David 🛬🇬🇧 · @bingsuboy69
1st Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
Experience with Grooming, Local Actions to Prevent Sexual Misconduct
CW//Sexual predation/grooming/mention of suicide
It has taken me a bit to collect my thoughts, but I would like to start by saying I feel so disgusted that a handful of people I talked with, laughed with, and drank with have done such abhorrent acts of manipulation, assault, and sexual harassment. First I would like to begin with my experience with sexual harassment/grooming but I would like the FOCUS to be on what ACTIONS can take place to prevent these from beginning in the first place.
If you would like to skip to what actions I will try to take, I will label it near the middle. My personal account is lengthy.
When I was 16 I was in a relationship with a 27 year old woman named H that continued until I was 18. If you're very skeptical, you can DM me and my parents will tell you about her as they met her. Some of my old roommates have as well.
https://imgur.com/a/9yS4S0f
I was groomed. We met online through Reddit and she took advantage of the fact that I have gone through two mother's in my lifetime and have mental trauma. H promised to take care of me and tried to convey this by buying airplane tickets, Disneyland tickets, sending gifts, etc. I couldn't leave the relationship because I /felt guilt leaving after all the money spent/. This is one of the ways that predators keep minors in these relationships.
Further, there was emotional manipulation as well. Messages through Skype that asked if I would stay forever, how she would die alone if I left, etc. Predators gaslight and get you to second guess your own instinct. There was a moment where my parents asked me if this is what I really wanted, after meeting H in person, and I said that I loved her. I didn't really, but when a person is 16/17 their mind makes them cling to the one adult figure that didn't beat them or neglect them, and she knew this. My parents drove me to Disneyland to meet her and they also met her in the Double Tree lobby for breakfast. I remember my mom called her a pedophile and I yelled at my mother and got aggressive.
I was already wanting to pull away from all of this. In my Junior year (17) of highschool, I told only one friend about it because I was scared about what my group might think. He told me "niceeeee" like it was something to be proud of. It made me so confused. Should I be proud of dating a 28 year old? It gave me so much hesitation that I just didn't think twice about it.
Luckily, I grew old enough and had enough therapy to understand that this relationship was predatory and criminal. My mind was so conflicted because I had to let go of someone who did things to me, but they also did good things. My current roommate and former roommates remember when I got a package of brownies from H after we broke up. It made me feel so guilty and emotionally damaged because I felt like I killed the person taking advantage of me and I lost the only thing that made me happy, because she made me think that I would be miserable without her. I had my first suicide attempt less than a year after.
LOCAL ACTIONS TO PREVENT THIS IN COMMUNITIES
I am mentioning this story simply because I have seen a tons of accusations elucidating so many accounts of sexual harassment and most of all, acts of adults grooming and exploiting minors within the Smash Bros Ultimate community. A horrific part of this is that many are done by people I could call my friend or my homie. The MOST horrific part of this is that there are real criminal acts with real CHILD victims that have not been revealed until recently BECAUSE of how predators have influence within their community, because of how gaslighted the victims were, and because of threats of physical harm, isolation, etc.
I feel so powerless and I hate it. There is very little I can do to stop this egregious behavior within the entirety of the Smash community and it actually aches when I see people bashing on people who open up about their prior accounts of grooming/predatory behavior years ago. I went over some of the reasons why they don't open up.
As TO and President of Smash Club at SJSU, I will try even harder to create a safe space for Smashers and non Smashers. I will review the club Constitution and work with advisors and other Spartan clubs on methods to prevent any misconduct from happening again at least where I can prevent it. The former Club President Mickey has made an anonymous tip line and we have connections to the SJSU Police Department to assist in anonymous cases. Please, if you have any recommendations I want to hear them. I don't want to be seen as a club president, I want to be seen as a team mate.
Let me clarify: harassment of ANY kind is not allowed at our tournaments at SJSU. Violators will always be caught and punished. Treat people with respect and decency regardless of age, race, or creed. This is a god damn video game community. If you see it as your personal grounds for prey, look inwards and know that you will not get away.
SJSU Smash anonymous tip line: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdP5rscdvUiIxpp9fs3nc3XrNQp4Cs5lpoTgZ_2dxpvEeLEzQ/viewfor