The First of Many (About Lights and Myself)
Hello! I'm working on a giant statement of course with the Twitlonger that has been posted today from Chia and I am not running away from that
But unfortunately things have come to light about something very serious and that's my friendship/relationship with Lights and I need that to be addressed right now especially because that was private information.
For background, Lights and I met each other not through Smash but through the Overwatch community in NYC. I was a college student at the time dating someone in the local community. His name will not be included in this twitlonger for his own privacy.
We started dating in 2017 and it went until 2018 on and off during the end. This relationship started off great, but ended up turning into hell on high water for me. The amount of emotional trauma I have from this relationship is huge, I was pushed physically during this relationship, like with 2 hands. I was going to come out with this information when I was ready and brave, but I've been trying to right a lot of wrongs. You can see that from all of my posts.
The amount of emotional abuse was crazy in this relationship:
- Going through my phone while I was asleep TWICE
- Calling me names
- Yelling at me
- Leaving my home and sitting in his car until I came out and tried to work on things, If I didn't go out, he'd come back inside and get mad I didn't chase after him.
- Getting mad at me for being a successful streamer, being upset when I got gifts from community members in the mail.
I don't want to go through all of the offenses, you get it, this is bad.
Around the time of 2018, my ex and I joined the Overwatch fan community. At this time they did a charity event that I did not play in (I was not good at Overwatch). At this point Lights and my partner at the time became very close friends since they were on the same team. I tried to follow suit. I confided in Lights a lot especially when my partner and I fought. Whenever I went over to his place, they were playing Overwatch together a lot. It never bothered me, being a girl in the Smash community, you have a lot of guy friends so it never bothered me that he had female friends. It really only started to bother me when I saw Lights having a polaroid of my ex and her in the back of her phone. She had gifted him games on steam. They were close all the time and it bothered me, whenever I expressed concern, he'd dismiss my concerns and then spin it around on me. Typical gaslight you get it.
One time I went to our local meetup spot and surprised my ex, he then claimed to me that I was actually spying on him and Lights and broke up with me there.
We tried to work on a lot of things for months to come. My self esteem crumbled and I gave into sex several times because he used his self esteem as a leverage for me. I didn't want to disappoint my partner, so I gave in multiple times, hoping it would be over. I lost my drive for sex.
Eventually I finally left. But with leaving him, I lost my entire friend group in Overwatch. I really only had my best friend and my stream community.
I was furious with Lights since it became a frequent fight. I blamed them for their involvement. I will not tell their story with my ex but I'm sure they can pick it up from where I left off. He confided in her a lot about me. But he confided lies about me and half truths.
At DtN last year, I saw Lights right when I got off my commentary block. I had been in such a good place, I started a new healthy relationship and I had reestablished my place in Smash after leaving for a year. I was nervous that she was going to tell the lies to the people I had just met and I was furious.
Yes I shit talked her. She sent me an apology but I was still cold. She sent me an apology for her actions and I reluctantly agreed, I was still uneasy around someone who I felt SO hurt by and betrayed. She started showing up at a lot of events, I was getting nervous that she was going to take my friends away again.
I saw her after a PSS once sitting outside by herself, once we all went to go get food after the tournament, I invited Lights to come with us. It was my first step in trying to mend things and be the better person. I fell back on that A L O T especially when they started showing up in PA where I was with my current partner, I was afraid it was going to happen again. It was immature and wrong. During that dinner, I sat with Lights and StuTheAnnouncer. Stu can attest how hard that was for me. Seeing Lights brought me back to a place of terrible abuse that I needed actual therapy and professional help from.
When Lights started going through their own hard time that I will NOT explain to you all out of respect for her, I was one of their main confidants during their hard times. I was still hurt from that situation, but I was doing my best to stop. We had multiple private conversations about our wrongdoings, and Chia bringing it up to help her story WITHOUT Lights's permission when they are going through a hard time on her own right now is really upsetting to me. We have a mutual understanding and respect about each other. I have forgiven them for their involvement. Please do not come at Lights. They are going through such a terrible time right now and they just need support.
We have a shared experience right now that unfortunately neither of us would ever bring to light because we worked past it. I'm sad this is how my abuse story had to come out but it's out there now.