Response to @233xswl Helen's Lies and Victim Cosplaying

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Never thought I would have to do this when I'm still a tiny streamer, but as this keeps escalating, I believe it's important to be CLEAR and HONEST about everything that is being claimed against me. Staying silent only let's people stray further from the truth. I want to address the drama between "helenn (on twitch)" and myself, as well as the claims she has made.

I want to start off with saying that I am very notorious for being outspoken, even if it puts me in a bad light. I would much rather ' look bad ' for being honest about how I feel or what I think, than put up an image to maintain a fake innocence. I simply just don't agree in staying silent when something's wrong.

Here's the backstory:
A long time ago, this individual, her friend, and my bf got on a bad trip from edibles. This part is true. Yet she seems to be leaving out VERY important facts. This night, I gave him a call and a friend picks up the call. He start crying and whaling saying, my boyfriend was taken in an ambulance just now. He has no clue with hospital he's at, I can't even reach him directly because his phone was somehow left with them, and most importantly, he has NO IDEA if he's okay. That's the first thing I asked, was if he was okay. I wanted to know if he was alright, or if he was safe, and they couldn't even tell me that...because he also doesn't know.
Just imagine. Imagine calling to check on your loved one, and this is what you are told. All I knew at that moment, was that he was taken by ambulance. I was losing my mind, I was crying, and freaking out, calling every hospital in the city to find out where he is, and even then didn't find out til later. Since he was still being transported, and hadn't checked in yet, I couldn't even make my way to where he is until he actually arrives there.
When I stopped by his place to grab his phone, a roommate tells me that HELEN was for some reason in his bed, refusing to leave the house. I asked them BOTH to leave. If they are feeling THAT high or whatever she claims and 'unable to function', then they should also head to the hospital. I don't know how one second she's in the washroom, and the other second she's in his bed. Maybe they were feeling sick, but again, if it was as BAD as she claims, she should have went to get checked. Free healthcare here. My boyfriend claims that she was getting 'pissed' at the fact that he wanted to go to the hospital, getting angry over the 'fuss he's causing', and making fun of him. I wasn't there, so again, this is a *claim*, and I don't want to try and validate something I'm not sure of, but it wouldn't surprise me considering her reaction afterwards. (I'll get to that.)

Anyway, I make my way to the hospital, she or they are still in his bed after the male roommate has asked them to leave idk how many times. One second my bf whaling and yelling, the other he goes unconscious. I can't explain how much of a nervous wreck I was, because I was so worried about whether he'd be okay or not. They don't know what his 'friends' gave him. At this point, we don't know if it's just him greening out pretty hard, or if it's something else. Because it was a seriously frightful scene. Mind you, I have no fucking clue what they all took, I even asked through his phone and they (whichever of them) would just read it and not respond. So really, I don't have any peace of mind until he's fully conscious again. All is well, he's safe, thank God's good grace of a fucking earth that he's fine. Me and him talk about what happened a bit later, and we both agree he's fully responsible for what he takes, even if they claim it to be something it is not. That's his fault. And I hold him accountable for that.
HOWEVER, this is where my issue lies with Helen'. So after this situation, my boyfriend, himself, removes her off his social media. They we're never close to begin with, and he didn't like the fact that she was laughing at the state he was in, and kept trying to convince him to not go, despite it being for the sake of his health, saying he;s "fucking them over" by wanting to go, because she wanted to go on some crazy trip, and putting him down for just wanting to be safe. She was just a friend of his close friend, and there was no issue of her tagging along with their hangouts or playing video games together. But after that incident, he wanted nothing to do with her, as she was disrespectful to say the least, and couldn't care less about his well being or safety. He asked for my opinion on it, and I agreed. You shouldn't be friends with people that don't care for your well being, I mean it's quite simple. The difference between her and the other friend, is that he was TRULY remorseful. Idk how many time's he was trying to apologize to me and my boyfriend, while she'd just be laughing and bashing us for it. How do you laugh at someone going through a state of shock. Like when I say I was losing my mind, I truly was. Just as ANYONE would in this scenario. It's honestly fucking sickening that she makes light of it, and just proves she doesn't have much of a conscious I suppose.

A lot of common friends, or mutuals I have with her, claim that she's very self deprecating, and that's why she doesn't care too much for other people either. And so, it's hella justified as to why he doesn't want to associate with her. In order to smooth things over, they reconcile, as he doesn't want bad blood. The important thing is that everyone's safe right? No wrong in making up. However, while me and my boyfriend would hanging out, she would be sending snaps of her 'body' specifically her legs most of the time, to my boyfriend. No shoes. no caption. Just random pics like that. He wouldnt send her a "?" as a response, and she would just send another, and another at a different instance. He would be very confused, and ask me if it's normal that a girl he's not even close with is sending pictures of this kind. Of course I say no, and he blocks her. That's the end of that. She constantly claims it's 'me' but she really can't prove this. She also claims she sent him pictures of her 'shoes' which is a complete and utter lie. Idk, if a girl sends a dude her bare legs, no caption, no nothing, and would constantly send suggestive stuff like this, it's really odd. She claims I "don't want him to have female friends" but that's honestly a manipulative tactic a lot of girls do when they've done wrong to a relationship, and want to make the girlfriend look crazy. He has as much girl friends as guy friends, yet none of them have done what girl has done. He's free to associate himself with who he wants, and if he chooses to cut ties with her, I shouldn't be blamed for that just because she wants to attack my character.

Anyhow, after these events, she's been proven to be really inconsiderate of her friends, to a drastic extent,...couldn't care any less about their health, has no compassion towards their significant others no matter how dramatic the situation is, and is disrespectful to their relationships. I know this is a 'he said she said fact', but I've heard from friends that she's done this before to another girl, while being in a relationship herself. I never confronted her about any of this, I just let it go. I'm outspoken, but very passive and forgiving. If everyone's okay in the end that's what matters right?

FAST FORWARD TO NOW: While streaming, a lot of people would mention that there's this 'streamer' that would write a jab about me in her bio. I never cared to ask who, because I don't typically buy into this kind of petty drama. This could be a lie, I don't really know? But It happened quite often and was constantly be brought to my attention. I've also heard that since the incident, and very recently, she's constantly asking about me and my personal life, or going on to my socials and whatever. Sure, stalking is normal. Everyone does it! However, I've never met this girl, never interacted with her and it's really damn weird she's trying so hard to know personal things about me even after all this time. Who I've dated before, trying to get into my private insta, etc. It's really creepy. She herself even claimed to have asked about me in this so called vod she's very proud of. Idk what her obsession is, or her reasoning, since I've never interacted with her, but yeah.

Eventually, somebody links her stream, and I don't see any insults in the bio, but I do see that she made fun of my name claiming it's what she 'named her cat' and related that to being a stripper or whatever idk, she has a really weird sense of humour. I was told it was MUCH worse than what is posted up now, so I'm assuming it;s fixed up now so she doesn't look as bad. Anyway. Here's where I mess up. All of the feelings I felt a long time ago, every traumatizing emotion I experienced, during the whole incident a while ago, just rushes to me. It just literally rushes to me. I'm not trying to sound dramatic for the sake of it. It really was fucking dramatic. When you try to contact your loved one and you have no clue what the hell is going on, only that he's in the hospital, I think anyone would be irrational at that point. I let it all go, but seeing her thing again, and being told everything I was told throughout time, I just couldn't hold it in anymore... I reignited a drama, and insulted her. I'm TOTALLY accountable for that. 100% my fault, no matter what she did. Nothing I said was right, no matter what, and it shouldn't have been said. But I want to touch EVERY point because she's leaving out A LOT of what happened.

It starts off with me calling her a slut. (Yes, I shouldn't have). She then becomes confused, I'm guessing because she doesn't recognize me, since it's twitch and whatever. I bring up the situation, and I definitely escalated it by saying she attempted to hurt him. I don't think she's to blame for what he took, and I fully take back that comment, for sure. Anyway, it goes back and forth with the same stuff, she insults me back.

Here's where it starts to look bad for her: she mentions my weight. I've heard her talk about my 'weight' and other girls weight before many times, while stalking my socials. I didn't know being a size 2-4 was considered obese or unhealthy, but sure. What ever she wants. That's when I bring up that she does have an eating disorder, and I say something along the lines of, " lol this is coming from someone that's anorexic, weird. didn't know being a size 2 meant I was fat. eat a burger" .


#1: So, she makes fun of my weight as I mentioned, and actually encourages WITCH HUNTING to her viewers after someone asks to link my insta, and she says "yeah sure, I've seen it before, she's on the LARGER side". clip: https://streamable.com/5jsx5 "

I dont understand how she can make the following statement on her discord: "I would never make fun of someone's weight when I had eating troubles myself". When on MULTIPLE occasions in her Vod, she mentions my weight. Saying I'd kill someone if I "sat on them" I mean yeah haha, funny, but that contradicts what this 'innocent' person is claiming. Clips.Dont.Lie. I don't care how convincing you are trying to be, the footage speaks the truth. And saying you would rather starve yourself than be my 'weight' is promoting an eating disorder to me and your viewers btw. The ONLY reason I even mentioned anorexia, was because I found it very hypocritical that a person with this kind of mentality or disorder is going to comment on people's weight as some sort of argument. I never came for her appearance AT ALL, I wouldn't insult someone for that, it's wrong. I insulted her for her habits. I.E Like 'being a slut' -> the stuff she would send him. "trying to hurt him" -> the situation that happened. So we go back and forth, both saying fucked up things to each other.


#2: I brought up the fact that it's ironic she makes racist remarks towards Koreans, yet is heavily influenced by their style. Her response: "Wtf bro, why would I want to be Korean, Idk man I don't want my eyes to be chinkier." clip: https://streamable.com/ufwf9
Willingly calling yourself a chink, does not give you a pass to call other people chinks, especially of a different background than you. She's Chinese. Not Korean. And even if she was Korean, that's still not okay.


#3 She then says I'm 'ugly, like a potato not because I'm fat or anything, but because the color of my skin is kinda dark. CLIP : https://streamable.com/72wt3
I mean, I dont even think I need to comment on this.This girl was proud to say she openly makes racist comments all the time, so I think the intention is very clear. (see next point)


#4 SHE BLATANTLY ADMITS TO BEING RACIST AND PROMOTING HATE SPEECH. She says the following:
"I made racist comments about Koreans? Dude I fucking say racist stuff all the time, about every race haha. look at my emote (some black person or black face type imagery) , Chinese people are known to be racist. Twitch TOS doesn't care. They're all a bunch of white dudes that arent gonna ban a little asian girl"
CLIP: https://streamable.com/o6pi2

She also claims I'm associated with an account that was bashing her, when I've said plenty of times that I don't know who that is, and it's not from my end. It could have been someone listening in to the whole thing and just wanted to make things worse. I mean it went on for two hours, and that person claimed they know me and my significant other for "4 years" when we've been dating for three. ? Maybe someone saw that I was watching her from my activity and joined in to my defense, I really don't know. But I don't condone that. I also don't see any point in going on an "alt account" when I was already saying everything from my main. Doesn't really benefit me in any way. If i cared about saving face or an 'image' I would have made an alt and spoke from there from the very beginning. But I didn't, cuz I don't care for things like an "image", even as a streamer. I pride myself on being honest, even if it makes me look bad.

I have a lot more clips, and way more to go over but I've been writing so much and kind of want to get to the point. I think I made my points clear even with just these. She thinks linking her entire vod or a few screenshots helps, but no one is going scavenge and find every specific moment I'm referencing to. It's funny, because she deleted a lot of the clips I made, but luckily I saved them. Why delete them if you have nothing to hide?

I just want to repeat this, loud, and clear, what I wrote to her, about her being a slut, or the comment on her disorder, or the fact that she does this to me and others because of the lack of attention she gets from her parents, Is in no way shape or form okay. She's apologized to me, and I have as well, yet she continues to post things and lie in her discord. So to me, that's once again her doing this for attention perhaps? I don't know. I've offered to chat with her many times, but she would rather keep posting stuff or messaging mutual friends about this, and then saying "oh, why is this escalating!" It's really petty, and this didn't even have to get this far. I ignored it for a bit, yet I can no longer allow this person to make me out to be someone I'm not, and portraying herself to be this innocent being when she's done much wrong. Cut the bullshit please.

Please, PLEASE stop painting people to be innocent when they are not. As much as I should be held accountable for the things I said, she should ALSO be held accountable for the hate speech, racist remarks, insults she said, and the pained she caused me. It goes both ways. I shouldn't have taken matters into my own hands, and shouldnt have flamed someone over something that happened a while ago. But this DOESN'T excuse what she has done and said. Not in the slightest.
So please, don't fall for victim cosplaying. Crying doesn't make you innocent. Just like sitting on a throne doesn't make someone a king. I refuse to believe people can be this daft to fall into this kind of stuff. There's truth to things, and more than what you see. I'm not a manipulative person. I wish I could just fucking cry to get people to believe me and feel sorry for me.
Id rather say the truth, admit what I did right and wrong, and go to bed in peace with my conscious clear, rather than lie so damn much and cosplay as an innocent person to maintain a fake image. Take responsibility for what you do. It's that simple. Not to overshare ( I mean too late) but damn like, I'm someone that's been beat the fuck up when I was younger, by people in my neighborhood, my hair chopped off at school, and just abused so damn much for a long ass time. And I always took it. I never raised a hand against anyone. I never retaliated. I never said anything back. I didn't want to do harm onto others, that was just how I wanted to live. even if they did it to me. This isn't to gather sympathy, I'm trying to explain, Its just not in my nature to retaliate. But when it's your loved ones guys......, it's just different. Seeing my boyfriend and the state he was in, to know someone is just making jokes about it, and all the other stuff she's done, just makes my skin crawl. Sure she apologized here and there, but then laughs and takes it back. After her stream, she messaged me and was genuinely sorry, and so was I for what I said, and we moved on. But yet the next day, she still had her friends, including herself, post shit on twitter and discord and promote lies. I never thought id have to write something like this, as the tiny streamer I am, and it's embarrassing to put out drama like this, but I can't stay silent anymore.

I'm no longer commenting on this, I spent over an hour writing everything, the size of a novel. So yeah here are my two cents. ty for reading.

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