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This is scrambled because I'm scrambled. I'm scared out of my fucking mind of getting harassed like I did back in 2018 but people are talking about my situation. I really really didn't want to make this post. Typos from dyslexia and hand shaking ahead.
So at Dreamhack Austin (DHA) I roomed at an air bnb with Kamon, Jiggler, LoveAlice, SimpleSudo Obscure, Son Dula and Lakenzu. Everyone there was very kind to me after and this is mostly only about Kamon.
This trip would be my first time out as a trans girl and dressed as myself. The tournament itself was good and I was 1 win away from top 16 and over the moon about my performance. But the problems were after the tournament. During the after party at our brb with a whole lotta people Karon kept putting his fingers in my thigh highs and flicking them. I asked him to stop a few times and he kept doing it. He did it on my inner thigh too. I got really uncomfortable and eventually took them off and he kept making comments about how I shouldn't have over and over once a did. I was feeling awkward and gross so I spent the right of the night in the back room hanging out with Twixxie. After DHA I was really bothered by the whole thing especially when it was my first time out as a woman that it happened to me. I talked to Twixxie about it and he said he's heard about stuff like this from other women before. When I heard that I freaked out even more. I talked to Kamon briefly about how much it fucked with me and he gave a non apology about how he's not even attracted to trans girls anyway. Which just felt even worse and more invalidating at the time.
To make things worse Kamon's server was where I always hung out and all my friends where there so I couldn't escape it. It was artist point I couldn't take keeping it hidden and told his sponsor. He got dropped and he flipped.
Him and several of his friends harassed me for weeks about how I'm lying and turning on a friend and more. I talked to my friends but widely nothing changed. He kept on streaming and being popular in friend groups. Part of what sucked is that Pokken but especially Darkrai (his main) made me think of that over and over. I really retreated from the community at that point other than a Pokken girls server that we made and twitter. But because Kamon was a top player I couldn't ever shake his presence nor did people want to actually make him leave. That's ultimately why I faded from the game
I asked him several times to stop and he did it before the after-party too. He did it before we the event and even during at the venue from behind when u didn't even know who it was.
Afterwards he figured out it was me even though I went to people anonymously and PuppyHavok, Lauonce, Shay and one more I can't remember because my memory loss kicks in hard when it comes to trauma all harassed me into saying I'm sorry because I'm ruining HIS life. After that he got to keep going with his life as normal and I have to deal with that forever. Puppy especially really came on hard and even called me to try and sort it out and I just kept saying OK and I'm sorry and sure I'll drop it because I couldn't handle it.
//TW - Suicide.
I was grossly suicidal at the time because of my home life and my parents finding out that same trip I dressed as me and so them laying into me after plus this was too much and I just agreed to "drop it"
I want to make it clear no one else I mention at the start of the post, especially Jiggs and Twixxie have never ever done me wrong. They were just there and I was keeping the story straight in my head
The part that hurts the lost and that I can't ever shake is that he kept justifying it with "I'm not into girls 'like you' anyway." I've never been able to get over that. It was the first time I ever went out as myself and it's stuck with me ever sense. It was after my friend accidentally outed me to my parents and my parents ruined my life for it and that was my escape to be me. Now I think about that phrase whenever I go out and it's the worst most heavy dysphoric feeling.