zehN · @zehncsgo
31st May 2020 from TwitLonger
Whole text that was written by our whole squad about maikel together.
Im talking behalf of whole godsent CSGO Squad and coach, everyone is giving their own thoughts on this text about to clear some stuff.
We had induvidual talks with godsent few months ago and first questions were how is the team for you etc, and then discussion about "whats going on with maikel?" and then they told me that before we were about to join godsent, that this is a risk to take maikel in because of his "past behaviour" or something like that, there were talks already in the start in godsent that there might be a possibility that maikel is gonna be replaced if he doesnt perform. And they asked me why is he in the team if he cant put up numbers on game, has a lot confidence issues on different maps and not playing full time awp. I only told how i saw the situation and said we have had rough time and told them that because of this constant trolling ingame, shit talking, always telling how you die before you give crucial information ingame about the opponents location. Kicking cables off computers on bootcamp while practising, being super nervous and losing focus/balls during officials against higher opposition. And last was for me when we had ingame situation that i did wrongly on inferno rotating, i left him to die and i didnt call it, i got told about it and i apologized that it was my bad. Two days later during the bootcamp same this happened that maikel didnt call something for me and let me die, then i said "you didnt call this maikel" and he said "yep, like you didnt call in inferno 2 days ago :)" i stood up, i said i dont wanna play wtf is this shit, then he started to call me "fucking crybaby" "why are you such a crybaby :D" laughing and shit when he can clearly see on my face im upset about this behaviour, i left the room to chill out in kitchen and asked if our coach can play some rounds. This happened just before ice challenge LAN which made me really humiliated infront of our whole crew in godsent bootcamp, and i had this shit feeling and disrespect inside me towards him after that for a long time.
Some months went by again, i never gained the trust or feeling back towards him anymore, i even consulted other pro players and asked how they would do in a situation like this or to help me understand, and all said that this is not right or this player would not play in their team anymore. But since i always thought that maikel is one of the creators of the team i will just shut up about this, until we talked induvidually with godsent just to set up goals and i told this thing that happened in bootcamp while we were playing and how i didnt gain any neutral feeling back towards him, after some days from that conversation maikel asked to talk to me and apologized (like after 4 months) he never thought even apologizing before and thought its fine the way he did to me just because i never talked about it and was shut with it, maybe that is my fault since im not that open to talk about my feelings and stuff to a guy who constantly trolls and would use it against you at some point. So we were talking and then we added mental coach to our lineup to give us more understanding in our own behaviour, for him i can always talk about stuff that has been going on in my life or how am i feeling and its really good. In last 2 months someone who i love close to me started to hurt themselves and have really hateful feelings towards herself so i was really down for a period and i could open up to him more about this. This fucked up my mentality and feeling for a sometime and everyone noticed it that i was really down, quiet and negative. I could have talked about this to my team but i didnt, would have helped them to understand me earlier and maybe maikel would not have been affected by me so much, but also he was the guy i didnt wanna talk about my personal life since i didnt have the trust so i just kept everything in until few weeks ago.
We always gave maikel time to recover from his burnout, played with coach just to keep our practises somewhat stable, gave him all the time he needs to recover to be back
Then we started to attend lans in the end of the year 2019, we allowed him to scream infos in teamspeak because it was eather no info or loud scream and some info. Then we started to focus on maps like Nuke more where he didnt like to play awp or didnt feel comfortable, so we tried to fix that by telling him where to go, how to rotate or move around the map since when we talked it seemed that he didnt like the map at all but everyone else liked this map. Then same happened in vertigo that he didnt feel comfortable playing awp in that map also so it was just constant riflers picking awps because of inconsistent confidense issues on few maps, some other maps he was comfortable playing awp and it was fine. At some point all players started to out-aim him with awps and we had to create a playstyle thats based on lurks on around the map or aggression based on rifle players. When we had talk with him that he needs to improve his game induvidually or watch more demos to learn moves and how to move around certain map, instantly he got defensive and said he has been playing more, then we all posted our hours in we four had 100-120hrs this was after ice challenge lan when we were talking that our awpers statistics cannot be 0.83 and 0.73 impact rating via hltv. And maikel had 60 or something like that, then Martin counted the hours taking away the ones from our practise and maikel had totally around 2 hours of extra cs played in 2 weeks, and then we said that if he has been watching demos/dm:in like he said being doing alot, that it doesnt back up his hours, he then changed that he has been watching youtube csgo POVS and not demos suddenly. So this was dissapointing to hear that rather than being honest that you dont just play more or dont even wanna, just its fine then we work around that if its not possible for you to put up more work.
We were watching demos and moves for him, doing all this extra work to make him be impactful and have confidence, in the end all these talks all this stuff together wont mean anything if you can actually perform and put up the numbers, but for example road to rio where we played many bo3 games our awpers stats are closer to our IN GAME LEADERS than our 3 rifle players, its just not acceptable, overall from ourside no one has any hate or bad feeling towards him and me or anyone was not even talking about removing him until i was asked on thursday to come teamspeak and talk, i joined and i got told that "here is the thing, godsent is available to pick up a cph flames player farlig." and i said "okay, is he replacing me?" since this felt obvious to me to sit in a teamspeak with 3 persons and i thought in my head its like this, and i got told that its for maikel that we need to make decision about it in 24hours because of roster locks for tournaments and such and that they are buying him instantly and so everyone was asked to join and discuss pros and cons about this and then decided to take this opportunity and give it to farlig. Also lately we talked together as a team and we learned after a year that maikel has this "lele call" (he named it) that he can say totally wrong information whats happening in the round or where he is killing an opponent, i knew people sometimes called stuff wrong or didnt remember callouts it happens, but it went to the point that martin also had during official say maikel that "we are just stuttering on info when we need it the most to win round" when information was just mumbling or this wrong calls.
TLDR: We made a good top 20 with this lineup but we were not proggressing and created a playstyle around rifles and we needed more impactful awp player, constant trolling, can say anything but no one can say back to him, bad info, not putting up induvidual hours to become consistent or better, revenging stuff ingame, unfocus, and justified one year of bad statistics, almost double worse on lan and against better opposition.
This was from my point of view and also everything we talked together within the team and everything we tried to help him and us
And then to how i am, yes everyone in finnish/international scene knows even my partents and friends that when i play i tilt/rage, this happens when i tilt myself by doing stupid plays, or loosing a "easy" clutch, anything basicly can make me smack my desk or facepalm in a stream. This is not a something krystal f.e didnt know before since the time we used to play, ive been trying to ease this on me alot and be calm, its also my role ingame that im constantly updating players, micro managing and telling everyone what to do, where to go and so on. Im constantly doing so much within the game, coming up with ideas and timings and if i have a player in my team who is not focused, trolling, or sunday gaming just to chill in server, giving bad info or not even telling where opponent killed you or where they are going/how many, this for me is so unmotivating and its on me to letting me being affected by it, but if i see people who not willing to even give their full in pracc to create a playstyle we can rely on and be more consistent induvidually. This added to the point that i couldnt get the trust back after these ingame revenge and name calling shit, then adding my IRL stuff that person close to me is hurting herself, was just so much overall that our games in few months was so down, just negative and quiet we didnt even speak ingame even tho it was really needed. I know me, i know my problems and im trying to fix them as best as i can, and its totally on me to let other people affect to it, but it is what it is.