Update: I'm Leaving YT and Fixing Myself
I have alot to clear before I leave this account behind and move on with my life. But first things first I'm not leaving because of my lies and because of the backlash I'm getting (which is rightfully deserved), but because I wanna fix myself as a person. So after much talk to some of my friends and my family members I've decided to leave YT and social media altogether. You can say I'm running away from the problem, but I'm not. It's obvious no matter what I do people are going to be after me for this forever. That's just nature of the internet, it's mob mentality people don't look at rationality instead, they look towards their emotions and react accordingly. In my apology video, I mentioned I would take full responsibility for my actions. I lied to everyone and I shouldn't have. Yet I'm not ashamed of myself, instead, I'm ashamed of my actions. That's what people should see instead of blaming the person, they should blame the person's actions and give them the tools necessary to fix themselves like one of my friends is doing for me. To quote Jordan Peterson "If you can't understand why someone is doing something, look at the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be, and then infer the motivations from their consequences. For example, if someone is making everyone around them miserable and you'd like to know why their motive may simply be to make everyone around them miserable including themselves."
That's precisely the case here I wanted people to feel miserable for me because of the fact I feel miserable about myself. I've had chances to fix my life and do what was right for me and my mother, yet I never did, because I wanted everyone else to fix it for me. I relied so much on Youtube, I had been on here for 10 years and never got anywhere. I worked hard on each video putting most of my time into it, cause I honestly believed it would take me somewhere and get me out of this mess that I'm in. What truly brought me to lie was like I said in the video stupidity and selfishness. I lied to not only Mr. Dapperton, but I lied to everyone, and that's going to be something to follow me forever, yet I'm going to take steps to fix myself. So that I can be happy and live the life that I deserve and not feel miserable every waking moment. That's why I'm leaving YT and leaving social media, because I know I have the opportunity to better myself and that's step one. These next step all depend on me, and it's going to take time. Whether you believe, trust, or forgive me, that's not important. I'm not trying to earn any of that rather all I care about is fixing myself and being a better person in real life. Cause I know this is not the end for me, but the beginning of something new. I'll just let my actions speak for themselves.