A few of my experiences - College, Starcraft, Streaming
So, I have a couple of experiences that I want to talk about. One is from when I was in college, the other two are streaming/Starcraft event related. I just kind of wrote everything down and didn't realize it'd be a novel. TLDR at the bottom. I was debating telling stories 2 and 3 because they don't seem "as bad", but they affected me pretty negatively and I still think about those situations.
In college I went to a couple of my friends' dorm on the other side of campus and we got food and just hung out. Friend A had a boyfriend that was hanging out with us. When it was ready for me to walk back to my dorm, A kept wanting to make sure I got back to my dorm safely and wanted to have her boyfriend walk me back and he kept insisting so I just let him. It was about a 20 minute walk and on the way he mentioned about how I need to be careful because there's a lot of creepers and they'll just come from the darkness and take you (something to that affect, and very ironic considering how the rest of the night went).
We got closer to my dorm, and then before we got there we decided to stop by a friend's dorm in the building next to mine since he was going to be moving out soon for personal reasons. There were about 3 other people in the room and we all decided to watch a movie. A's boyfriend sat next to me on the side of the coffee table next to the couch. I believe we kept typing/erasing on a note app on one of our phones and don't remember the conversation exactly. What I do remember is that he kept trying to put his hand down my pants and up my shirt and I kept pushing him away several times. I guess I was just kind of in shock that my friend's boyfriend would try this stuff so I just stayed quiet processing it all. They were together for a few years, why would he be trying this with his girlfriend's friend? The way everyone else was positioned, they weren't really able to see anything unless they looked over.
Eventually the movie ended and people started going to bed. Part of me knew I should have just gone back to my dorm, but the other part of me wanted to see what else he would try so that I could be sure that my friend would break up with him. I didn't know if she would believe what I told her because they've been together for so long, so I stayed and we slept on a futon together.Still processing everything, I just really wanted to make sure she got rid of him because no one deserves that. I believe he tried a couple more times that night and I kept pushing him away, and we eventually fell asleep. To this day I'm still not sure if staying was a good idea, but I was just scared of what else he may be doing to hurt her. The next day I had class in the morning so I went and messaged my friend that lived in the dorm if I could talk to him after. Long story short: He listened and we needed to tell A what happened. I had another one of our mutual friends come with me that she was close with because I had no idea how she was going to handle it or if she would be mad at me. I told her, and she said she didn't hate me and that he's done it before, and broke up with him that night.
2. Dreamhack Montreal 2016
I was Semper's +1 to the afterparty. Besides this situation that happened, this was the best time I've ever had at SC2 events, so it saddens me that it will always be tainted with this. It was open bar so everyone was drinking. The place had two bathrooms, one upstairs and one downstairs. The one upstairs was a bit weird. There was no door to it, but it was about 4 stalls so you still had privacy. I went to the upstairs one and noticed one of the guys that worked there was cleaning the mirror by the sink. So when I was washing my hands, instead of awkward silence I just tried to be nice and have small talk with him. Asked if he played any video games and junk. I remember mentioning that my boyfriend was downstairs. He said something like "maybe I'll see you later" and I said "maybe". I didn't say it flirtingly or anything. I was about to go back downstairs and he just comes up and kisses me on the lips. I was in shock so I just said something like "I'm going to go back downstairs..." and quickly got away.
Semper was at the other end of the room so I first saw someone I considered a friend (we'll call him A). I'm not going to name names because everyone knows and likes the guy, and maybe it's just the different country/culture or the alcohol. I told A what happened and he was like "was it just a peck?" and I said yes. I mean, he didn't make out with me. And then A just kind of brushed it off and was like "ah, that means nothing". So then I started questioning if I was overreacting. So I then talked to his girlfriend that I was friends with and she was like "no, that's really wrong". So maybe I wasn't overreacting? She seemed irritated at the guy as well. I told Semper and he was mad at the guy and stayed with me the rest of the night and stood outside the bathroom to make sure nothing happened. I told another friend about it and he said he talked to the manager and that guy was going to get fired. I doubt he was going to get fired. I didn't want to talk to the manager because I know nothing would happen because no one saw it and I was the one drinking.
I still didn't know if I was overreacting or not, but it was unwanted so I think im justified at being angry at the guy. At the same time, I still keep going back to that conversation with A. It's hard to believe that a friend would say that someone doing something unwanted to me was just "nothing".
3. Twitch Tinder
In January 2015 I was streaming on Twitch. Back then, raids didn't exist so you could just host someone and stay in your chat while you watch. I got a host from person A. A was a pro player and the host was a lower viewer count than I expected (I think it was ~10) so I opened A's chat to see if I could see why I was hosted randomly. I never really talked to A before. There was a few people in his chat and someone stated that I was with Desrow. So me, thinking they were friendly/just joking around, I told them that I wasn't and left the chat shortly after. A hosted me another time and with the same low viewer count. So this time I opened it up to where it wouldn't show I was in the chat. I kept it up for awhile while trying to focus on my stream and just look at what they were saying later. Here's just some clips of what they said:
12:25 D: not poizon28
12:25 D: sigh
12:25 D: i would rather kill myslef
12:31 A: 200 ppl left alrdy
12:31 A: =[
12:31 A: why they dont want me to get laid with poizon?
12:31 A: huehuehue
12:31 C: LOL its like
12:31 C: they don't even care about u
12:31 C: some fans
12:31 A: yea makes no sense
12:31 A: o well
12:41 G: is this A's girlfriend?
12:41 C: maybe someone has been over there making it messy
12:41 A: no
12:41 E: This is A's Dream grill
12:41 A: *** off dude
12:41 G: he flirting hard
12:41 C: LOL
12:41 E: ???
12:41 E: Shes cute what u mad about
12:41 A: im not sure man..
12:41 E: If I had your game id be hittin on this too
12:41 E: alll night long
12:42 A: well you
12:42 A: idk man.
12:42 C: Idk E
12:42 E: hahaha
12:42 B: ye idk
12:42 F: Maybe I have a high standard but imo this girl is like 5/10
12:43 F: Honestly if you think about it, this after-chat stream is pretty cool. All of us sc2 fans just watching this girl getting trolled by people.
12:52 E: Donate A, you seem to keep acting like you dont like her
12:52 A: I love her man but she's with desrow I heard
12:52 A: so i give up
12:52 F: lol oh jeesh
12:52 E: So i give up hahahahahaha
12:53 F: She plays protoss and I don't know how I feel about that
12:53 F: other than that she seems nice though
12:53 A: ya thats also *** up
12:53 E: LOL
12:53 A: can only do angry sex
2:09 C: alright we'll have to play twitch tinder anothertime
Imagine reading all that while streaming. I know I should have just closed it but curiousity got the best of me and I wanted to see everything they were saying. A few of them would talk in my chat at the same time pretending to be all nice. It was really disturbing seeing a whole group of guys say these things, let alone in a place where anyone could see. I understand guys would talk like this, but usually you would do it in a private place that no one else would see. I already had low self-esteem and just getting made fun of like this, it just really makes you feel worthless.
WCS Toronto was a few months later and I found out A would be there. So I decided that I was going to call him out on everything and was just feeling angry/annoyed. A ended up signing autographs at a table. I made sure I was last in line and don't remember exactly what I said but I called him out on his "twitch tinder" and just walked away. Not going to lie, it felt really good to stand up for myself.
Later at a party he found me and kind of apologized/said it was his friends saying all that. After re-reading the messages after that weekend, he wasn't innocent. I ended up forgiving him and ended up hanging out/becoming friends. Everyone ended up drinking in the lobby of a hotel. He was going to go back to his room so I walked with him, thinking it was nothing and just a little more time to talk as new friends. Then I remembered when we got there he tried to kiss me. I rejected it and reminded him I had a boyfriend and left. Seems like the apology was empty as he was still trying to get with me.
I know this was years ago... I hope these guys have grown up. I do see B retweeting other sexual assault survivor's stories as I type this. (I know he didn't really say much in what I've shown but he didn't really stop them either). I know everyone is going to say "just ignore them" but hearing these kind of comments...it just sticks with you and is hard to forget.
1. Friend's boyfriend tried to put his hands down my pants/up my shirt. I spent the night to make sure I had enough to say to make sure my friend would break up with him.
2. A worker at DH Montreal afterparty kissed me. A friend said it was nothing. It hurts a bit to know that having something unwanted done to me was "nothing".
3. A pro player would host a girl and him+his friends would make fun of the girl. Ended up talking to him about it and he apologized and then later that night tried to get with me.
I'm sharing these experiences because I hope it helps someone else speak out. Whether it's IRL, in a stream, an event, or something else, please speak out if you are able to. The only way to change any of this is to talk about it and get these people to think before they do or say something. I know there are people that would say something like "boys will be boys", but I'm hoping this may change at least one person's way of thinking. We're people too :(