Arisdael JacobT and I +2GG
JacobT and I met first at Beach Hut, a small tournament where he had dominated tournaments. I was usually up there with him, and we started doing commentary together. Eventually that commentary paved way to a friendship. Shortly afterwards I had gone to his house and met with his family. The next time I went to his house, he wanted to carpool to FAD so he could meet up with a girl he had just met that he was really into. Her name was Christina aka Arisdael. We all hit it off and we quickly became friends, while Jake and Arisdael began to date. As time went on, I didnt talk to Jake as much; he was definitely better than me in Smash so he tended to stay in the tournament longer, and I was beginning to help more with. We would talk quite often and we continue to be friends. Alot of ppl were into Christina, to the point that more often than not, there were weirdos trying to get at her and I did my best as her friend to get them away and remove them from the venue ( such as Wade Barnes, who constantly trying to engage with her in horrific ways).
While Christina was of age, I was consistently aware of our age gap. I also am aware that as time went on I became quickly known in the community as 2GG and then ESA both. So I would constantly ask her, ' if I am making her feel uncomfortable anyway please let me know because although we are friends I understand that this can be possible given the dynamic'. Every time except once ( which I will get into later) I was told that I was okay, and polite and that I would be told if that was the case. Over time Christina would tell me about her troubles she had in life ( it isnt my place to state what they are) and how she was struggling with a ton of hardship. She wanted to make a career in Gaming but she wasnt sure what. Knowing that Christina loved playing Smash and was such a good person at variety games, I suggested that she do commentary and try to stream. I would go on to help her get comfortable in commentary and even do blocks with her at locals. Knowing that she didnt have much money to go to tournaments and travel, I had offered her flights to events or hotels so she come through, do commentary, decompress because of life issues etc.
Now I want to stop right there, because more often than not, alot of guys do this and try to get girls out there to do shady things, try to isolate girls and enforce their power. However, this is something that I have done for men and women throughout my time in Smash, people like Rod, Austy, Kokiri, Krissy Vicks, Fiona Nova, Arath + his girl, etc.
Christina never took that opportunity. However she had gone to my place alone, ESA upstairs alone to discuss commentary and life, before. As always, I continue to double check as we continued to be friends, that she felt okay and that I wasnt pressuring her into anything, I was told No ( again I am aware that in a dynamic like this, this could be a pressured no). Ultimately as time went on, I had moved onto Nor Cal. We never talked a ton outside of events, but she would every now and then reach out to me or vice versa and we would talk. Sometimes she had problems at home, and I made another offer her to come up here if she need be as it was a very volatile situation as she said she would love to see San Fransisco.
Eventually I met my current girlfriend Anne. She was wary of gaming, and this idea of friends from all over traveling together, especially given her past. She had one day seen my messages to Christina and felt that I had been seeing her in a romantic manner. So I told her that this was not the case however I would pull back on my interactions with Christina because I wanted her to be comfortable and understand that I am with her and her alone. So I had told Christina I was going to be not talking to her as much, and she felt betrayed ( reasonably so). After some time past, we had talked and she told me that she really wanted me to be there for her when she was dealing with some issues and I wasnt. She also told me that Jake had felt I was trying to sleep with her as well. So i told her, Im going to change and Im not going to talk to her as often. She was upset and said that we have both never done anything ( which we havent) and that Jake knows that she can handle herself if it ever came to that. I told her if both our significant others feels this way, then clearly I am in the wrong and I need to change that. So I went ahead and made that change. She ended up reaching out to my gf to tell her that was not the case and that she and I have never done anything.
At a certain point we had got to a party for D1s bday. I got super drunk, and I realize that Jake was giving me attitude, I felt something was up and I asked Christina if she could talk to me outside because it was super loud and I just didnt like what was taking place. We go outside, she says i was close to her face ( of which i apologize because I know i was drunk so that definitely couldve happened) and Jake eventually comes and asks me whats up. We all 3 have a talk, Jake tells me that he feels that boundaries have been crossed, and so once again I make it clear that I will be better about that.
The following day, I apologized to Christina, because if I did anything while being inebriated it is my fault. She tells me that I was okay and we sorted out everything. I ask if I did anything wrong and she assures me that I havent and that we are okay. I leave it at that because I ultimately want them to be okay. I love them as a couple and these are two of my friends i got to see come together and learn to love each other.
So Imagine my shock today when I hear that I have been aggressive to her all these times. I have been super confused, about this whole situation and so I connected with them to understand what I did wrong, because ultimately regardless of my intentions, I made her feel concerned and that is important for me to respect and understand.
When approached about it, I was basically told that I should know how people are in the community and that it seemed like I was trying to get her somewhere to do something.
I ask her if she felt pressured to say no, and she says that in fact she was feeling that way and she didnt know how to tell me. However I just dont understand why when I went to remove myself from speaking to her in such a manner she continually reached out to me, messaged my gf and told me I shouldnt have to change how we are as friends because Jake knows she can handle herself.
Ultimately they tell me that they felt betrayed by my trust,and that I shouldnt be on a Safety Panel.
I dont know in this circumstance how Im supposed to proceed. If someone tells me yes, and everything is okay, and its not, and when i try to remove myself from the situation, and Im pulled back in, what does a person do in that situation? Ultimately I think its best that we all dont really talk anymore. I want them to be happy and I clearly have affected their lives. Im extremely hurt because I felt I had been there for both Jake and Christina through pivotal moments in their lives, and have continually tried to support them.
Does this mean her feelings arent vaild? Of course they are and I would be an idiot to think they are not. Im just sad to see these friendship go by the wayside like this with constantly changing thoughts about how I approached our friendship.
Lastly, someone said that I was kicked from 2GGaming because of something like this, with no backing whatsoever. I want to make it clear that I was removed from 2GGaming because they believe that ESA ideologies and their own werent compatitble ( hint hint they werent) and I understand that. I constantly fought for 2GG while being both, and I have shelved over 3k of my own money for events because of unkept promises there. To make sure events happened and my community got what they deserved. I will never say im perfect, far from it, but I do believe I did the best I could and I wanted people to have clarity there.
Alot of ppl who I am close to, have done wrongs, and I know that many people feel that I must also share that logic. I will always hold my homies accountable cuz I love them, I will always ask for people to hold me accountable because I care.
Thank you for reading this long post. Please ask me any questions about anything. and I dont want to see anyone coming after Arisdael or Jacob. They were hurt, and so was I. I ultimately think it was miscommunication, but thats where I stand. Thanks again.