Michael Fagan · @InsomHS
13th Dec 2019 from TwitLonger
Why I'm phasing back my involvement with competitive HS
Hey everyone, Insom here. I've made the difficult but necessary decision to phase back my involvement with competitive Hearthstone, and I want to explain why.
When I left my law firm at the end of 2017, I was brimming with confidence after my Top 4 finish at Dreamhack Montreal, and I was sitting on a sizable nest egg of savings. The 2018 HCT system had just been announced, and I wanted nothing more than to go all-in and see how far I could get. I knew it would be a weird thing for a guy in his mid-30s to do, but I'd never had the opportunity to compete at that level before. I also wanted the opportunity to travel, since before Montreal I hadn't left the country since I was a little kid. Furthermore, I was feeling dissatisfied with my legal career and was longing for a change of pace.
At the beginning of 2018, I was just focused on traveling to events, grinding ladder, and having a good time. A number of players who wanted to compete in the HCT team standings program suggested that I start a team, and eventually I decided to do so along with my business partner (and good friend) @Joshua_Gutman. We knew it would be a risky investment, but we both had a dream of creating a viable Hearthstone team through recruiting and supporting undervalued talent, and we were also very careful with our spending. We started Team Run N Gun, recruited a 3-man roster, hired a social media manager (the amazing @shadowmisstep, now with G2), and gave it our best shot. After disappointing results in Season 2, we revamped the roster and incredibly managed a Top 10 finish in Season 3. Throughout the two seasons, we kept all our promises to our players, and I'm proud that Josh and I remain on good terms with many of the players formerly on our team's roster. In the meantime, I continued traveling and competing as a player, with middling results. In retrospect, I should have spent less time on that and more time promoting the team and trying to attract sponsors.
But then, the rug was pulled out from under us. @HSesports cancelled HCT and the team standings program, and did it without communicating with us (or many other teams) at all. With virtually no notice, all the effort we put into building a team brand went up in smoke. We soon found out that HCT would be replaced with the Grandmasters system, which rewarded a top tier of pre-selected players while making it nearly impossible for all the other players, including myself and many of my friends, to break into. At the same time, I received some upsetting personal news (which I won't get into here). All these events combined caused me to sink into a depression that I am still struggling with.
By the end of 2018, I had already blown through over half of my savings because of all the traveling and my investment in the team. Angry at my life situation and at the state of competitive HS, I became increasingly active on Twitter, delivering caustic criticisms of @HSesports and the people supporting the exclusionary Grandmasters system. A surprising number of people encouraged me to keep going with the tweets, and before I knew it I was the most prominent online critic of Hearthstone esports. Throughout my year of tweeting in 2019, I enjoyed the attention and what I perceived to be small improvements made to HSesports in response to my criticisms--but of course, attention doesn't pay the bills. I also crossed lines a few times and said some things I regret, particularly a few tweets directed at specific HSesports staffers, casters, and players. I stand by my legitimate criticisms of the system and people's job performances, but I'm truly sorry to anyone whose feelings I may have hurt along the way. I am an adult, and I should be above that.
Eventually, the Masters Tours for the year were announced, and I was determined to qualify for Vegas, partially as a sort of f***-you to Blizzard, but also because I hadn't yet given up on my dream of playing on the pro level. Amazingly, after a few weeks of cups, I qualified! So I showed up to Vegas ... and went 0-4. Whoops! I was resigned to not competing again for a while, but then I managed to qualify for Seoul at the last minute. This was my second chance to show what I could do! So I flew all the way to Seoul, competed ... and went 1-4. Whoops again! I then failed to qualify for Bucharest, ending (I thought) my playing career for the year. I announced that my solo legal practice was open for business and started making plans to attract clients in the esports space.
But then HSesports threw me a curveball, announcing a Masters Tour in my own home area. How could I not at least try to qualify for that one? So I entered qualifiers again, and incredibly I qualified in just a few days! Maybe I still had a future as a player after all, I thought to myself. I For the remainder of the two-month qualification period, I made nominal efforts to grow my legal practice but was still focused on HSesports in my heart. I kept livetweeting the Americas Grandmasters broadcast (much to the chagrin of the casters and production staff), endured the crazy drama of the Blitzchung controversy, and made my first-ever trip to BlizzCon (which was a lot of fun, though not cheap).
So now here we are. Open cups have started for a Masters Tour in Indonesia, and part of me still wants to qualify, travel, and compete. At the same time, I am down to my last few months' savings and have no steady income. In the past couple of weeks, due largely to financial stress, my anxiety levels have spiked to an unhealthy degree, and as a 38-year-old man with no job, I am honestly terrified about my future. Under the current circumstances, I don't think it is healthy for me to spend time and mental energy trying to qualify for MT Indonesia. I will still attend Arlington and do my best to win it all, but my focus right now needs to be on getting my life together and sustaining myself.
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read through all this. I still plan on posting my ideas for improving Grandmasters, but as I mentioned, I need to focus on self-care right now. If anyone has questions, I'm happy to answer those in the comments.