Addressing what happened with full honesty
So I'm going to say everything that happened. This isn't an excuse for anything. I know what I've done and there is no excuse for it. But I will come clean with all of it.
So Sandy (Shiva) and I were to team at Hyrule Saga (June 2018) going double Falco. I suggested we get some practice since I'll be in Cali a week before the tourney and she agreed. I was staying at Sky's house when I hit her up asking if she wants to practice soon, since a lot of people were over playing Smash that day. She said maybe and I said it's fine, worse case we just practice another day or at the tourney. 5+ hours later she hit me up asking me what's the address. I gave her a heads up that there is a party going on at Sky's house, but there are still Smash setups we can use. She agreed to still come by.
When she arrived around 8 or 9pm, I introduced her to some people there and give her a tour of Sky's house. People were playing a drinking game where if they lose a game in Smash they take a shot. She said she was down to try it out. I asked if she drank before as she was young (she was 16 turning 17 by midnight) and she said yes. So I agreed to try playing against her in Smash. I won 4 games in a row. Every match she lost she would slap me in the back to show frustration about losing and at some point had her legs on my thighs while playing. I had 0 intention of doing anything with her before and she never flirted with me before, but for the first time I saw this as kinda flirty but I just let it go (against my better judgement). Just thought it was harmless.
After playing for a bit she was like "omg I have to take 4 shots!" and I mentioned "it's okay, you don't have to take them if you don't want to..." and she picks up all 4 shots and downs them. We then continue to play for a while with me not losing, but I strongly suggested she not drink anymore and that we should just play Smash. After some time she gets up and says she wants to go to the pool, to which I agree. She didn't have a bathing suit so I suggested she use my shirt. So we are in the pool with others there and everything is chill for a while, but after some time she starts trying to hold me. Again, I know I should have immediately got out of the situation (in hindsight, another bad judgement call), but I was kinda just like "okay....but we aren't doing anything sexual so it's fine"
After some time she began to rub her face against mine which eventually made me think she wanted to kiss me. I attempted to avoid it for a couple minutes but eventually I went with it and kissed her. After some time of kissing and holding, she began to reach in the pool and I asked "what are you doing" and she grabbed my private parts and started touching me. Again, I'm fucking stupid for going along with this. Kept thinking "okay, this is happening and shouldn't, but it'll def not go any further" although it was already very bad. After some time she put her other hand in the pool and I wasn't sure what she was doing until I felt me inside of her. I yelled "what are you doing!!??" but didn't stop anything afterwards.
I'm clearly an idiot for letting her drink and being in this situation in general. Regardless of how anything happened this was my fault. Again I did at least want to say everything that happened. Sorry for you having to deal with this Shiva.
I want to apologize to my community, close friends, and anyone that looked up to me. Not really sure what happens now, but clearly I will be gone for a long time, if not forever. I'm going to take this time to work on myself as a person and confront flaws with my character that I've been neglecting for too long.
With everything happening in the community, I hope for it to become a better/safer place, even if that means I have to withdraw myself from it. Once again, I am tremendously sorry for all of this.