chey · @FiZZIP0P

10th Jun 2019 from TwitLonger

Why I havent been posting and Whats been going on

Hello, this is FiZZIP0P or as some of you know me as, chey. I need to talk about some serious topics today and I ask you to read the entire thing.

I had recently been hearing some comments from mutuals/friends that Slazo has/had been acting strange and had made some people uncomfortable - and I needed to speak out. I have been silent about this, for almost 3 years now after a lot of consideration, and talking to my closest friends along with considering police involvement I have decided to come out.

Slazo, who I will be referring to as Michael, and I were in a relationship from 2016-2017 but had continued to talk into 2018 in a provocative way. Michael during our relationship, was abusive both verbally and sexually.

During our time together, Michael was incredibly demanding of sexual favours and would often guilt or force me into situations to which I was not comfortable. if I was to try and deny, or argue against him he would become aggressive.

Michael would often yell or become upset when I refused or said I was not in the mood. To this, the only way to calm him was for me to send him images, or undress on camera, we lived 3 hours away from each other by train, so most of the time it was our only contact.

However, Michael and I had met multiple times, Mike is 2 years my senior and at the time I was 14-15 while he was 16-17. I had expressed to Michael that, I would rather wait until I was 16 to have sex; which in the end never happened. Michael on our first date, touched me in a cinema despite me never kissing someone before. I assumed this was normal, although I was uncomfortable by it, and let it happen. Our second date was much of the same, him asking me for a blowjob and trying to undo my bra in a public park, again I was uncomfortable. There were many times that I would say no, or even cry, and I was never taken seriously, and he would move my hands to touch himself while I cried, or touch me. He would also not visit if I was on my period.

Even so, everytime that something bad would happen, and I would cry or say that I wanted to break up - he begged me to stay, that he would do better and that he loved me. And I believed him. His behaviour afterwards, continuously got worse though, he denied me access to friends, getting mad if I talked or wanted to go out with them, and also controlled my art and if I drew something he did not like, he would get mad and I would take it down, not wanting to deal with an outburst.

Michael controlled almost every aspect of my life, and I was reduced to thinking I was nothing more than a sex object. I, at that stage attempted to take my own life during that relationship. I am on antidepressant medication, and have been for almost 4 years, the amount of stress built up and I ended up in the hospital, I was sent home soon after, lying to the doctors and my family that I had woken in the middle of the night after a panic attack and taken too many by accident.

Michael though, after all was said and done, after I was out of the hospital and back in therapy; asked if I really needed my medication because it lowered my sex drive. Now thinking back on it, I feel stupid for being so forgiving and naive and not telling anyone. But I was scared that if I told someone I would ruin Michael's life.

This was my first relationship, and my first example of what I was to believe a relationship to be. I lost a lot of friends, opportunities and time because of what happened, and I don't want this to happen to someone else. I believe people can change and heavily tried to believe and have benefit of the doubt for a long time regarding him and his actions but the recent actions and informations I have heard about I can no longer overlook

The following link provides the screenshots of the chats we would have during / after our relationship

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