OhNoPorkchop

Marisa · @OhNoPorkchop

22nd Jun 2020 from TwitLonger

Mixer: I'm Done Being Silent.


Upon reading Milly's post 'Mixer: The Black Experience' I had a very strong suspicion as to who the person was that was being referenced. And I hate to say it...but I was not even surprised in the slightest.

Most of you who know me are aware that I try my best to internalize things rather than going public with it (not the healthiest method I know) but I had a strong belief at the time that remaining professional was far more important when trying to be successful in this industry. But honestly, with a few of my experiences of working in the gaming/streaming industry and working for big corporate organizations, I've become rather cynical and lacking in patience. And I'm done with being quiet about it.

About 3 years ago I was hired as a Partner Onboarding Specialist when the platform was currently known as Beam. My role and responsibilities were fairly heavy considering the headcount (or lack of) and growth of the platform. But I made it work. I worked remote for the most part due to lack of desk space and that I wanted to focus and stay on top of the sheer volume of partner applications coming in. This was also back when we were scheduling interviews with applicants so there was a lot of moving pieces, I suspect most of that has changed now. Beam was going through a lot of growth pains, and that was understandable. But as a team, we were working through it the best we could and were listening to the community.

Fast forward to after the transition into what is now known as Mixer and said individual has joined the team. To begin with, everything seemed fine and the prospect of further success and growth for the platform and it's community was exciting! But the work load got heavier, and some of my roles and responsibilities that came with the job description were changing with next to no communication. Another team member was due to take a mental health break for a few weeks, which turned into a couple of months. And although I fully support those breaks and are often needed, the extended time on that was never communicated with me and I ended up taking on more responsibilities than I was originally prepared for. This was all happening close to Mixer's first official Pax West presence.

This in itself put a massive weight on my own mental health, where the possibility of getting time off for myself was treated almost criminal and out of the question. I was also contracted, and in my experience of being in that position, you get treated very differently and almost with next to no consideration on mental health or at least the same level of understanding anyone in a full time position would get, even when juggling the same work load. The work load was heavy and I had next to no recovery time to be able to recharge. I was there for Mixers first official Pax West, mainly as an attendee but hanging out with the community at the booth because I cared (and still do) a great deal about them and had partnered so many and provided them feedback to give them the tools to grow. I wanted to be there to meet and greet and support all those creators who attended. I was tired, and visibly so. That individual approached me and sat with me. She asked "what is wrong with you? Why are you so tired? You have nothing to be tired about. Get the job done and do it right otherwise you can find another job" I was shocked. I felt like I had literally just been punched in the gut. I walked away from the convention hall in tears and had a mental breakdown. I didn't really know who else to turn to because I had literally allowed myself to break down in such a way that I was completely and utterly inadequate and not worthy of all the hard work I had put into the partnership program.

I've always considered myself to be a very versatile individual when it comes to work, and usually have no issues with wearing multiple hats, until it starts feeling like I'm being taken advantage of or set up to fail. This was clearly what that individual was doing. And this wasn't happening just to me, but other team members who have each shared their own experiences with me. I was given last minute tasks which were not my responsibility nor anything I was trained in and told to deliver by end of day. I did the best I could every single time those obstacles were handed to me. Until one day, I delivered a task that was not up to satisfaction for her to the point she emailed my recruiters with my email communication and put me on blast saying how disappointed she is and that it's not good enough. It was humiliating. She never once communicated with me that the tasks I was TRYING to complete were incorrect, all while I was trying to maintain the partnership program and work with hundreds of applicants on a day to day basis. She just used it all as fuel while setting me up to fail to just simply validate her argument towards getting rid of me.

3...fucking...years I've internalized my frustrations with how I was treated and eventually terminated. How others I worked with were treated, and how the community as a whole have just been ignored. All of the work I put into making the partnership program work. I was emotionally driven and compelled to empower the community at Mixer and give them all the tools to help them grow/improve/learn. It was the upmost importance to me and a lot of other team members I was fortunate enough to work alongside with to ensure everything ran smoothly and that that community was listened to.

Let me make something very clear to any of you who have been able to make it this far in this post (and thank you for taking the time to read) she does not give one solitary shit about you. And never has. At one point, she treated every single applicant as clutter and would rather I mass reject everyone just to bring the volume down. I couldn't do that. I tried my best to give EVERYONE an equal and fair chance of partnership. Everything is a numbers game for a lot of big organizations and Mixer is certainly guilty of that. Metrics are only as useful if your community has faith in you and the team. Lose that trust, and you've lost sight of your goals. The community owes you nothing. You owe them so much more, and they deserve better. I stress, there are a lot of solid individuals who still work under that roof and I really hope that they help in holding this individual accountable for their actions.

And I surely do hope that she is reading this...because I have something I would like to say:

You do not get to put yourself in a position of power and end up using it to manipulate and break down individuals around you who have all worked so hard to keep that ship from sinking. You do not get to sit there and feel that you are untouched simply because you've apparently driven the platform to "success". That does not make you exempt from holding yourself accountable for your actions and the way you've treated people. And it sure as shit does not protect you from the frustrated voices of so many individuals that you're lucky have dedicated so much commitment to the platform. I've sat in the same room/conference calls of meetings you've held where you have spoken about the community in such poor light. Where they're only a number to you and nothing more. I've seen the way you smirked when you would belittle the community when they were trying to provide feedback. As long as you see the money rolling it, it doesn't matter what anyone has to say, right? Enough is enough. Success is so much more than metrics. You've lost the trust of so many people for so long now. You will drive people away and you will sooner turn the blame on your team and work them to the bone to find a solution because you don't want to deal with the dirty work. But as soon as Mixer gets praise...it's all you. I've heard more than enough experiences from individuals who have worked alongside you and it makes me sick to my stomach how much of an unfair individual you have been.

[UPDATE] While typing all this out and trying to get out some frustrations I've internalized for so long, the Facebook Gaming news dropped. From my understanding, this was not communicated with the community in advance. I am so massively disappointed and sorry that so many of you have been stripped of something that you spent so long building. Know that your efforts will never be forgotten. The reason Mixer even held on for so long and became what it was, is because of every single one of you putting your blood, sweat and tears into it. You believed in it. You put your trust in it. And just like that it was ripped from you as if it wouldn't carry any sort of weight on you. This is exactly where I am at, I am beyond livid at companies treating their communities as a number game that can just be shifted with great ease depending on what is more important to them. Although...I will say that I am glad they have given you all some form of a back up, though it is still rather insulting that the expectation to simply make a choice after spending so long with something to be an easy adjustment.

I am thankful that I was able to work alongside so many community members at Mixer and to spend time getting to know you all. I have full confidence that no matter what, you will be able to band together and support one another through this. You are still a community, and you still have the ability to empower one another to get through this. Never lose sight of who you are. Now is the time more than ever that you need to lean on each other for support, to rebuild and unite. You got this. <3

Thank you for taking the time to read. I only wish that I had shared my experiences sooner. I also apologize for any major grammatical mistakes. I'm rather fired up and just wanted to get all of this out as quickly as possible before losing my flow.

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