwing my family problems all around, because they are mine to keep and friend 2 told me he wouldnt do it but he did anyways, and when i confronted him about it, he told me he would do that any day because he was friends 1 best friend. I understand this, but dont tell me that u wont tell her and then u tell her, y asking me in the first place ( this would also break my confidence with friend 2). So at this point im not friend of friend 1/2/3.
When we go to CEO (worst tournament of my life) i underperform losing to Toph ( sorry toph i still think u r cool) and to articanus ( sorry articanus i think u r cool too). It was a terrible bracket for me and with all the stuff that was happening and i was out day 1, fuck that shit. I went to the hotel room and stood there alone for the majority of the tournament. Friend 4 ( which was a top player sponsored by my same sponsor, would come to the room on day 1 , asking to me about what was going on, and I would deny to tell him. He tried cheering me up for not even passing pools, and i appreciated it, but told him i wanted to stay laying down in our hotel room. I dont remember how many days was ceo 2015, but i know that either the first night or the second night, friend four tried getting me out of bed, and was telling me that hugs and the people he was drinking with had asked him where was I. I told him to tell them that i felt sick or some jhon like that. Whatever ceo happened we go back to miami and life goes on.
Gio/cuban sandwhich's birthday reunion its about to happen, and i think he really tried to have me, and friend 1/ friend 2 talk it out. I was still super hurt, and even tho cuba sanwhich and i are super homies, i decided not to go. So i called him, i apologized, and since i found out on the way to his house that friend 1 and 2 were there, i called hifox and went to his house to play melee instead.
Idk why, because i would vent to my friends about liking friend 1 but not being able to do anything, but i never talked bad about friend 1 or 2, but friend 1, friend 2, and friend 3 ( i barely knew him at the time ) started what i call cyber bullying is. South florida melee is our facebook group, and they would post pictures of luigi crying, or since at this point friend 4 and myself were measuring our gaming potentials with each other and being inmature about it, they would make fun of my accent saying stuff like " i beat ( friends 4 name) in ebery nashionel" as if i pronounce it like that ( sorry if i do) and would do this for a year probably more. This was super tough for me. I decided not to nake a big deal about it, but friend 4 would insult me a lot during our sets, and then this would happen publicly on our region group. 2 times, maybe 3 but idrc, i had insulted them on our discord group, because i had nowhere else to talk to them, and smash life was reeeeally bad for me during this time, to the point i almost quit
( rula, and cuban sandwhich were aware of this). But i kept going, i was a couple with my current wife at the time and she would tell me not to pay attention to those comments and just go compete and be with my real friends. But i was depressed inside because there was no way to speak this as adults. If i would try to approach, they would say stuff like how i spoke, or how i would cry. I didnt cry anymore, i would just go outside, smoke 2 cigs, breathe, and go back in.
Years later, 2018, me and friend 1, had a long conversation after not speaking for a loooong time, but we could finally talk, and she had claimed to me during that conv that she felt bad bc i tried to kiss her, and that i harassed her. I felt bad too, because i went for the kiss after two months speaking to each other about liking each other ( which in my perspective, its natural. At least my past relationships have been that way were we dont say it it just happens after is obvious there is a like from both parts, plus i had apologized on the spot and backed up to never try again) and that i was heavily harrased after that. She apologized foe that harassment too. Obviously, seems like some stuff its still in the open, and i did went to her to see if she wanted to speak, since in the last conversation she was open to speak about the matter like grown adults ( as if i had not tried to say this to her when this was all happening but whatever) and she denied, so i am placing my story here for two reasons.
I am a married man, I have barely changed anything since that time, i dont think i have to correct something of what i did and if i do please let me know, but in my perspective, i was harassed super hard, and i could not do anything about it. She told me she felt harassed, and i asked several times why when we last spoke, and she told me she was afraid of ne because she says i would be obsessed abd was scared about me doing something if she would tell me to leave. She would tell me many times she liked me, so idk if that is her response of following my waters, but i several times said to her in this conversation, that that is not stalking. Because i would ask her several times to tell me if she wanted me to go, and the first and last time she did say that, i left. I have screenshots of all of this conversation, but i dont want to make it public unless i have to which, i wouldnt want. Im married, its akward from me to put stuff like that out being married, u may or may not understand.
I am sorry if you feel harassed friend one by me friend one, but I cant stop myself from going for yoy when i liked you, if you dont tell me to stop. And i stopped as soon as you told me. I dont think there was a reason to harass me or to make me feel like i did not belong to the smash community after i have been playing this game since i was 17. I am not claiming to ban her, or any of the others, because i understand they could have felt a kind of way, but on my side, i felt terrible and many nights i cried and was depressed for a long time during this period. And i felt like i couldnt do anything, because the community would spit in two again. I respect your past, the things u told me are to keep and not my responsability to make public, and im sorry i made you feel bad, but i felt like shit too for a long time thanks to you and your group of friends.
Personally, i did not want to harm you. Fuck friend 2, and friend 3 i was able to speak with in a bar in miami years later, and told me himself friend 2 was stupid as fk and he did not know whyhe did those things and apologized. I was super clear, and spoke about that openly, since i felt he wanted to make peace, but i wanted to know what had i done to deserve such harassment. In her post , i am sure she would have her side, so i am not making this a ( im good and she is bad) or vice versa. I am saying my perspective. Also, i know friend 4 as worked on his personality a lot and regardless of our past immature differences man, and the super rough shit u have gone through, i still have respect for you, and I hope you keep doing what you are doing. I think that besides your past and how life has been with you, you are growing amazingly.
Fuck friend 2, u r still a bitch in my eyes and u have no forgiveness fuck u bitch. Sorry but i believe im in all my right to say this bc he has made it so hard for me when i didnt do shit to him. When u have the guts to speak to me in my face instead that behind my back fucking do it, the same way i have done with u all the time with good or bad things.
One of the claims friend 1 is gonna do is that i talked shit about her and that i have claimed that i didnt like her, that i said she is a crazy bitch, and that i claimed she stole my piano, my cd and my sweater from me. I never said those things and idk where you got that from.
I did say that i reaaaally liked u and i pushed you away, i have said that i did not want your stuff back because that reminded me off you back in the day, and i have never said you are crazy. The only time i called you crazy was when I told you that. ( i am sorry for insulting you, i felt depressed and felt really harassed, but its not an excuse. ).
I am a happy married man now, and i would say i would never get married, but my wife just showed me the perfect person did exist for me, and she is the most perfect woman in the world. I am sorry this may be akward for you baby, but its the only way i can do this.
And i may be leaving the scene ( not twitter ). I am too ashamed of calling myself a smasher. From pedophiles, to people saying shit or trending what the community is going through, all the real sexual harassment shit. I plan to have kids at some point soon, and my kids will know i played this game for so long. When i have them, i dont want a chance of them having a moment like this, or having ppl think im slme kind of pedo harasser or some dumb shit when im not. I love the game, but hate some part of the community.
I have nevet been a cloud chaser kind of guy, i would just stream for luigi material or to have fun with the stream, and i would just love to compete and make this character better, but given the situations i was in, and all this shit happening now, this may most likely be a goodbye from me to the community. I loced whst i loved , and ggs to all my oponets. U guys were sick.
I know i havent been a super figure or anything, and i influenced small ppl, but this may help others.
Sorry foe the mistakes, my eng sucks, my keyboard is small , my fingers huge and im cooking bbq.