cherri · @CherriLoli

4th Jul 2020 from TwitLonger

My Experience with Smesty

I have wanted to get this off my chest for a very, very long time. After the recent Smesty ban and their half-assed attempt to defend themselves from blame and call me a liar, I have been encouraged by many of my friends and people supporting me to make a statement in regards to this whole situation. What I will be detailing below is a timeline of events that have occurred from when I first met Smesty to the present. It will be very graphic and disturbing at points so please don't feel obligated to read if you feel you might get emotional or uncomfortable, but I want to share what happened in as much detail as possible so that everyone can be made aware of the actions that they have committed.

TW: Sexual abuse, Manipulation, Rape and Pedophilia

In August of 2015 I liked a comment of theirs on a post in the Perth WA Smash Bros facebook group. They then messaged me introducing themselves in a friendly manner and asking for my snapchat username under the preface of wanting to verify my identity via sending selfies of myself. A few days after doing this they asked me for pictures of my legs, I was young and naïve. I didn’t see how problematic this was and did so without fully understanding what I was doing. I opened up to them about the current abusive relationship I was in with a man much older than me who I was living with. From then on we were messaging almost constantly and about a week after they first messaged me they suddenly asked

“What am I to you?”.

I responded to this something along the lines of,

“I’ve never met you before, so I only see you as a friend”.

We continued talking but whenever they were sad or stressed out they would ask me to send pictures of my body, as time progressed these requests became more and more sexual. They had planned to meet up with me at various tournaments at Cafe Myriade. Eventually proposing that I stay at their house, which I accepted. Smesty was fully aware of how I had just broken up with my abusive ex-boyfriend and that I wanted to get out of that environment through any means possible.

I finally met up with them for the first time in September of the same year, and they offered to walk with me from the station to the venue. This was our first time meeting up in person, and at the event they stared at me, pet and stroked my head and overall just made me feel extremely uncomfortable. They later asked me to leave after they had so that we wouldn’t be seen together by other people at the event. They waited just around the corner for me to leave the venue and walked me to the bus station to go to their house, saying that we were going to play Mario Maker. Whilst sitting at the bus station they continually tried to touch my legs and move closer to my crotch. This continued on the bus and they pushed my head down onto their shoulder and tried to hold my hand. I felt extremely anxious and uncomfortable but was too scared to do anything. We finally got to their house and my anxiety had gotten to the point where I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. They took me upstairs to their room and laid on their bed while I was taking my shoes off. They grabbed me and pulled me down to lie next to them and hugged me.I started hyperventilating and sobbing into their pillow, they then pulled me up to their face and kissed me without any warning. After this I blacked out and the next thing I remember was them putting a show on tv and watching it with them. They pulled me onto their chest and forced me to lay down next to them. Eventually they took off their pants and forced my head down towards their crotch and pressured me into giving them head, the whole time saying they wanted to take a photo of what was happening. I was 16 at the time. The next day they took me to the train station and sent me on my way.

After this they continued to message me daily and in October they again offered to have me come over to their house. I accepted this offer because of ongoing problems with my ex abuser who I was still living with. They out of nowhere asked me to send full body and explicit nude photos of myself, which made me very uncomfortable. During this period of time they repeatedly messaged me about how they were questioning their gender and were afraid about not being accepted. This made me feel more sympathetic towards them and instead of being angry at what they had done to me, I tried my best to forgive them for the events that had occurred a month prior. Once I got to their house almost immediately they asked me to take off my shoes and kneel on the edge of the bed. Once I was kneeling they started to stroke my thighs and make creepy comments. They then put the TV on again and we watched it together. At some point whilst watching the show they began spooning me from behind. They lifted up the skirt I was wearing and pulled my underwear aside, then without any consent penetrated me. After finishing inside me they said “I shouldn’t have done that” then told me to go clean up in the bathroom. After they fell asleep I stayed up all night shaking and felt too uncomfortable to fall asleep. After waking up the next morning they drove me to the train station and left me there.

After this my life at home had slowly been deteriorating, with physical and sexual abuse becoming more and more prominent and I was desperate to get out of there no matter what. I had told Smesty every detail of what had been happening, and was continually asked to send nude pictures of myself. For my birthday they promised me that if I stayed at their house they would take me to Perth Zoo for my 17th birthday. The night I was over there they continued to touch me inappropriately and make various sexual remarks. Later that night they undressed and got on top of me, then without my consent again penetrated me. Immediately after finishing they asked if my ex could pick me up because they “didn’t want to be around me anymore”. I told them I couldn’t because I didn’t want them to know where I was. They allowed me to stay but completely ignored me for the remainder of the night. I had another breakdown next to them and they again ignored me. The next morning I woke up to them on top of me having sexual intercourse with me whilst I was asleep. I was terrified and pretended to be asleep so they wouldn’t notice I was awake. After they finished they woke me up and pretended like nothing had happened. They mentioned how my ex had called hundreds of times to both mine and Smesty’s phones. Feeling threatened for their own safety they kicked me out and told me to go back home.

After all this had occurred I became more involved in the smash community, going to more events by myself. After one of the Friday casuals at Cafe Myriade I had gone to a smash player’s house to hang out. Some people there expressed concern for my safety with Smesty and offered for me to stay the night at their house. Smesty heavily insisted that I stay at their house and, feeling pressured to do so, I did. That night they tried to have sex with me, but as I was on my period they forced me into a position where I gave them head instead. Later that month myself and a bunch of different smash players went to Smesty’s house to play friendlies. We had gone upstairs to play smash and, Smesty, another player and I were sitting on their bed. Smesty was sitting next to me out of sight of the other smash player. Smesty then proceeded to run their fingers down my legs and began feeling me up despite another person being present in the room. That night Smesty planned for me to sleep with them in their bed. However, a smash player, knowing full well what smesty was planning, dragged a spare mattress downstairs for me to sleep on.

The next morning that same smash player caught the train together with me and asked whether Smesty and I “were a thing” which I replied “no”. After another smash event a few other smashers (including Smesty) and I went to one of their houses for a house party. The entire time Smesty was pretty distant with me until I was alone at one point sitting on a couch. They came right up to me, spread my legs and started fingering me without any consent. Early December a smash player had decided to organise a movie night, Smesty was invited but decided not to go as I had been distancing myself from them. The whole day they had been trying to get into contact with me and other people at the party. That night I broke down and told everyone about what Smesty had done to me. The people there were concerned for my safety and said they would help to protect me from them. A few days later I went to smash weekly and as I walked into the venue Smesty tried talking to me and when I ignored them grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let go. When I pulled away they had gripped so hard that they had left bruises. A few players there saw what happened and took me outside to comfort and calm me down.

At this time I had begun a relationship with a smash player and was very open about what had happened to me. He was disgusted about what he had heard and confronted the TOs at the time. All that happened was that I was labeled a “demonizing ex” and they refused to take action against Smesty. I tried to reconnect with Smesty for the sake of my friends in the community, they felt very divided about what had been going on and wanted to make amends. A few weeks later a member in the community had organised a Christmas party, which I went to without my partner. The whole night they were extremely disrespectful towards both me and my partner, touching me inappropriately on multiple occasions and overall making me feel extremely uncomfortable, at one point trying to take photos of me when I was in the bathroom and repeatedly saying things such as “you got the booty”. The next day Smesty messaged me saying that if I ever wanted to come over to their house again I had to delete the entirety of our message history.

From then until November Smesty continued to message me and make extremely inappropriate comments about me that made me feel very uncomfortable, such as winking and gesturing at me when asked whether they had done any sexual things with me. At this time it had become revealed that Smesty had been sending sexually charged messages to another underage smash player. Because of this some people came forward to TOs about the situation going on with Smesty and wanted action to be taken. I was invited into the group chat discussing this as out of everyone I had the most evidence against Smesty. The investigation against them started and I gave my evidence and answered any questions I was asked. The group reached a decision of a one year minimum ban however due to poor communication between the TOs only ended up being six months. Having it be this short after all that happened between us as well as this other smash player made me feel like all the effort I went through to explain everything that had happened to me was all for naught. And that everything that I had brought forwards wasn’t a big deal, like I had made it all up. Between January and August of 2017 I had no contact with Smesty. I had broken up with my partner and had started dating my current partner, Taj, who slowly helped me get back into the scene. I attended my first smash event for a very long time and saw Smesty there, having not seen them in months and remembering what they had done I felt extremely uncomfortable and anxious. The next day Taj told me that Smesty had asked if they could reach out to me to make things between us less awkward.

Nothing really happened from then until December that year.

The Perth Smash TOs decided to run an awards night. That night I was sexually abused by Krystal. I told my friends (who were TOs) what had just happened. Smesty saw me crying by myself, sat down next to me and offered for me to stay at their house. They called an uber there and whilst in the car started holding my hand. When we got back to their house they started stroking my thighs and pushed their face close to mine. I burst out crying and started drunkenly screaming “don’t rape me”. I blacked out but I was told Taj and another smash player picked me up and took me to Taj’s parents’ house. Smesty was struggling with gender identity issues again and asked me to come over and help do their makeup. I was extremely uncomfortable being alone with Smesty so I asked if Taj could come along as well, not thinking that Smesty had any issue with that. After being told that Taj was also coming, Smesty said they weren’t OK with that and the plans fell through.

Nothing notable really happened after that until mid-2018. Taj and I were going to a concert for his birthday which Smesty was also attending and asked if we wanted to be with them. I felt too awkward and uncomfortable to say no and I said it was fine. The entire time Smesty would wink at me, take photos of me without asking, rubbed against me, looked at me and bit their lip suggestively. In September of that year Taj and I had moved out into our own unit and decided to throw a housewarming party to celebrate. Whilst the party was going on Smesty constantly messaged me saying they were having problems with a girl they were currently seeing and wanted me to take “selfies'' to “cheer them up” which I denied. In November, Smesty had found out through a friend that I was having a get-together for my 20th birthday. They insisted on being invited even though we hadn’t invited them ourselves. I felt bad saying no to them and so said they could come. A few nights before the party itself Taj, a few of my smash friends and I went out to dinner, and I posted what I was wearing on my Snapchat. Smesty replied with “god you look hot in that” and continued to make various sexual remarks until I just stopped replying. The next morning Smesty messaged me trying to defend themselves by saying they were drunk, but considering all that had transpired beforehand to me that is no excuse. The night of the party Smesty showed up to my apartment with another smash player and Smesty, Taj and I sat down at our dining table. The whole time Smesty was there they rubbed their leg against mine under the table and made gestures with sexual connotations such as winking at me and biting their lip.

In March of 2019 Taj and I decided to go to a BigWin monthly event, which Smesty was also attending. During this time Smesty tried to show me various explicit photos of themselves which I refused. They would also come up to me, not say a word, take my hat off, pat my head then smile and leave. Given their prior altercations this came off as flirtatious behaviour to me, but I cannot say for certain whether this truly was or not. Throughout 2019 Smesty would attempt to flirt with me over Snapchat by asking if they could send photos of their butt and legs to me, I was not at all comfortable with this and felt confident enough to say that I was not OK with this. I started to get more harsh on Smesty’s behavior towards me which eventually caused us to lose contact for good. Whilst I no longer had any contact with them they still have done multiple actions that to me show that Smesty has not changed at all since then.

In November, Taj, Dan (Chujelly / The Fool / Talcn) and I decided to go to a smash event at Sorrento. I was told by a friend that Smesty would not be attending as (at that time) even their name would send me into a panic attack. I only wanted to go under the proviso that they were not attending. Immediately after walking into the venue I saw Smesty. I felt a sharp pain in my chest and everything became a blur, I left without saying a word. I sat outside the venue suffering from a panic attack for about 10 minutes before Taj came to find where I was. He had to play a match so after calming me down asked Dan to take care of me. After a while I felt calm enough to return to the venue. The rest of that night Smesty continued to do the things that they always had done, including staring and winking at me across the room. A few times they would even go out of their way to bump into me, then glance back and wink suggestively. This continued to happen at every event that they attended, which eventually caused me to just quit attending events altogether.

In February of 2020 we started having Harry (HBTV) over for friendlies since he lived just around the corner from Taj and I and we wanted to have closer friends in the community. After telling us about some incidents that had happened to him we decided to open up about our experiences with Smesty and warned him to stay away. Whilst Taj and I are still good friends with Harry we do not agree with how he handled this information nor do we condone the actions that he has performed. He took it into his own hands to start sharing my story without my consent, and despite everything that Smesty has done attacking someone solely based on their identity is completely unacceptable. After asking if we would like to take action HBTV proposed the idea of an updated ban to Benjo. Initially Benjo handled this very poorly and called me a liar saying I was “doing it for attention”. I will note however that recently Benjo has been incredibly supportive and has helped towards this ban and I do not harbor any resentment towards him.

It was brought to my attention around this time that Smesty had been acting innapropriate and flirtatious towards other members of the scene. This is when I finally snapped and told myself that I wanted them banned indefinitely. Taj was talking to Ryan (Tempest) and I felt comfortable enough with him to tell him what had happened. Ryan told me if I wanted to take action that I could talk to Turn Up. I showed TurnUp my screenshots and answered any questions put forwards, he was disgusted and horrified about what he had read. It was difficult for him to bring the issues forward because he was in a position that it made it hard to do so. At the time I also didn’t feel comfortable with Benjo seeing my evidence considering how there were previously complications when bringing up this with him due to miscommunications on both sides. I felt more comfortable coming forward with these issues and around this time Pudge contacted me regarding some “rumors” he had heard about Smesty and wanted me to clarify them. I gave him the same evidence I had previously shown Turn up and he had pretty much the same reaction that he had. Because of this Turn Up and Pudge started messaging and from that moment onwards put together a selection of AusSmash TOs to discuss the issue at hand. I was told in late June that Smesty was going to be banned soon and that they were ironing out the rest of the details before going public with it.

I am so disappointed with the people in this community that witnessed my abuse for so long and pretended like nothing was happening. Some of these same people also participated in the bullying and gaslighting of me. I won't name anyone but you know who you are and I hope that you reflect on this and use it as a chance to grow. I am super grateful to the people who stood by my side throughout all of this and helped me fight for this ban. All I can say is thank you so much to the TO’s who have helped with the ban, my boyfriend and my friends for helping me. Also a big thank you to Taj, Ryan, Jack and Pudge for helping me to write this down and put it all together. I couldn't have done this without your help and support. I just hope that putting this out there will stop people from having to go through what I experienced. That this along with what is currently happening in America will call out all the people like Smesty that exist in the community. Hopefully it becomes a safer and more welcoming place because of it.

Sincerely, Cierra.

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