I'm done being silent.
I just want to say before we get into this that I appreciate all of you who have messaged me or tweeted at me and supported me without even knowing what happened. It means more than you can imagine. I wasn’t going to tell all anytime soon because I really struggle with accepting that people won’t flip the script this time around.
Back in 2015 I started streaming Destiny, and it got me noticed by a streamer with a very large platform. At the time, I was oblivious to who was who and how popular anyone was. I barely used twitch beforehand so I didn’t know how anything worked, but my friends in my clan knew who this person was and encouraged me to be friends with him. At first it started with him asking me to join his clan.
I distinctly remember him trying to convince me saying “you’re lucky I’m asking again, usually we only ask once” and “we all get one girl to bring into the clan, so the others will know.”
The only reason I joined was because one of my close friends said I should and that they wouldn’t be upset I left my current clan. We became a couple and no one knew at first because he was a popular streamer and didn’t want that out there and I respected it.
But slowly I began to feel like a dirty secret. His friends didn’t know at first and then I asked to be able to tell two of our mutual friends who I was close to at the time. He agreed which made me feel better, but it was still definitely a secret. He was very passive aggressive if I disagreed or did something he didn’t like it was hell for me. He used a lot of manipulation tactics to get me to do what he wanted and at the time I was too insecure to stand up for myself.
He was the first guy I ever sent nudes to because he guilt tripped me saying “other guys get to see their girlfriends” and wouldn’t let up until i did it. I was so so so uncomfortable with it but i began to feel bad for him and didn’t want him to break up with me bc i wouldn’t. I felt gross afterwards and used but I didn’t say anything because he was happy. It was a very, very toxic “relationship,” but i felt stuck.
He and his friends had become my friends, if I wasn’t with him than I had no reason to be in the clan. I knew those friends would stop talking to me as well. I didn’t want to lose my friends who I thought cared about me and liked me for more than just being his “girlfriend.” Once he broke up with me claiming that he didn’t want to do long distance it was obvious I was right. Most of the clan stopped talking to me, but a few promised to stay friends with me and that nothing would change, which were lies.
But it was very clear once I became friends with the “xbox” guys that I was no longer welcome. So I hid in their streams instead, feeling like a black sheep. I felt uncomfortable in their streams, in streams of people they were friends with, in the place I thought I had friends. Soon after, I was kicked out of the clan for “cheering for another team” during a sweat and the next few months after that were hell.
His clans members would come into my stream harassing me and my friends. I would get attacked on twitter if any of my tweets could possibly be about him. I used to stream a lot, but they ran me off the platform because everywhere I looked they were there. For months and months I was harassed by one of their younger members to the point a feature for twitch had to be installed so someone you had banned couldn’t host you. It was constant.
I admit back then I was petty and I didn’t handle some situations the best, but being treated like that by people you thought cared about you is heartbreaking. My best friend at the time told me a while after that when my “boyfriend” and I had take a break for a week because of something dumb, he slid at her. My best friend who he told me he didn’t like.
Just last year I was told during our “relationship” he had a girlfriend irl the entire time by one of his close friends. The entire time he was acting like I was his girlfriend, I was an online side chick. Even now thinking about it I feel gross. I was manipulated and bullied and then cast aside and it was miserable. It hurt. Over the years I tried to be civil because he never lost his following and I didn’t want to leave the community, I dumbly believed maybe that he wasn’t like that anymore.
Maybe he didn’t do it to others. But the stories I’ve heard from other girls and from friends make me angry once again. BSK and its members used their popularity and community to slide into girls direct messages to get nudes. Plain and simple. It was a game for them, and for those same nudes to get leaked is disgusting. The fact multiple people have said you all swapped nudes after getting them from a girl who trusted you, is unforgivable.
I was never going to come out with a long post like this because there’s just so much, and i’m sure I've missed something, but the other girls this clan has manipulated into doing things they didn’t want to, or the girls who have had their private pictures posted, deserve for me to stand up and say something. BSK is a toxic clan and I’m tired of seeing your posts about treating women better when the girls you’ve hurt have not heard an apology.
You have had every opportunity to try and talk to me, and it’s only now that men are being called out that you message me asking to talk. Don’t message me again Lumi. I'm not trying to "talk" when you are only trying to save face, I’m done hearing your fake apologies.
To everyone who made it this far, emotional and mental abuse it just a serious. Don’t feel like you can’t stand up for yourself because it wasn’t physical. To all the ladies the clan has made feel gross or any less, you are strong and I stand with you.