I filed a rape report against Bil Carter (AKA Jump) on October 26, 2019
I filed a rape report against Bil Carter (AKA Jump) on October 26, 2019 to the North Hollywood Police Department.
~I did ask my friends if they were okay with being named. All of them gave me their full support. I won’t be naming his girlfriend out of respect for her. Please be kind to her and all of my friends.~
On the October 24th I went out with some close friends to our favorite bar. I had just finished moving most of my stuff into my new apartment in North Hollywood. Most of us had something we were celebrating that night. Someone invited Bil as he was a friend of theirs. I had met him previously through the industry, but we’d only ever been acquaintances. His friends shared stories of vacations they had all been on. He talked up his girlfriend. I didn’t know him well, but he seemed to be close friends with people I respected and cared about. It just seemed like a normal night out, almost convention-like. I was happy to be with most of my friends and make new ones. I rarely went out without my boyfriend, and I thought I was in a safe environment.
When the first bar closed, some friends left (they have good sleep schedules). The rest of us went to a second favorite bar which stays open a little later on Thursdays. There were only 5 of us now. Andrew (@Sigils), Justin (@Zotbot), Vana (@HavanaRama), Bil (@Jump_), and me. We all had a great time talking and catching up. When Bil suggested we all go back to his place, everyone was on board. I love my other friends who were there, and I rarely got to see them for this much time. Plus, his apartment was near mine. I didn’t think getting home would be an issue.
His apartment complex had the most confusing layout. This didn’t seem like too much of an issue until later. He gave us a quick tour of his apartment. He talked about how great the place was for streaming because, from a streamer’s perspective, having thick enough walls that your neighbors can't hear you screaming at a video game is a good thing. I didn’t recognize this as an issue at the time either.
About an hour or so after we arrived, the party started dying down. My friends were ready to leave. I felt Bil lived too close for to me to Uber, but too far for me to feel comfortable walking alone in LA. He said he’d walk me home. I thought I’d get to finish my beer and go home.
When everyone was gone, he was a different person. He didn’t change right away. He slowly morphed into it. He delayed taking me home. He opened more wine.
At the time my friends left, I fully believed I was with a friend who loved his girlfriend. I thought I could have a conversation with him and be safe. By the time I realized I was truly in danger, my friends were home and asleep. Somehow he made enough time pass so that the texts for help I sent to my friends and boyfriend wouldn’t be read until morning.
I asked him if he would marry [girlfriend’s name]. He told me “I don’t know.” But not in a thoughtful way. It was the slimiest, scariest tone I have ever heard. Like he was considering consuming me. Right after those words, he began his assault.
When he started kissing me, I pulled away. I was in shock. This was not the person I thought I knew. I also couldn’t figure out how me asking if he was going to marry his girlfriend equaled “time to kiss this other girl” in his head. I was terrified for my safety and also trying to figure out what I had done to confuse him. He tried kissing my neck instead. Complimented me over and over. I didn't care how pretty or funny or smart he considered me. This was a stranger. And I was alone. He was well beyond a foot taller than me. I'm about 5'2. Even if could get away from him, how would I get home? I thought because I was pulling away, that he would understand to stop. Thought that bringing up my boyfriend, saying no and wanting to go home would make him understand to stop. It didn't. I was petrified.
Instead he took my phone away from me and carried me to the bedroom.
It didn’t matter if it hurt. It didn’t matter if I screamed. It didn’t matter if I wanted it to stop. Eventually I just tried to shut down. I tried so hard not to be there. I was an empty husk sobbing through “what do you want” over and over.
When he was done. He looked me in the eyes and said “sorry.”
He left the room and brought me back my phone. I texted Andrew asking him to never leave me alone with Bil ever again. Later that day, Andrew told me about 4 minutes after he got my text, he got a text from Bil saying how annoying it was that I didn’t want to leave.
Bil finally walked me home around 6 am. As we walked, I texted my boyfriend that I had been taken advantage of and was not ok. I couldn’t even bring myself to say the “r” word.
Once home, I immediately I tried to wash myself where he touched me before I remembered that I would need what he left of himself in and on me for a rape kit.
After I woke up that afternoon, I messaged and called some of my friends to talk and also let them know I was ~okay~. A few of them had woken up to a barrage of texts for help. They told me I hadn’t sent Bil any signals. I hadn’t come on to him. And he had made no signs of hitting on me. They wouldn’t have left if they had thought so. This is when I was told of his text message stating how I was being annoying for not going home. It disgusted me that minutes after he was done using my body that he would try to make it seem like it was my choice. I lost count of how many times I vomited that day.
I knew what had happened. He had tried to create an environment to get me as drunk as possible, but I hadn’t had enough to not remember. I was traumatized, but I knew what he did.
I texted Bil. I hoped he would tell me the truth, or give me some inkling as to why he did what he did. I asked him what happened. This was his opportunity to be honest.
His response was to tell me we only talked and that I helped him do some self-realization. He thanked me. (see the first two images of this conversation here: https://imgur.com/a/xPPKbmh )
I told my roommate about what had happened, and as soon as he got back from work, he helped me figure out where to get a rape kit done. I wasn’t prepared for how long the process would take. My roommate helped me through the evening until Keenan, my boyfriend, could arrive.
Keenan (@Criken/@Crikmaster) stayed with me through everything. From holding my hand while I laid in a hospital bed crying going over everything again, through the police writing everything down, through the nurse collecting dna from every part of my body my rapist touched. He held me while I tried to keep from throwing up the pills they give you to prevent pregnancy and some STDs. I had never experienced what felt like lava boiling out and up from my stomach. I wasn’t strong enough to keep the pills down and somehow it hurt even worse coming up. They gave me more to try to swallow later.
I didn’t get to be home, showered, and in bed until around 11 am that Saturday October 26.
In the middle of that week, I did call Bil. He was very worried about me possibly being on speakerphone. He needed me to confirm no one else was around. He told me if it sounded like he was shaking it was because he was in Seattle for a gig and it was cold. He thanked me for “handling this like an adult” and for reaching out. He claimed he had been trying to reach me too even though he had neither called nor texted me.
I asked him about what he did to my body. He was unable to clearly answer. There were parts of me that felt like he had tried ripping them off. When I asked about those places, he told me he never touched me there. I asked him if he knew why my arm hurt; he cut me off to claim he never restrained me. Bil told me that nothing really happened, and yet in this same call he tried to convince me that we don’t want to tell his girlfriend or my boyfriend about that night because we don’t want to hurt them. He told me we should be silent because “we’ve both worked so hard in our careers.”
From what I’ve heard from friends, Bil was very “buddy buddy” that week, being more friendly and talkative than usual, probably to gauge what they knew. From what I have been told, the day after he had finally talked in person with everyone, only then did he tell his girlfriend about something. I don’t believe he told her what truly happened. Though considering he couldn’t tell me the truth about what he did to my body, I don’t know how he would’ve been able to tell her.
The following day (Sunday, November 3) he sent me this. (See final image of conversation here, the blocked out words are where he says his girlfriend's name: https://imgur.com/a/xPPKbmh )
Considering he went from nothing happened, to something happened but we should be quiet and also couldn’t clearly admit what he did to my body, it felt like him reaching out was only to manipulate me and others further. I didn’t feel there was reason to talk with him that Sunday. It had been over a week since I had gone to the police, and Bil had already had several chances to be honest.
The next day (Monday, November 4), the detectives started reaching out to my friends about that night. At first the lack of action taken surprised me. Surely if the police could get him to decide on one story or the other, it would be obvious that he only says what needs to be said depending on the room. Unfortunately, months have passed. They’ve been able to accomplish little. Part of that is covid, part of that is that the system doesn’t seem to help anyone except predators. I’ve tried my best to heal, but not being able to talk about this has kept it feeling like an open and infected wound.
If you have sex you don’t need to hide it to the person you had it with. You don’t need to ask them to stay silent. You don’t threaten their career. You don’t figure out who knows what before you decide to pretend to come clean. You don’t worry about who is listening and tell them nothing happened but also that we shouldn’t tell anyone. You can’t just carry someone to a bed and ignore their nos. Can’t just tell them nothing happened and change the narrative. You can’t tell me we only talked when my arm and mouth and hips could feel where you grabbed me and held me down in order to get what you wanted. Bil Carter raped me.
Thank you for reading. I am sorry I haven’t been ok and I know I haven’t been the most active streamer lately. I was quiet because I was going through the “proper channels.” And also because I want to create a happy space for my community, not bring this darkness to you.
Thank you to my friends, and boyfriend who have been with me every step of the way, and those of you who supported me as a person or creator even though you could tell I’ve been broken.
Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. I hope that through the truth we become stronger. I hope that we can create a safer space.
I would not be as strong as I am without you. All of you. I love you so much.