I'll be addressing:
-tweets on my private
-accusation of violence at party
You have all probably seen glimpses of my private Twitter at this point, you can see the harmful thoughts I've expressed. There aren't excuses to those things, for that I'm truly sorry.
Those two screenshots tweeted by Lima: it is in reference to the Ally and Zack
situation. My first tweet was in reference, to a member of the Conduct Panel .
I went out of my way to say the most hurtful things under the assumption of privacy,
because it was my method of dealing with my feelings at the time.
I'm sorry for my harsh comments and there's no excuse. I had thought that my private would
remain so, and I rationalized that there was nothing wrong with keeping a
journal of my feelings. It was my means of vent, and as long as I didn't bring
it outside of what I perceived to be a private "diary", it wouldn't be a problem.
I was a fool to leave it open and to think that having 0 followers meant that there were 0 eyes on me. If I even had the right to justify it, which I don't.. I was irrationally upset that the CoC, as a professional conduct panel, did not give Ally an opportunity to present his evidence.
I'm not misogynistic, I understand the weight of my words, and I said that solely because I knew it would be the most demeaning thing to say.
I said some fuck shit, but I didn't expect people to dig this up or use this as evidence
against me. This was an assumed private account. It looks bad, but everyone has
their own methods of coping and venting. I'm of sound mind and I'm not going to hurt
anyone. Whenever I refer to "killing" someone, it's metaphorical. Not literally
going to get a gun and shoot them.
"Please give me the strength to kill them today." ( promise you this was in reference
to my bracket at Frostbite. It was even posted the day prior to the event.
It was my first time entering in over a year of my competing career and I largely struggled with mentality issues of truly wanting to win. Perhaps I wanted to coerce myself into such a mentality.) This goes for every other instance related to 'killing'. I'm never talking about
actually hurting people at all. It's more so the sentiment of overcoming and
using dramatic language, but it's not meant to be actually threatening.
Again, I posted this shit to get this off my chest and to be done with it. I didn't
expect anyone to dig this up. I said messed up things.
As you can see, I've made my private not so anymore. I deleted those harmful tweets two days ago, but because my private was made to be on lock recently, no one including myself is able to prove that I deleted those tweets of my own accord and not as a result of this event.
Whether that outlet be open to scrutiny or shade, I was not aware this would happen.
I never expressed any sentiment related to this on my main platforms
because it does not represent me outside of my worst moments. I feel as humans
we all deal with this struggle in some form, so I ask you to please empathize with that.
I truly do not wish to physically kill people.
About the accusation at the party:
There was pre-existing drama between myself and this individual. I had already expressed
to my roommates that I did not want this person to come over because of prior incidents.
He was invited over to the house party my roommate was throwing.
I had chosen not to participate in the party. I was sober, in my room. I came outside
to find Trey talking to someone. Pertaining to what they talking about, I then made a rude Smash related comment. It was petty, but it wasn't violent or aggressive. I can understand how that would upset at him in this instance, but he escalated it to another level.
Voices would rise and eventually it was a screaming match. We were outside with a
third party witness, and once voices couldn't go any higher, we literally stepped at each other
fast at the same time from a very close distance, and butted faces unintentionally. It was sloppy and aggressive, but it wasn't violent. There was no intention of hurting one another, and it was never going to become a fight. No one swung this entire altercation, including a headbutt or anything of the sort. I couldn't have swung or reacted in time for how close we were to one another.
If I had even tried to come at him with an actual headbutt from that distance, it would
have been way messier.
It wasn't an attack.
We stepped at each other aggressively from a close distance, and collided.
No limbs were raised, and I couldn't have prepared for a headbutt
in that time. There was a third party witness here (my roommate and his friend)
that was literally right next to us who gave the same testimony to the police.
It wasn't even self defense either, from either of us. It was obvious
that it wasn't going to be a fight or violent. Once again, it was aggresive yeah.
It was a screaming match in each other's faces, but at no point was there any implication
that anyone would try to hit one another.
He kept saying "You chipped my tooth", but even in that moment he wouldn't say that
I attacked him. He just kept repeating that phrase.
IMO if he felt like he actually got attacked, he would have went through with
bringing the police in the moment. He called the cops the NEXT morning.
If multiple police come over, talk to all parties involved, and didn't do anything.. Then
how was this assault. The police didn't ask him to press charges.
They asked ME if they wanted him ejected from the premises.
In my opinion, if he was really hurt and felt that he had been assaulted, he would've called the cops then, or at least felt more of an urgency to do it. Instead, he waited until the next morning
to do so, and continued to stay at the house for a few days.
In short, I know this is a blow up day. I vented pretty OD on my assumed private,
but I didn't intend anyone to see that. It wasn't a cry for attention, I
thought no one would see this. I promise you I'm not unstable.
Not proud of the tense moments between us, but I didn't assault him. Anything
that happened to his tooth was a result of an accident.. Due to the clumsiness
on both of our parts.
Appreciate the read.