competing at pound

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hey, thought i'd give you guys an update to those who care.
I've been feeling extremely tired and exhausted the last week or so, which you probably noticed if youve met in me in person or seen me on stream.
It's a combination of streaming a ton while also traveling and competing, while not taking barely any days off at all, and straight up being very jetlagged & unable to sleep properly for 2 weeks now (even before I traveled, but it got worse when I started).

I always try to work hard and play my best, but I feel like after streaming took a bigger role I haven't managed to balance my work properly and its been taking its toll on me. I struggle to take competitions seriously because I'm so tired and due to not being able to practice like I usually do. I know far too many people who've overworked themselves and when I try to think objectively about what I'm doing and how I'm feeling I realize that I'm doing exactly that.

I want to compete though. I'm an ultra competitive person who hates losing and I know I can be the best, so a part of me wants to stay up all night and practice melee so I can make it through pools and then try to take the event. Especially since I really fucking miss playing Melee and I feel like I've been letting the entire scene down by not competing much since Ultimate came out.
But I can't. I can't risk burning myself out and harming my health long term even though I want to. So I'm gonna call it now when before I change my mind and do something stupid.
I'm not entering Melee at pound. I'm really, really sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you guys eventually, and I'll make sure to get some practice in if I can. I'm gonna put almost all my effort into practicing Melee from this point so I promise you I am not leaving this game for Ultimate at all.

As for Ultimate, I will see how I feel after tomorrow, since I don't play until early Saturday. If I can sleep well tonight and tomorrow I might play, even though I just feel like playing Joker atm and I've honestly lost a lot of my motivation for competing after 3.0 didn't fix anything I wanted and living in Sweden and playing 2 games without a great local scene is very rough. I'm sure my drive will return eventually, but right now I feel like I need to focus on trying to manage streaming and competing in melee.
But I might play ultimate or squadstrike anyway just to feel like I'm at least doing something.

I know people will be disappointed reading this and trust me, I feel like a lazy failure writing this and I'm sure the internet is going to call me a coward and that I'm just scared and johning or whatever. But I'll have to endure it and swallow my pride so I can get some fucking rest.

Hope you guys understand.

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