(CEO) BG | Lost1ntime · @TheLost1ntime
22nd Oct 2019 from TwitLonger
current state of me i guess
Well i think it's only fair to write this. Please don't feel obligated to read this i just felt it was an ok thing for me to do.
I'm not sure where my head space currently is with my life. I feel like i have to force myself to be happy around people and it truly does take a lot out of me. I know " i don't owe it to anyone " but i don't want anyone to worry. Me hiding it is affecting me even more than i could've ever imagined i hate it.
This problem is making me not even realize what's real and what isn't. I swear whenever I'm around people at xanadu i feel happy but then somewhere in my head i convince myself it's fake. I've had a lot of people say stuff about me and i mean i guess i agree i am a very ignorant player with no true status to my name so i should keep my opinions to myself.
I've been sleeping maybe 3 hours a night even when i have to work 11 hour shifts i just can't seem to keep my head quiet enough for me tk just rest.
I feel horrible for lying to the people close to me when i tell them I'm okay because I'm not and i know I'm not.
I feel like I've taken such a step back from everything i wanted to do and I'm just letting more people down. I haven't been keeping up with the promises i made to myself and to certain other people and I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what's causing me to have such negative thoughts but i guess i should find help sooner rather than later and that's one step i am taking. In the beginning of november i will start seeing someone to speak with to help identify what i can't because i do not want to hurt anymore.
I just feel so alone and i know I'm not, so why do i ya know..
please don't be alarmed or feel like you have to message me or talk with me in person It's okay. Everyone is busy and on there own schedule. if you did read this thank you for spending just a couple minutes of your time on me and i apologize i can't return it so i hope you can forgive me.