My future in OW

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Don't really know how to start this so lets just jump in. I think its best i move on from focusing 100% of my time and energy into OW. I pursued OWL for 3 years of my life and did a ton of work to win contenders and prove i was up to par in OWL, this off season really let me down in terms of chances i had to tryout for teams and show im still able to compete at that level, almost all of my ex teammates for FUNI are currently signed for OWL teams and it feels like shit being the odd-one out of that bunch especially after winning 3 seasons of contenders without dropping a map.

the 2019 season disappointed me massively, i was benched early on without a path to playtime and was told to kinda just sit and wait which i found really hard to deal with, it wasn't things pointed out in my play to improve on just a "we think neptunos better" and i think neptuno prolly was/is better but that shouldn't stop coaches from giving me feedback/scrim time and helping me improve as a player along the way

i got given the chance to go back and play with FUNI in korea and i thought i'd be better then sitting and getting rusty in the owl team
i had maybe 2-3 scrims before FUNI had to start trials and definitely was rusty going in but a lot of the team had changed as well, and that makes sense right? like you help build something and leave it for a year when you come back it will be different that just makes sense but it was still kinda shocking to me idk. i didn't feel like that team environment was helping me improve either feeling like teammates thought i was the reason we were losing or getting upset with me in scrims, being unable to explain easily why i was thinking in a way given language barriers ect.
i asked to leave the team cause i thought it was better for everyone and i could focus on improving on my own. everyone kinda agreed and i left Korea.

as the off season continued i tried my ass of in comp and reviewed a shitload of gameplay from OWL and different contenders regions to help bring myself up to speed in the sigma/orisa meta hoping that i could still impress and perform in OWL tryouts, although now its the end of the off season and the only tryout i got was a single block that felt/was more of a favor then a real tryout, given it was so late in their trial process felt more like i was filling in for the second main support rather then actually getting a shot.

i finished season 18 on NA as the highest rated support player who is LFT, i have more LAN experience then most main supports who are in T2, i have helped lead teams to championships multiple times, but in the end it doesn't really matter. whats important isn't really your whole carrier its what you did the last 2-3 teams, and for me thats being benched without playtime in OWL and then a meh performance in KR contenders.

and i think I've kinda moved on from being upset and sad, I'm ready to change my focus to school and still pursue Overwatch in my spare time while i can, I'm taking steps to make sure i can apply where i want and get in, and I'm making steps to be sure i can play in the upcoming contenders season in NA because OW is my passion and remaking OWL is still my goal.
i appreciate all of the support from fans and especially my twitch/discord community that are super supportive and hangout in the streams when I'm lonely/streaming at 4am, I'm thankful for all of the coaching I've received from so many different amazing coaches, and i hope all my ex-teammates and friends in OWL can have great seasons and stay in OWL for many years
sorry for this being long and convoluted I'm fucking awful at writing how i feel and I'm especially emotional writing this so if you made it this far, thanks for reading, and ill get better and be in OWL 2021

TO BE CLEAR I AM NOT RETIRING just trying to change the main focus of my life given im 20 and it doesnt seem like OWL 2020 is going to happen for me

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