Sexual Harassment, Emotional Abuse, Bdsm Abuse and Stalking from Avilo.
I met Avilo on twitch around summer of 2018. I was brand new to twitch and streaming. He dm'd me and we chatted a bit.
I watched his stream here and there. He asked me to be his mod after some trolls spammed his chat. I initially declined because I wasn't around much to help out but he said he didn't have many people he could trust and he needed the help.
We became friends shortly after and he seemed nice. People had started mentioning that he was known for being toxic but their basis for that seemed to be that he didn't "gg" and that he was "mean" which I didn't see any evidence of because he was always laughing and joking around from what I saw when he was live.
Avilo told me that people would get jealous that I'm his friend and try to make false claims against him - the claims started coming in just like he said they would, so I didn't give them the attention I should have. I started to feel bad for the bullying he seemed to receive and I went out of my way to defend him anytime someone would say something about him within my community - I would later learn that their comments were justified and accurate.
He started making suggestive jokes with me in private. Anyone that knows me would probably agree that I have a pretty liberal sense of humour and a high tolerance for people acting up. His jokes didn't bother me or seem like a big deal. He told me he didn't really have any friends in starcraft and I was his only real friend. He mentioned that he was sad that his twitch channel was on the decline and he was looking for ways to boost his viewership.
He started making more sexual jokes towards me in between conversations where he kept mentioning how mean people are to him for no reason and how he doesn't trust anyone or have anyone to talk to. He would become angry when I would use other streamers emotes in our dm's. He said it was offensive.
A short list started forming of people he didn't want me to talk to. He always seemed to have a convincing reason, at first. The list grew larger over time to include other players, casters, even my mods and friends. He wanted me to say good morning to him daily and he would express how disappointed he was when I didn't say it.
He mentioned that should we ever attend the same starcraft event, that he expected me to decline any dinner offers from any group of people and to eat alone with him.
He carried on about the starcraft "elite" and said I should have nothing to do with them because it would be rude towards Avilo
This is also where he began covertly grooming me for his bsdm pet/master fantasies by asking me to call him "sir"
(I had no knowledge about what bdsm was before Avilo come along)
I had been using "sir" as a general way to say hi to people and he said he liked that.
He said to only say it to him from now on though. I thought it was all some weird meme and I went along with it, I didn't realize he actually thought himself to be my "master" until much later on.
The good mornings were also a form of "training" along with other things which I will discuss. At this moment in time, I didn't think anything about his little requests.
I saw this as him just being a needy friend.
His jokes were getting weird. In a discord voice conversation I asked him about it and he said he didn't mean any of it but he meant it at the same time. I asked for clarification and got word salad after word salad.
He told me he was touching himself in the voice call and he needed me to help him out and to stay in the call. I was pretty shocked and told him it wasn't a good idea. He said things like "yes yes it IS a good idea please please you'll make me so happy." I had a rush of thoughts like why is my so-called "friend" doing this to me?? I froze up and made a horrible mistake by doing what he wanted. I would later learn that he was systematically recording every voice call and recording every discord message for future use.
Once I gathered myself and objected to what happened he would say things like "no no you enjoyed it atira you made me sooooo happy you were so good to me why would you even say this to me, don't you like making me happy?" I could tell he was getting upset so I dropped the issue. I've always struggled with an extreme fear of conflict and this was obviously my own problem that I let get in the way.
He kept voice calling me and requesting the same thing. I told him I was uncomfortable with what he was doing and it needed to stop.
A lot of our conversations happened on snapchat in addition to discord.
I don't have records of those on my end, but he does.
I found out months later that he would hold his phone up to his webcam while we chatted and record every snap conversation without me knowing.
One time when he was being particularly aggressive, he told me to tell him I loved him and he would stop and the call would be over, so I said it.
Afterwards he wanted me to keep telling him I loved him and he said "you said it once atira, you can say it again"
I told him I didn't mean it and he said yes you do.
We would argue and argue about this but once again it seemed easier to go along with it instead of fight with him because I quickly learned fighting with Avilo was a complete nightmare.
Avilo would do things like stream with no mic or cam and say it was my fault or not stream at all and remind me it's his "job" to stream. Before I knew it I was saying good morning Avilo I love you every morning, as per his instructions, to avoid him getting upset with me. I told him many times that I didn't mean it and it was weird but again he would argue and said it made him happy so I should just do it anyways.
I told him this whole thing is toxic, and I was uncomfortable and it needs to stop. He would argue with me and say I'm affecting his streaming when we fight
I deleted a bunch of inappropriate nsfw conversations between him and I because I was upset that it was even happening in the first place and there were times where he would accidentally show his discord on his stream
He lost his mind when I cleared them and he told me to NEVER EVER delete our conversations again or there would be a problem.
***He routinely made me watch live videos of him masturbating and my "punishment" for not acting enthusiastic about it was he would take longer to finish, then he would blame me for his stream starting late.
He sent me a video of a woman dancing enthusiastically for a man and he said he expected me to act like that.
Behind the scenes he was recording every positive msg I sent him. Anytime I objected he would pull the routine of not streaming, blaming me and he even started saying that if anyone found out I was his "pet" they would be disgusted and I would have no friends and have to leave the community.
Dec of 2018 during one of my streams Avilo randomly insulted a caster that was actively chatting in my channel. He was timed out by a mod for 10 mins for his comment. He completely flipped on me and started spamming me hundreds of messages on discord saying I better mod him so he can't be timed out again or he would cause a scene.
He yelled at me in discord voice chat for over an hour demanding mod status in my channel.
I didn't want him to be my mod, I didn't want him in my channel, I didn't want him in my life. His reaction was through the roof hysterical, he yelled and screamed at me, spammed hundreds of messages freaking out. I told him let's just go separate ways & I'll unmod myself from his channel and do our own thing.
He told me I was NEVER to unmod myself.
I did it anyway and he would just remod me and say I'm letting people influence me and I don't mean anything I'm saying.
He started writing scripts about how I was to address my community word for word.
He warned me that if I EVER blocked him that there would be consequences.
He told me he already "got rid" of one girl from Starcraft and that he would do it again.
He was convinced that my mods were controlling me and preventing him from being active in my channel and he wanted me to ban them all. I said I would just leave streaming and starcraft anyways since he was threatening me but he ignored that and went on tangents about my mods, said my discord was infiltrated by trolls and started coming up with conspiracy theories.
He was telling me his crazy delusions and theories about why I wouldn't mod him and in frustration I finally said yes, sure, they're all blackmailing me everyone is!!! I'd rhyme off random names, agree with everything he said even told him crazy made up stories about why I couldn't be his mod or be with him overall (since he wasn't taking no for an answer) but nothing stuck and it just made things worse.
Eventually he calmed down, apologized and I was so relieved when the crazy behaviour stopped. He was upset that I wasn't coming to his stream anymore and he demanded I talk and be active there.
He told me that because of the drama "I caused" that there were more trolls than usual in his steam and it was my responsibility to ban them because I needed to learn to stand up to people because he wanted what's best for me.
He said as long as I continued to be his "pet" that he would leave my stream alone, not ask for mod and be calm. I would go on to learn that this was the beginning of something called trauma bonding, where he would cause a problem, blame me and then be the solution and try to comfort me afterwards.
(I have receipts of almost everything that went on from this point forward, and some from our initial conversations as well)
Avilo told me that he would "let me go" from being his pet IF I found someone else for him to replace me
He said I would need to "train her" to please him
Nothing ever came of that and we continued to argue and fight
He later said he had no intention of letting me go and I was to be his pet for life.
*He continued to make me watch videos of him masturbating and he would demand I comment on how good he looks.*
He started doing something he called "voice training" because he didn't want me to talk to him on voice calls, only make noises, which he considered "good behaviour"
My mental health was deteriorating.
I went through with finally blocking him despite his warnings not to. He made alts & told me he recorded some audio between us and he said that I would be so embarrassed if he released it and I would have to leave starcraft forever.
He kept mentioning how he "got rid" of the previous girl.
He would spam me on every platform, make alts and demand we talked. He would often msg me on an alt promising to be calm and understanding if I unblocked him. (I managed to get a copy of some of the recorded audio to give to the police because it was getting to the point where I felt it necessary to call them and report what was happening with his 100+ constant alts and thousands of unwanted messages) I had to beg avilo for the audio and he wouldn't release it until I told him I wasn't mad at him for recording me, which he made me type out.
We went through that cycle a few times but I was exhausted, drained and I decided I didn't care about whatever he was going to "do to me", I had to get him out of my life.
I learned from talking to people that were around during the time he did the same thing to another girl a few years ago that he thought she "cheated on him" which eventually lead to him leaving her alone
I let Avilo believe I was seeing someone else in the starcraft community (a fairly inactive sc2 player) as he was already making those accusations on a regular basis anyway. The person Avilo believed I was seeing was fine with Avilo believing this as he also wanted Avilo to leave me alone and encouraged the idea.
Avilo became infuriated and his spam reached new levels.
This led to him turning on his stream and demanding that I unblock him and msg him. He went on for hours threatening me and demanding that I talk to him or he would show all of our cringe conversations to his entire channel. This went on for hours on Twitch. I stayed strong and didn't unblock him.
He proceeded to show private msgs on stream and played an audio recording on with me saying I love you. He used Twitch to break the law on stream since his state has recording laws.
I hadn't consented to that being recorded and it was a completely different audio recording from what he had sent me to threaten me with. He violated multiple Twitch community guidelines within those hours.
His viewership jumped dramatically from his usual 400 viewers to over 800+ during this.
After that stream, he emailed me endlessly and said he will never let me go.
I had previously contacted the police about Avilo and they said they were aware that he harassed another girl a few years ago but nothing really came of it.
The cops had told Avilo to leave me alone back in the winter time but nothing really came of that either.
I called the cops again in March because Avilo wouldn't stop emailing me and kept demanding I talk to him and he said he will never ever stop.
I told the police about the recorded audio and handed it over to them.
Avilo was brought into the police station for an interview and was told to bring with him any evidence that he wasn't harassing me and any evidence that I consented to the audio being recorded before he did it.
The cops told me he had none and so they would continue to investigate when they had time.
Over the next few weeks Avilo made it a point to routinely discuss me and my community in his Twitch stream. He kept bashing my mods and friends and kept saying I need to contact him.
He told his viewers to go to my channel and ask why he's still banned from it. He would tell them to do this for hours day after day.
He continuously broke Twitch's community guidelines and even told another starcraft player to "end himself" while live.
Multiple members of his community said they reported the incident.
The police continued their investigation into all of his alts, emails and eventually charged him with harassment and illegal recording
His stream was permabanned shortly afterwards.
I was forwarded two emails that Avilo received from Twitch. One email said he was banned for government notice and a second email said they reviewed his account and he was banned for "incidents of serious violations of Twitch's Terms of Service and the Community guidelines'' (I make note of this because he likes to make up fake reasons for his ban and encourages his community to spread his lies)
This video goes into more detail.
I would like to make a note that Avilo is in the habit of telling people that he used to get "swatted" a lot.
I inquired with the cop about that and he said no, all they ever did was visit his house to ask him to leave the previous girl alone, and to leave me alone. The cop said he was even welcomed inside by Avilo's parents and they had sit down discussions about what was going on.
After Avilo was charged, he continued to make alts and harass me.
He was encouraging his community to contact me and to harass my mods and friends.
The police called me a few weeks before the trial was supposed to happen with some bad news. They told me initially that I qualified for shielding against having my personal info released because Avilo didn't have much info on me and it was a harassment/stalking situation so I'd be protected. The State's Attorney reviewed the case and said Avilo wasn't an immediate physical threat to me so I didn't qualify for protection. I was told if I wanted to testify that he would get everything. The cop I was dealing with wasn't keen on that and neither was I. The cop said he would work with the State's Attorney for a solution but the only thing they came up with was giving Avilo a 6 month "stet". They didn't want to have the charges dropped either because the State's Attorney felt like there was so much evidence after reviewing the case (the cop told me this) so the 6 month "stet" was set. The cop apologized and wished me good luck…
Avilo took his harassment to a whole new level when he started making comments about my children to get my attention and enlisting more members of his community to harass me.
Mental health was down the drain and I started going to therapy and was prescribed an SSRI a few weeks later, but I felt completely broken from all of this.
Avilo was msging me on alts through bnet and I told him to leave my kids alone and don't talk about them ever. He apologized and said he won't do that anymore if I keep talking to him. He said he was so sad and all alone.
He said he was depressed and was thinking about suicide. He started saying things like atira I know you're sad I can feel it.
He told me I was his twin flame and we were destined to be together and that's why I was so sad. He apologized for spamming me so many msgs and he apologized for everything and he said he shouldn't have done anything that he did to me. He apologized for saving our messages and for his streams where he attacked me online. He told me he wanted to "help me heal"
I told him I was seeing a therapist and on an SSRI and he didn't like that. He told me not to take any medication and that my therapist was going to turn me against him "just like your mods did"
He told me he was desperate for money and he had nothing left, he said he was down to pennies and he told me how much his lawyer was. He said his mom had to get a job to pay the loan they took out for the lawyer. He said it was all because of me but then he would say it's not my fault. He would say things like "atira, I know you didn't mean for this to happen, you're a good person and I'm so sorry I spammed you I'll never do it again even if we fight, if you ever don't want to talk to me I'll just shut up I promise" I sent him some money which I deeply regret for obvious reasons. (almost a year later he would proceed make several tweets to try and shame me for sending him money)
He told me he was starting to feel better and that I pulled him out of a dark place. He said he would never save another screenshot again and never threaten me.
He wanted me to help him build up his YouTube community, since he claimed I caused his stream to get banned.
We soon began having arguments because he was persistent about his pet/master stuff and he wanted to accompany me to wcs Montreal in Sept 2019
I strongly objected to this and said that wasn't happening. We fought endlessly over it.
We made an agreement that if I met Avilo before Sept and I still didn't want him going to the event with me, that he wouldn't go.
He said if we meet in the summer and I still don't like him that he would leave me alone forever.
Right after we met, he decided he needed to be in my discord server.
He told me I didn't have any real friends if he couldn't be in my discord and I needed to stand up to everyone.
He said if I wasn't willing to go to wcs with him then something was wrong and it needed to be corrected.
I reminded him about our agreement, that he would leave me alone forever after that day and he refused.
He went and saved every conversation and threatened me with it because of the pet/master convos that he told me would humiliate me.
It was happening all over again, all of it.
Only difference is I had my therapy and SSRI kicking in and most of the symptoms I was having were going away.
I became braver.
He was actively spamming me and refused to stop making alts so I began screenshotting all of his spam and shared it and told him to stop.
He refused and kept spamming me on alts and emails.
I told him if he didn’t leave me alone that I would release all of the stuff he was holding over my head & blackmailing me with since 2018.
He still refused and kept spamming me on alts and emails.
I started explaining to some people about all of the pet/master stuff he put me through and pretty much everything else and he still refused to leave me alone.
I told people we met up and some of the details about that day which infuriated him because he had told me never to tell anyone we met irl.
I told people about some of the gross things about him, the horrible things he said and did and how he was addicted to making me "watch him"
Nothing made him leave me alone.
He would still make alts and send me dick pics against my wishes
There were times I'd have dips in my mental health and he would constantly dm me on alts, even if I said "I'm unwell, I'm not ok, please stop" and he would send me audio or video of himself.
He was saying he wanted to kill himself because I wouldn't talk to him and be his pet.
I've gone through the process of closing off ALL my dm's but he makes 100's of email accounts to spam me. I added filters to my email and they do help a lot. I can't really get a new email address because he can make an alt and donate to me and get the email address. (after his perma ban from Twitch, he did donate to me a few times while I was live on Twitch to talk to me through TTS.
The email used was his main email account that appears on his YouTube channel so it was reported to twitch for ban evasion- he did this to JuggernautJason as well because he didn’t want me associating with him: https://twitter.com/JuggernautJason/status/1268697477294759938?s=20
He uses a vpn which he showed on his desktop one day (TunnelBear) so he can bypass ip bans and make new emails to donate and use tts on Twitch.
He was making alt after alt to spam me.
I admit there were times I would just let him spam on his main discord account and I would simply mute it that way I could have my dm's open for my community and engage with them properly again.
One account spamming was often less of a headache than alts coming at me and into my discord server.
He said he was still planning to go to WCS Montreal in Sept to see me
I made it very clear to everyone that I did not want him going and even if he went, I was not going to fold and give into whatever he wanted to happen there.
There are several eyewitnesses to him approaching me multiple times for all 3 days and at one point a few guys physically blocked him from touching me because he kept shoving a piece of garbage at me.
I was told he had saved a candy wrapper from when we met and brought it with him to Montreal with a note inside that he wanted me to read......
I notified security because he was following me when I tried to leave. They told him to stay inside of the event and let me exit. I was waiting outside for my Uber with a friend of mine and he found me.
I pulled out my phone and I told him I would record it if he doesn't stop. He tried to grab my phone from me just before I started recording. The recording is on youtube: https://youtu.be/3an6mBr8W2A?t=359
I was told by a friend of his that he didn't book a hotel room and he thought I would let him stay with me at mine.
I didn't take the shuttle bus from the hotel to the event out of fear that he would see the hotel name and start waiting in the lobby or try to follow me to my room so I had to keep ordering Ubers.
Avilo took breaks in his harassment afterwards but it persisted nonetheless.
He came to Canada again and waited in a parking lot for me to show up, I didn't.
Avilo said he would come to Canada every weekend until we met up and talked.
He made another trip a while later but he turned around because of a rain storm and said he almost died trying to come see me and it would have been my fault.
Avilo made a discord server for his YouTube community, but he used it to gather them together and ordered them to harass me.
Discord banned his account.
Avilo went on a tweet storm and blamed me for getting his account "unjustly banned"
He made another discord account and another discord server as he lost access to his first one because he didn't have any mods with invite permissions. He did the same thing in his new discord and spammed for hours about me and my community. Discord launched an investigation after I reported him and they asked me for a list of every new alt he made recently to harass and spam me.
His discord account was banned shortly after.
Plenty of his YouTube streams over the past several months have been ranting about me and telling his community to bother me and "call me out"
He still constantly tweets about me and still sends me hundreds of emails and makes alts demanding that I talk to him.
His tweets sometimes consist of completely fabricated screenshots and his recent spam consists of him telling me I have no real friends, no community and nobody cares about me except him.
I would like to take a moment to talk about what I learned and the mistakes I made though this.
I'm the third girl he's done this to and it needs to stop.
I hope someone can take something away from this as a lesson that situations like this have to be PREVENTED as once it starts it's a nightmare to deal with.
I learned that I've been dealing with a textbook narcissist. I had been lucky enough for 30 years to never have a close encounter with one until Avilo came along. I learned that he had been manipulating me, gaslighting me, projecting and twisting reality to suit his wants and needs. I educated myself a little about the bsdm community and what is appropriate and inappropriate. I learned how much they emphasize consent and they rebuke anyone forcing themselves onto someone claiming to be their master.
I learned from reading the stories from other survivors of narcissistic abuse that once a narcissist has you in their grasp, it can take years and multiple attempts to get away from them.
Everything he did in regards to what he called a pet/master relationship was pure abuse. I told him many many times during our interactions that I was uncomfortable and he would yell at me and demand I obey my "master."
Covertly grooming me to be his “pet” knowing I had no knowledge of anything to do with bdsm was abusive (I had told him I didn't know anything about this stuff)
The cold hard truth is if I had just blocked him early on, most of this probably wouldn't have happened. Hindsight…
That's my screw up. I cared about him once we became friends and I let irrational fear control me and make my decisions for me. I had never ever been threatened before in any way. It was a completely new experience for me and I handled it poorly.
A few more receipts:
This is where he was unblocked & muted because his alts were out of control.
He would spam for days/hours and I hardly noticed because you can “mute” specific dm’s.
I was free to have my dm’s open to my community again but discord calls still come through even if someone is muted (they might have changed this in a recent update or they should if they haven’t)
I had to block him again, shut off all my dm’s and close off my discord so he couldn’t enter and start to harass my community :/
https://imgur.com/CcOTy3u - This is an example of the out of context "blackmail" Avilo sends me. This was after him telling me that I need to let him call me a slut, but he carefully saves what he wants and I don't have original copies as his discord account was banned months ago.
He still sends me images like this and titles them "atiralovesme"
https://imgur.com/ehSCk9j - Avilo's death threat to me. He has since deleted it
https://imgur.com/KEIisEL - An example of the spam he would send me when he got angry. He would threaten not to stream and go crazy.
I've summarized as much as can. There's still so much that happened and other ways he tormented me but I think this explains everything.