My experience with Fragnance from @Method.
I just want to start off by saying that my experience with this person was just over 6 years ago now, but what he did to me still causes me a great deal of pain, trauma and most of all -- distrust in other people. This is extremely difficult for me to write but seeing the stories of the brave women who have come out with their own stories has given me so much courage and strength to speak up about my experience. I'm not going to keep quiet and let this suffocate me anymore. Please bear with me if it's a little jumbled up but this is hard for me to reminisce, and I want to be as accurate as possible.
Many of you know this person from his online persona as Fragnance, but to me he was just Jimmy. During 2013, which I can remember was around the time of Siege of Orgrimmar progress, some of my friends knew a couple of players from Method who are no longer members in the guild and haven't been for some time. One of them told me that a guildmate of theirs had spoken about me on their stream, which I was really confused about but they linked me the VOD -- It was Fragnance talking negatively about me because I had parsed better than him. I went and made a character to message him on and ask politely for him not to talk badly about me because he doesn’t know me and it made me uncomfortable. I can't remember exactly how things transpired word for word, but once our conversation developed he gave me his skype address and we moved to talking on there.
We talked a lot and he even invited me into a group call with a bunch of his friends where I hung out with them while Jimmy streamed. There were a number of times it'd be just me and Jimmy and we'd do stupid stuff like sit our druids together and have a pet cat out called "Nugnance" which was our ingame child while he played lion king music. We sang silly songs from Mulan together too. I did stupid voices and sang for him on stream all in an attempt to get him more subs because I wanted him to do well; I liked this person.... I cared about him. I wanted him to succeed.
From there we'd joke each week who would parse better on certain bosses in Siege that was good for Feral and we grew closer, or so I thought. What started to happen was after the group calls we would be by ourselves and just chat about life and things in general and we would talk for ages and this is where I thought we grew closer. I know this is odd to mention but this is where I remember I started liking him as more than a friend. I had a code for a Magic Rooster mount that I was going to auction off but I gave it to Jimmy instead because I wanted to see him happy. Same with donating to his twitch with a silly message, I would run to his page to see him smile because it made me feel great too. There were times he would say really sweet things to me that sometimes made my entire day, as my real life at that time was not the best. The thing is, I don’t even think Jimmy knew that what he said meant a lot to me or how much his company made me feel better about my mum’s situation. Because I trusted this person and started to care for him in ways you don’t with a regular friend, I felt a spark for him and ended up sending him explicit pictures.
My mum had been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer earlier in the year (2013) and it felt like my whole world was crumbling around me, but logging in to hang around with Jimmy and his friends was what highlighted those dark days for me as he was aware of my mum’s sickness.
Over time, I slowly started to not answer the group calls much anymore because the environment began to change there. There were certain comments from Jimmy and his friends about Martin (Treckie) that to me, was bullying. I didn't like seeing that part of Jimmy being so horrible towards Martin for no reason at all. He is a sweetheart and non confrontational; he didn't deserve the treatment he was getting. Around the same time, my mum's health deteriorated to the point she was taken into hospital and it wasn't looking good. My time in WoW and skype lessened and I had to leave my current raiding guild at the time (Pwnanza) because of it.
This next part is what has stayed with me these last 6 years like it happened yesterday. I was sitting next to my mum's bed in the hospital and holding her hand, knowing she would die any day at this point and then my phone began to ping. The person who came to me about what Jimmy did has asked for anonymity so I will respect his decision and refer to him here as "John".
I received messages from John that said he was really sorry to tell me this, but Jimmy had given out naked pictures of me. I went numb and then began to panic as all sorts of stuff just whirled around my head. I didn’t believe Jimmy would do that to me at all, but I shakily tried to calm myself down and talk to John about what exactly was going on because it just didn't compute. From what I understood, John had received my pictures from his friend, Hedali, who had gotten them directly from Jimmy. I couldn't believe it, but John described the pictures to me and I knew then it was true. I locked myself in the toilet and just broke down. I blamed myself for being a horrible friend and abandoning Jimmy while my mum was sick. I mean, I had no other reason to suspect why he did this to me? When I got home early in the morning I messaged him because I was so confused, hurt and angry I didn't know how to approach him. I sent a message which I have a screenshot of for proof. He never replied to me, instead going to John and calling him a backstabber and asking why he told me.
This is a screenshot from John of his “friend” Hedali coming after him for telling me about the pictures. The youtube links to some silly video about backstabbing. John told me the Swedish translates to "why the fuck you send that shit to nugget you loser" https://i.imgur.com/pXMMr92.png
This one is a clipped message of what I sent to Jimmy through facebook which I never got a reply from. I never used facebook much so above that isn’t anything relevant: https://i.imgur.com/GEv0FLA.jpg
Finally, this is proof of Jimmy himself talking about sending out my pictures and being angry at John for telling me what he did, calling him a backstabber. https://i.imgur.com/DFaWyyC.png
Two weeks passed and my mum finally lost her battle to cancer, and I hate myself that my mind was occupied with what Jimmy did to me rather than being strong for my mum. I had to grieve for my mum while this hung over me and I just felt so tormented and alone, that I couldn’t talk to anybody about it because I was just so ashamed of myself. I was in such a dark place I started to self-harm as I spiralled headfirst into depression. One of the only good things left in my life at this time was WoW and my friends in there. I tried to join another raiding guild and hope my love for the game would help me heal some of my recent trauma, but it only made it worse. There was a person in the guild I had joined who had also gotten my pictures and told the entire guild what I had done and by this point, the stories had gotten twisted through the hearsay. I logged in to people calling me every disgusting name you could think of, even random whispers from strangers saying the most awful things to me about my body, and things like they would find me and hurt me. I recall someone asking me to just "show my tits" so I could get a free pass from trial to member. The officers and the GM asked me to join them in a group call because their guild reputation was put in jeopardy over me. I can’t even begin to describe the humiliation I felt trying to explain like 5-6 guys why I trusted this person and showed him my body. I couldn't take it anymore and I left the game. It was just too much for me. Losing my best friend, my mum and having a daily barrage of abuse hurled at me from complete strangers about my body and what they would do to me was too much. It made me feel worthless and pathetic and I just wanted to kill myself. I am struggling to write this because it's not easy reliving this dark time, I’m sorry again if this is a little jumbled up or hard to read.
Two years later after getting some counselling I was no longer as depressed as I was. I still struggled, but I wanted to try and slowly heal my soul so when a friend of mine suggested I come try out Heroes of The Storm I was excited to try it -- I love everything Blizzard does despite my experience with Jimmy, I have some of the best memories in this game with some amazing people. I was still too scared at this time to log into WoW but I figured this would be a good start. My battlenet name at the time was the same name as my Druids but I didn't think at the time that was a problem. Then, not a week into playing HOTS and halfway through a match someone writes "Nice nudes Nugget!" and that simple sentence opened up all the wounds all over again and I was right back to being anxious, depressed and empty.
I missed the entirety of Warlords of Draenor expansion and it made me sad because I didn't want to hide away but what choice did I have? What could I do? I gave Jimmy my pictures willingly and it's not like I could do anything about such a huge name in the Blizzard community when he had betrayed my trust and hurt me so badly.
I eventually came back to WoW right before Legion launched and changed my Druids name, and since then everything has been quiet but the impact this had on me has made me an anxious, unhappy mess. I'm still sick to my stomach when I log in. I'm terrified of silly things like speaking during the raids in my current guild if someone is streaming, just in case someone recognises my voice and the abuse will happen all over again. I'm even scared of stupid stuff like opening mail because I'm worried someone has found out who I am and will tell everyone and ruin me all over again. I know it's hard to put into words the amount of pain and trauma this has caused me, but the last 6 years of my life this has weighed so heavy on me because It just seemed like Jimmy really didn't care what this did to me and it has been killing me inside all this time, every single day. I still have nightmares about playing WoW and then everyone finds out about my leaked pictures and I lose the amazing guild I’ve found and been in since coming back to the game. Whenever I see his name or see his emotes or someone talks about him I feel sick and anxious and scared and just want to hide away again. I am terrified to show my body to anybody and can only be with my boyfriend if the lights are off, because I just think about all the disgusting comments I got about my body from complete strangers. If I look in the mirror I can hear those comments sometimes too and it cuts into me really deep like that’s all I’m good for.
I know this story is not the same as some of the other girls who have come out with worse things happening to them, but I wanted to share this to show everyone how something like this made me feel like killing myself, so can you imagine what the other girls must have gone through? Must STILL be going through? I don't want anyone to have to go through what I have ever again, because I can't even imagine how many people out there may still have my pictures and it makes me feel so pathetic and worthless.
I just want to say to end this, that to Jimmy... I am so sorry for the fallout that will come from this but I cannot hide this inside me any longer, because it is killing me. I don't want to hurt you the way you hurt me, but I'm tired of blaming myself for what you did and feeling like a worthless piece of trash and every nasty thing someone has said about me. I can't enjoy WoW the way I used to, I can't enjoy my life the way I used to because what you did ruined my life and the after effects are still causing me pain to this day... but no more; I've hurt long enough over this and you need to be held accountable for what you did to me.
Lastly I just want to thank my amazing boyfriend, my family, friends and my guild for empowering me and giving me endless love and support regarding this. You have helped me to speak up and hopefully begin to heal from this experience once and for all and move on.
Thank you for reading.
Chelsey // ("Nugget")