Allegations, HeroKillerH8 and Our Abuse from Mikeray4
Let me say right off the bat, it's disgusting I have to address this all right now. My mother just passed away on June 14th, I was there with her holding her hand while she died, she was my best friend in the world and she's gone. I haven't gotten to mourn for even 3 weeks yet, so please bare with me as I try to be as clear-headed and coherent as possible. Biz has his own section in here where he talks as well.
The tweet seems to be deleted as I can't find it anywhere now... but I'm sure many remember HeroKillerH8 accusing me months back (along with accusations on cinnpie, and GIMR [who appears to be innocent btw] in the same thread, and since the cinnpie one was true, I'm being pressured like GIMR was to make statements) of A. dating a 24 year old while I was 14, and B. Being a "pedophile defender". I'm going to address these allegations, how dangerous this HeroKillerH8 person is for stuff he's done, and most importantly the abusive, manipulative, compulsive lying person who has been spreading this rumor for 9 years... Mikeray4. Before clicking out of this, I am begging you guys to read *all* of the context I have to offer before coming to your own judgement.
Here are the facts. The only person I've ever "dated" is Bizkit (Kevin), a previous high-level snake player I met through Brawl. I'm not going to nor have I ever tried to hide our relationship or our age difference. Biz and I started "dating" when I was 16, and he was 25. We have a 9 year age difference. If you don't agree with this, I understand, but please hear us out...
First of all, the *biggest* thing that made Biz and I friends to begin with was the mutual abuse we both endured from Mikeray4, please understand the irony of how against our friendship Mike was when he was the biggest causing factor in it, we'll get to Mike soon.
When Biz and I admitted feelings for each other when I was 16, I told both of my older brothers first, and then my parents. Everyone was pretty uncomfortable with it. My parents demanded for him to come down to our house to interrogate him to decide if he was safe to be around me. Biz listened and he came and answered every question my parents both had for him, in the end they decided he was fine, and any time he was over the house they made us keep my door open, we just played video games and watched shows every time anyway... so we regret becoming a "couple" when I was 16 when it lead to really, nothing, just us being friends still. My mom even always told me she would be willing to vouch for us if we had to defend ourselves, but of course she's gone now... Anyway, Biz and I actually came out about our "relationship" when we started "dating". Smash players and AllisBrawl (the smash website at the time) obviously all had different reactions which we were prepared for. We explained to anyone concerned at the time that the age of consent in our state, Connecticut, is 16. We "dated" always within legal bounds. Once we shared that, most people and even community figureheads made blogs on AIB along the lines of "Oh age of consent is 16 in CT? Nvm carry on", so carry on we did. Now let me provide the most important context of all.
"Why are you putting quotation marks around words like 'relationship' and 'dated'?" Well, because like I explained in my previous (e-girl) twitlonger, I am asexual. It sucks I have to even explain my personal trauma or our "sex life" to anyone, but I feel forced into this position. Growing up, I was molested first by my cousin when I was 5 years old. Then, a relative molested me repeatedly for an entire year when I was 8-9 years old. This relative threatened suicide if I told anyone, so it was a secret of mine most of my life. I was groped in a public mall while getting my ears pierced at 16, I got the man on the sex offender list because he went and assaulted 2 other women along with me that day. Then of course, I was sexually harassed by previous APEX TO, Alex Strife when I was 14 (I have another experience that made me uncomfortable when I was 14, we'll get there with Mikeray's section). With all of this trauma I went through, it's not really surprising that I became completely uninterested in sexual relations. Bizkit *never* had a problem with this, nor did he ever pressure me to do anything our entire "relationship", and nothing sexual happened between us as a result until semi-recently, which again, isn't anyone's business but it's for our protection I openly discuss this. I'm sure for those who know Biz and I well personally, we always appeared more like best friends than an actual couple. We love each other, we had/have feelings for each other, but it used to be completely platonic. That is something I kept a secret for Kevin's sake because A. this shouldn't be anyone's business to begin with and B. I didn't want anyone making virgin comments/jokes to Kevin (which he endured for a long time as it is). My whole family knows I'm asexual, I told my gynecologist and she recommended me therapy for my trauma a few years ago, which I did do and it has helped. Anyway...
So I hope this eases peoples' minds, but let me explain further why accusing Biz of being a pedophile is unfair, and ironic beyond belief. You know who the first person I told was about the relative who molested me for a year straight? Biz. You know who the first person was I told about Alex Strife, and one of TWO people who approached him to stop, and defended/supported me when I wrote my original AIB blog about it? Biz. You know who supported me the day I got groped at that mall when I was 16? Biz. He has *always* been my fucking rock in getting past my sexual abuse. I caught feelings for him because he was the man in my life who made me feel safe (and because we could both talk to each other about our own Mikeray abuse). He was the one I could talk to about anything, not even just my harassment. As someone who was (still is) depressed and contemplated suicide in highschool, he helped me find strength, and THAT is why I loved him and still do to this day. No grooming occurred. This was in 2012 and we're now 8 freaking years later still together, it's ridiculous this is even still a conversation. Something else important to note, Biz has always told me a big reason he developed feelings for me back was *because* I was so mature. My family and several smash friends always told me I was mature for my age too. I was kinda forced to mature that fast... with all of my trauma, and being surrounded by adults my whole life (2 older brothers, parents, every single one of my cousins is older than me, all the older smash players, etc.) Hell, my family even agrees I was more mature from 13-18 than I was in college. So, I don't care what anyone thinks, in the end I would choose Biz over the entire smash community if it came to it. But let me be clear, Biz and I are both aware of how unique our relationship is. Neither of us recommend ever pursuing anyone under 18 if you're an adult.
So... where did this rumor come from then if this is all true? Where did this HeroKiller guy get this? Most likely the culprit is Mikeray4 (another high-level snake main from Brawl in our state), who was *obsessed* with Biz and I even before Biz and I became friends. I even had a brawl player who was around back then reach out to me yesterday and this was his response when I told him Mikeray started it.
It was all the closure I needed. Biz and I did hug well before I was 16, but guess who else I hugged? Every single god damn guy I knew in the community. Mike never got on my case for hugging 2 other players in our region that were the same age as Kevin, and I was *also* very close friends with them as well, Mike only ever cared about Biz and I. I even hugged Mike! And it's very important to note that Mike is 7 years older than me, not much crazier than 9. So why then did Mike only get on Biz's case? In Mike's own words, Kevin was the first friend he ever had:
https://i.imgur.com/zydavVp.png (the one friend he's referring to is Biz)
and he emotionally abused/manipulated him even before I joined the smash scene because he wanted to control him. I'll let Biz share his story though. My story is similar. Mike befriended me when I was 14, before I ever befriended Biz. I hope people will believe me now that I was mature for my age, because somehow my 14 year old self saved a ton of old AIM conversations in the case that I ever needed them for evidence one day, just like I did with Alex Strife, so let me share some stuff.
First of all, and it's insane how this worked out... I was messaging Mike at the exact same time Alex Strife was harassing me, so I was actually documenting to Mike stuff he was saying to me. Mike... never took it very seriously. The difference in tone between whenever I'd talk to Mike, which was always joking around, and Biz/the other friend who supported me most (Le Bard, previously known as MdrnDayMercutio) always addressed it extremely seriously.
This is important because while Biz and Bard were genuinely trying to help me (I was obviously extremely uncomfortable), Mike was making jokes out of it and I never knew how to respond. Yet... he stands on a moral highground claiming he always tries to "out the predator" as he's been saying, is he? Again, he only ever tried to "out" Biz, who isn't a predator while Alex Strife was. There was also another girl my age in my region dating a much older man at 15 I believe, which *is* against the age of consent, and I recall Mike being disgusted at them but never as passionate as he was with Biz and I. Because we were both his friends, he wanted control over us, and when Biz and I started to become friends, we talked to each other a lot about how Mike was treating us both badly. It brought us close together that we both went through this crap. But when we did become friends, that's when Mike started to feel threatened I believe. Even when I was 15 I kept telling Biz that Mike seemed jealous of our friendship, and Mike constantly told Biz to stop being my friend and "get friends his own age" (you're one to talk Mike, considering you were my friend and 7 years older than me...). Biz and I lived in fear of him as it was, and that fear escalated when we learned he started spreading a rumor that Biz and I started dating while I was underage, which baffles my mind people believe that because I couldn't drive... my older brothers drove me everywhere, they would've known for sure if something was going on. So, after a decade of this rumor being spread... we're not living in fear of Mike anymore, we're exhausted and just want to live in peace. If you don't approve of us that's fine, but don't seek to constantly ruin our lives. There was even a time when I was 15 where Mike ripped my phone out of my hands at one of his tournaments, and I had to beg and wrestle him to get it back because he wanted to look through it. Insane personal invasion.
Now what I'm about to get into is what terrifies me the most, but it's the most ironic of it all and I need to share it. Mike made me extremely uncomfortable when I was 14 with things he would say to me... "Why didn't you come forward then like you did with Alex Strife?" because I didn't have the evidence like I did with Strife. Everything with Strife was through text, most of the creepiest things Mike said to me was over the phone. I do have 2 screens back during the days of our New England Brawl xat chat. These messages aren't extreme, but it's a 21 year old saying them to a 14 year old.
https://i.imgur.com/U0VDEJk.png (August 28th, 2010, 2:52am)
https://i.imgur.com/vy1WCAM.png (September 7th, 2010, 2:59am)
First screen kinda speaks for itself, but the second one is only weird because... why me and my brothers? And the reasoning being we "don't get thanks for driving to tourneys" is a weird one, I doubt he offered that for anyone else. But it's definitely possible this was Mike just trying to be friendly, we were "friends" after all. Well, this is the unfortunate part is I don't have physical evidence of this, but my oldest brother and Mom were both witnesses to it happening (my brother is making his own statement on everything). Mike would call me on the phone constantly when I was 14, and he would *sing* to me. He'd often sing Fallout Boy songs to me. One time in particular I'll never forget is I went with my mom to the shoe store. I got a call from Mike while there, picked up the phone, and he just started singing "Sugar we're goin' down" by Fallout Boy to me. It creeped me out and I was having so much trouble getting Mike off the phone. My mom was concerned and told my brother about it when she got home. Mike apparently went around telling people he thought I liked him as this was happening... I didn't, he creeped me out. Not to mention... Mike treated me like an adult when I was 14 (then suddenly treated me like a child when I became friends with Biz a year later https://i.imgur.com/FOM0Zpn.png). He'd get into all sorts of deep conversations with me about his past, and disturbing things to discuss with a 14 year old like which smash girls he wanted to have sex with. He never left out any details to me about all of the girls he went after, and often blamed them or their current BFs when he would be rejected, he belittled women very often. One of them in particular I'm sure the Brawl people from back then know who I'm talking about, Mike obsessed so hard over to me that he would steal her away from her current BF (Mike interfered with at least *4* relationships in the smash community that I know of btw). Mike hated her BF so much that at a tourney one time he tried to get him to hit Mike so he could "lawyer up" and ruin his life. Granted this other player was incredibly immature himself at the time and definitely played into Mike's hand of trying to provoke him, but either way the owner of the venue had to step in and break them up. When this girl rejected Mike and wanted to stay with the other player, Mike responded by telling Biz and I she didn't matter, referred to her as "FATTY" and bragged about how he supposedly slept with her already anyway...
I regret that I didn't speak up about all that being wrong, but again, Mike scared me and creeped me out. I rarely spoke up against him and always had to be as tame as possible so he wouldn't blow up. He was also a compulsive liar, Biz and I caught him in lies so often.
"Well this was so long ago, maybe he's changed." I assure you he hasn't. He got banned from our local commentary for constantly being immature, here's an example:
He also is often rude and loud at our locals (Synthesis). I've talked to so many Ultimate players who claim they're not comfortable around him. But most importantly, I've been in contact with several Brawl players about him. Many of them assured me "he's a dick" but didn't have direct stories about him. Many told me they *did* have stories about him but were afraid to come forward. Lastly, many told me they did have bad experiences and showed me direct screenshots. A few of them told me they are going to come out on their own after this post, but one player allowed me to include their story while keeping them anonymous, you know who you are and thank you for coming forward, and sorry you and everyone else had to endure stuff like this. This player was 16 years old while Mike was 22 years old at the time of these conversations:
I hope you can understand how absolutely disgusting this all is to tell a 16 year old. Something really important I want to say... just today I was sent disturbing evidence from 2 different players on Mike of very alarming behavior. They aren't comfortable with me sharing what it was or who they are for obvious reasons, but know that this is a *dangerous* person. I legitimately do not feel comfortable in our local smash scene knowing this guy is around, I've been contemplating leaving smash because of it regardless for my own safety. It is information I am currently asking these players if I can bring to our local TOs privately, so know that it is being handled.
Now here are Biz's experiences with Mike that he typed up himself:
"Mikeray is not someone I ever wanted to become friends with or interact with originally. He sadly has a way of inserting himself into anything he wants and manipulating mindsets, along with an abusive personality. If it weren't for Kiwi, it'd have taken me much longer to realize his control, abuse, and manipulation on me.
My first interactions with him were on Allisbrawl, where all he ever did was spam photoshopped pictures of me, for no real reason. It came off as incredibly weird and obsessive, but I didn't let it get to me best I could. It felt pointless to let something like that bug me publicly.
As time went on, he started contacting me directly and approaching me at tournaments to try to befriend me. I wasn't really into it, but I'm also not the kind of person to just tell anyone to go away. He eventually invited me to have smashfests with him somewhat often, and I went along with it, because the Brawl scene back then was so dead where I lived and I had no one else to practice in person with.
He used this as an opportunity to try to act like we were good friends, and doing things like trying to get me to go to the movies with him and such. I tried not to entertain this idea of friendship best I can while also trying to be able to practice the game I enjoyed playing so much.
Then things got worse when he for some reason revealed to me he was trying to get with someones GF in the community at the time. I warned the person about it later, and when Mikeray found out, he acted as if I betrayed him, when I never was looking for friendship with him in the first place. At the time, I didn't comprehend this level of manipulation, but it convinced me to not want to stand up to him anymore, that I was wrong for trying to warn the person about it.
It generally went very downhill from there where even though he still told me to come to Smashfests, he clearly was attacking me on a mental level. When I was dating someone else back then, he decided to interfere with our relationship and start talking to her on his own in private conversations. I really should have been more outraged at this, but I didn't really have it in me then. Honestly, I probably couldn't have even got him to stop anyway.
As it turns out, it seems he was trying to get with her behind my back. He faked conversations with her that he had to make it seem like she was into him and turning against me. I was stupid and believed it, and by the time she proved it to me, I already broke off the relationship, in which afterwards he still tried to get with her by asking her to go to events with him, such as Anime Boston. She of course didn't, she did nothing wrong here.
Fast forward to Kiwi and I. Even when we were just friends, I had to endure verbal harassment from him trying to dictate how I should be living my life and how I can't be friends with her. So breaking me off from a GF wasn't good enough for him, he had to now try to tell me who I should be friends with. Unknowingly to him, she was sending me all the time the weird creepy shit he would say to her in AIM conversations. She was smart to save them, I wish I did the same. I sent her what Mike said to me one day and she saved the screenshot of it after all these years.
I ended up quitting Brawl, as the only one that I couldn't put up with was him and his constant harassment towards Kiwi and me. Not to mention, everyone else in the NE Brawl community that couldn't stand him at tournaments. Having to deal with him every week became too mentally draining.
Not only would he attack my friendships, but he also just would follow me around tournies still with all my sets I played and between his brother and him, constantly berate me to try to tilt me. It sadly was really effective. This is what he did very often, and very well, was instigate people constantly in the scene. I had to listen to him to often tell me to get friends, dress better, look less ugly, meet other girls, etc. Whenever I tried to tell him I dislike how he treated me, he would just respond saying "he's joking." Then he would just do the same next tourney.
It was fucked the mental games he tried to play with me back then, but I was never really a confrontational person, so I sadly let it happen. Leaving Brawl was by far the smarter decision I had to make. I don't know what would have happened to me mentally had I kept competing with having to put up with him every week. I just never had the guts to stand up to him.
There was even a point where he got overly physical with me at one of his own tournaments and tackled me to the ground, for no real reason. He did it for an entire minute, while I told him to stop and get off me. He also has done this to another player as well at one of his tournaments. It was super uncomfortable and I knew if I brought it up, probably nothing would have changed back then.
He's a manipulative, abusive, and controlling person in the community, and most the old Brawl scene knows it. I'm sure others had it worse, as I've been finding out more recently. If it weren't for Kiwi helping me mentally back then and constantly telling me how abusive and manipulative he is, I don't know where I'd be today. For him to still be trying to spread rumors about our relationship over all these years is sickening, and I hope all the others he wronged in the NE community have the courage to come forward as well. I hated having to keep this to myself all these years. His attitude towards women was always awful too. All he did in the Brawl scene was try to get with other players GFs. My hope is that bringing this up has these women speak out too."
Of course this is long as hell so I'll finish this up asap. But lastly I wanna talk about how dangerous this HeroKillerH8 guy is for stuff he's done. Making accusations off of rumors and then deleting them first of all? Yes, he was right about Cinnpie, it's good she got outed (btw while I'm here, I never defended Cinnpie, I never even made a statement on that situation til Puppeh posted his twitlonger and HeroKiller came at me saying I "blindly defended her" and "denied/ignored" Puppeh. I never did. I believed Puppeh and told him I was sorry about his experiences, idk why I got attacked for anything involving that situation. I kept asking where I defend her and never got a response because... I didn't. He keeps attacking random women like Froot as well for being "drones" that "blindly defend pedophiles" https://twitter.com/HeroKillerH8/status/1278359068583714817 just look through this thread. It's caused several people to attack me over something I never did https://twitter.com/Kiwi_burd/status/1278399807934140421 I want you all to realize how dangerous it is for him to imply if a potential victim says nothing happened, we shouldn't believe them, as a victim underage myself it is dangerous to pressure victims to come forward, we can only help give them strength in hopes they will find the courage to come forward on their own and back them up when they do), but the people he has outed does doesn't suddenly give him a perfect track record or make him some godly hero figure. When he accused me of all this, and people came into question like "where's the evidence? Why are you going after the supposedly groomed victim?" He replied with this tweet that I'm a pedophile defender... and I apparently tweet out defending pedophiles:
This is the tweet I made that he took as me "defending pedophiles" read it for yourself:
Which, while we're here, that same thread is where Mike (or his brother) made a burner account threatening Biz and I for our relationship (I know it was them for a few reasons. A. that's the same exact picture Mike and his brother used on Xat back several years ago and B. I confronted Mike about it at a local, he got bizarrely defensive when I wasn't even attacking him, I was asking him if he simply did it and he lashed out at me and I'm sure people remember that, then he proceeded to blame someone who I now know for a fact is not behind the account after talking with them...):
Anyway, I'm so disappointed and concerned at the amount of people, even friends of mine that were tweeting HeroKiller is "the true hero killer/god/oracle" etc. claiming everything he said must've been right. This guy made death threats to Coney (Coney even discussed last night how dangerous HeroKiller is on his own stream if you're interested in listening to his view)... he stole from his region... he's *banned* from his region... he belittles women and posted sex videos of women on twitter to flex. Again, this guy is not the person to worship. Again, good all these people are coming out and the scumbags are being revealed, but he does *not* have a perfect track record, he's dangerous. I was even told in private "not to mess with this guy" which scares me but here we are.
Anyway that's our experience. If you still don't like Biz and I's relationship, that's fine. We're not asking for you to agree with it, we're asking that you don't harass us over it. I'm 24 now guys... we bought a house together, we're just trying to live peacefully. We're terrified of all of this, we've been terrified of Mike due to abuse from him for an entire decade, but with ourselves and others literally not feeling safe in our local scene with him around anymore... enough. Enough living in fear. Especially after my mom's passing I want to just start over completely and move on with my life and be the best that I can be. Thanks for reading.