melanie · @passioniteTV
25th Jun 2020 from TwitLonger
in regards to @launders
mohan "launders" govindasamy and i started talking in may of 2017 before i graduated high school. i had just turned 18, he was 26. he had reached out to me via social media. i flew to see him a few weeks later and again in july. we were "dating" for a short time - calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend, talking every moment we could, spoke about where i might be able to go to school near him in the fall.
i didn't want to have sex one day (i wasn't feeling well). we both agreed the night before, and again the same day. we were sitting on his black futon when he started touching me. i told him directly to his face i did not want to have sex.
his response was "i don't care. i want it now." the look he gave me was terrifying.
he held me down while i was crying and begging him to stop.
i was on my back and my head was hanging off the futon upside down. i couldn't react to what was going on. i couldn't look at him. i was frozen with tears streaming down my face. he just kept going. i went numb and tried to block out what was happening to me.
when he was finished, he didn't even recognize what he had done. i tried to explain what he did to me, what he did wrong, and he suggested we should use a safe word next time... as if telling him no and asking him to stop wasn't enough. he had absolutely no remorse.
i had dealt with some mental health issues in the past but this traumatizing experience where someone you care for and trust hurts you and ignores that it happened put me in one of the worst depressive states i had ever been in. if i ever brought it up to him, when i was in denial and attempted to remain in touch, he would skew the conversation towards me requiring help instead of what caused the aching pain he left me with. he decided to tweet "never let yourself be pulled into the water while trying to save them from drowning." who pushed me off the fucking boat???
i wish i could say that this hasn't affected my life and relationships but unfortunately it has. things have gotten better with the amazing support system i surround myself with (i.e. my boyfriend and two cats.) seeing how many women have brought their stories to light really inspired me to make mine known as well so thank you all for your bravery and courage. this would not have been written so soon without you.