TFTI | Lamsauce 🏳️🌈 · @Lamsauce_
1st Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
Xzax experience / Women in the Community
I wasn't sure if I should post this but after Xzax confessing, I think I should share my perspective on happened with me. In comparison to other women smashers, my experience was not major and I consider myself lucky for it.
Xzax's twitlonger: https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sra284
I think my first encounter with Xzax was when I attended his tournament for the first and only time, FFF. I remember glancing over at the T.O table from time to time throughout the night and maybe 60% of the times I looked he had been staring at me if he was not interacting with someone else. I think this was his last time hosting the tournament before he moved to SoCal (I believe in May 2019). It was my first time at the tournament, so I was more so afraid that I was doing something wrong in his venue, but looking back I'm sure I was getting looks because I am a female who plays Smash. He eventually added me on Facebook in July 2019. We started messaging a bit on Facebook messenger, and he asked if I had Snapchat. I rarely used it and I let him know, but decided to add him anyway. Most of our following conversations shifted to Snapchat.
When I started using Snapchat to message him, the app has the option to save chats and I personally like to save chats with everyone on Snapchat just so I can look back on them if I ever would like or feel the need to, but he insisted that I saved none of the messages. This was a yellow flag but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and agreed to his request. We messaged for a bit through Snapchat and at some point in the conversation, he suddenly told me that he might send some "pictures of his body" through Snapchat from time to time. This was the red flag I overlooked. I started to feel uncomfortable and told him that I absolutely would not like to see anything lewd from him. I wanted to stop messaging him altogether. I am someone who does not enjoy looking at mature material like nudes or porn in any shape or form. To clarify: He asked me what his limits as to what he could send were, and I did not consent to lewd photographs of him. I explained to him that I never look at those types of things. He responded that most of the pictures he sends is after his gym workout and shouldn't be anything I would be uncomfortable with. He sent me a snap of himself to see if I was okay with what he sent. I was very uncomfortable then and afraid to open it, but luckily what he sent was fine. He asked me to send him a snap back, and I sent a picture of my switch with Smash on it (or the corner of my room I don't really remember, either way it wasn't my face). He asked me for a picture of my face, I denied the request, but he asked again after. I was pretty clear on no the first time but I ended up making a joke reason why not the second time, probably something along the lines of "every time i take a picture of myself it's just blurry" (which is true). He stopped asking me.
From time to time throughout the week, he would message me on Facebook if I had not responded to or looked at his Snapchat, reminding me to check his snap. I found that to be kind of weird as well. I was afraid he would send me something I did not agree to one day. For the entirety of the first week, I was uncomfortable with every snap I opened from him. Some snaps were borderline close to my limit, but I didn't know what to do. From time to time, he would also flirt with me through Snapchat. Eventually, I broke our streak (I am bad a keeping up with those) but we restarted another streak. Within the first week of that restart, Xzax had sent me an image of him in the mirror with his underwear being wet from his penis, with his hand near said area. I told him that I was absolutely not okay with that image, and he backed off and apologized. He started to message me less and we cut out communications not long afterwards.
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To Xzax,
A part of me appreciates you for speaking up about your past. However, another part of me feels that you posted the Twitlonger before someone else outted you, since confessions in esports have been happening more frequently. I'm not sure you would have posted this ever, if current events had not convinced you.
I have not had any other incident with you since I told you no after that image. Thank you for stopping with me, but I wish you didn't cross the line in the first place. I also wish the same for other women who have had a negative experience with you. What concerns me the most from my experience, was that you in fact knew that your actions were wrong, but continued to act upon them with the knowledge. Messaging me through Snapchat, intentionally wanting the messages to be erased... I'm sure you knew what you were doing, but didn't stop yourself.
Keep growing, I know you're capable of being a respectful person, and are loved by your friends for being said person with them. It's obvious you have tried to grow out of this, but don't let these past mistakes happen again, for the sake of women in the community, and the women around you in general.
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Women in The Community
Everyone, as a community, need to recognize and not tolerate behavior that can go between smaller interactions like my experience, or as we've seen more of lately, pedophilia and sexual assault. This is one of my experiences, but it's not the only one I have. I have witnessed and heard of so many other experiences as well, but they're not my stories to go into details with. I will say though, I have seen many girls, who love the game or want to learn or both, enter tournaments but rarely any of them continue to enter. Mostly because their first tournament starts with them being put into an awkward situation by men who think they can do whatever they want without consequences. I am so glad Smash Sisters exists, because I know some people would only enter the Smash Sisters event at major tournaments since it's safest there. I hope others can share their experiences no matter how small they feel it may be, or large to help filter out major issues within the community. I'll be honest, I'm afraid of the responses I will get posting this. However, I felt the need to say something for a different perspective on the Xzax situation, and for the many women who wanted to play a game and decided not to come back.