My response to mariahcarriesu

---

I took a lot of time to talk with many different people. Friends and acquaintances. People who would keep it brutally honest with me.

I’m currently struggling with my pride, but that’s not nearly as important as the reconciliation these women deserve. It is important to listen to women now and I know it took a lot of courage for merlinda to speak up.

I fucked up. I had a very basic concept of what consent means and thanks to the friends and acquaintances for willing to educate me instead of condemn, I have a better understanding of where I messed up.

I’ve always felt getting consent is crucial before engaging in any sexual activities, but what I didn’t know was consent isn’t just a yes. Being forced to say yes under pressure created either by the situation or the aggressor still isn’t consent. You should ask multiple times if they’re ok and if they really do consent because people often times have difficulty saying no.

Pressuring someone to come over creates an unneeded tension that makes it difficult to say no because they already gave in once. Asking “why didn’t the girl just not go” isn’t a valid excuse. I’ve said things in the screenshot DMs that could have been handled better.

I think these conversations are important to have with both people like-minded and not like-minded. This is in the hopes to more thoroughly educate each other. After reflection and much conversation and listening, I think as men, it’s important to acknowledge that we live in a society that generally benefits us and that because of such implications, women feel the pressure of said society. We need to take a step back and reflect if we are abusing said power over women. Many women said that we need to empower women to be able and comfortable saying no in any and every situation. I know that women have come out and been attacked which has deterred change in many environments and further deepened many women’s fear of speaking their truth. I’ve been told by female friends that saying “no” is easier said than done because of the added pressure that society has put on women to be sexual and please men. The expectations of what women should do can exceed what women are comfortable with. Each person is different and must be treated as such and not a blanket experience.

While I’ve been engaging in the hook up culture, it wasn’t my intention to hurt her, but intentions don’t mean anything when someone experiences something hurtful. That person needs to take responsibility, and I’m here to take responsibility for what I’ve done. I can’t take back what I’ve done, but I can improve who I am and make sure this doesn’t happen again.

I’ve reached out personally to her and those who are private, but I want to apologize to you Merlinda because I’m sure you’ll see this eventually. I’m sorry for putting you in that uncomfortable situation and causing hurt that you’ve had to live with for years. For the two other people who wish to remain private and any other people that I’ve hurt, I’m sorry I was a huge dick head. I want to apologize to you guys as well reading this for letting you down. I’m always more than willing to have a conversation with people.


Paco

Reply · Report Post