Hatred doesn't have a place here, standing up when things are wrong:
When it comes to meeting new folks across the world, there's a great element of mystery about the people you decide to form bonds with. Each week you spend together you'll learn new things world cultures, different beliefs, and alternative view points on things you might even take for granted. The internet can connect you to just about anyone with a plug in the wall, however there are some things you'll run into that you don't expect.
Firstly I want to say that I write this more for myself as I ran into a situation where my initial response was entirely in the wrong. Regardless of how many people applauded my stand against hate, I still delayed far longer then I ever should. The hesitation to do the right thing, question further, and ultimately uncover there are things that my moral code couldn't stand for. Who would have thought that gaming, esports, and competing would cause me so much strife yet again.
I played with a racist homophobe who became the captain for Team BOORK.
The truth is you don't really know someone till you finally know them. Even when you've started bonding beyond just being teammates, there are things you wont learn until the moment you stumble upon them. It happened to me and it happened to my teammates. When it comes down to it, there are only so many choices a person can make. Even after all these years being around I manage to stumble too.
I found out on 3/9/19 I did nothing publicly until 3/19/19.
Ten days I struggled to reach the right answer for myself and to be honest what the community thinks about me has and will still be secondary to how I see myself. We had tryouts, we had substitutions, and spent nights chatting about the kind of roaster changes we desired. I called Alternit, I texted Rude, and I struggled in a strange emotional state while practicing for the PML.
When you've already spent months bonding and are suddenly thrown a curve of hatred and homophobia what is the proper reaction? If you've seen the logs you've seen my responses, I tried to confront it and I wanted to help solve it. I'm an optimist who wants to change people for the better, but sometimes that isn't always enough.
I've just tried for the past hour writing to recount how it got to this position, to give every person an angle and story. I ended up deleting all of it because I'm not writing the story of BOORK, I'm detailing why I'm no longer ok the team's leader.Today I was shown other logs other then the ones posted by Pryris of the current captain Lumzee, and if I had seen these before I never would have joined.
Insulting my former teammates that I still hold respect for broke me. Especially when it's presented in hateful rhetoric, especially when it's ontop of already insulting the next generation who are now looking up to him, and especially when I barely stomached it the first time. I wont post the logs, I wont post what the other teammates have shown to me, and wont share much else other then my own viewpoint.
I will say one thing though, that if anyone has doubted how much I've valued each and every teammate over the years. I put them on the same plateau as my extended family. Sure we've had fights, went separate ways, and even had BM tensions boiling around during the PPL/PML transitions. All that said nobody will ever call my former teammate, Dethroner a "stupid nigger." I considered censuring this for the last couple hours, but I think it's important to realize how much rage I feel at those words.
I messed up staying silent the first time, I compromised my beliefs to try to help someone evolve. To take the road of a mentor of goodness, but if I had known your hatred has this much depth I never would have embarked on this journey. If Toeh had the courage to tell me these things before I joined, this team never would have existed. Maybe I could have broken through to you about help you evolve, but there wouldn't Kresnik, there wouldn't be BOORK, and it'd be a revolving door of ungrowing teammates. Whatever squad you did take from there would have sailed to a slow irrelevance.
You will not be apart of the professional scene as long as I'm around Paladins, until you issue a formal apology for the insanity you've spewed. Realizing how talking shit to any of our multi-cultural, sexuality oriented, gender fluid cohorts is wrong. Being in the PML isn't important to me as a person anymore, but keeping you out of it until those terms are met is.