Alex_ #BlackLivesMatter · @al3x_275
3rd Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
the last i hope to speak on this
I just want to address some final things.
In ultra's defense he showed a screenshot of me coming out as trans, I'll be completely honest, I completely forgot that happened. Yet I do clearly remember him telling me "I think you're trans in call." now of course I don't hve any proof on this, so you're free to believe what you like in regards to that and I feel awful that I completely missed out that part.
2nd. in regards to the, sexual remarks and me saying it's fine and what was in those screenshots. Remember that I was 14, and im still only 15. Also, in my statement I already said I take full responsibility for EVERYTHING that I said in regards to that, looking at those messages honestly makes me want to throw up. I only acted that way is because I felt I needed his affection, at the time I was still heavily in trauma over the loss of my mother (hence my, disgusting, remarks in regards to the 1st and 2nd photos.) I was in such longing for a feeling of something permanent in my life after having her snatched away from me prematurely.
3rd. There was no 'leading on' there was no, me preparing to frame him. I truly and honestly minimized my emotions thinking that everything was ok, 'I can just move on, Its not a big deal'. I did not plan any of this out, I do not wish to destroy Ultra, I was not trying to frame him. I was just speaking out about my own trauma and the effect it had on me. The last thing I want is any harm towards him. I just want to him to get help.
4th. in regards to the apologies, I absolutely should have no reason to accept these. He would tell me to ostracize myself from my grandma when I made it clear I did not want to. While its possible he didn't influence my decisions on thinking I was trans, he pressured me to come out to my dad, even when I made it clear I was strictly uncomfortable. It does NOT matter whether I told him it's fine or not to make sexual jokes. that does NOT give him the excuse, as an adult to tell me he's going to "plow me so hard that I get pregnant." I. am. a. minor.
5th. the fake apology. I had grown so tired, of the awkward interactions within a server I had called a home away from home. I had no where else to go, no where else to be, and he held much more influence within that server than I did. I was weak. I gave in. I let myself be silenced. But that ends now.
I just want to make it very clear again. I am not trying, to ruin his life.
I just want to tell people what he did, so he can seek help, in his statement it really felt like he thought I want to ruin him. I do not.