How I've been feeling about content creation lately

Hello everybody, recently I've been feeling really sad and out of my usual positive self and with it being harder to contain my emotions about certain things, I decided to just be up front and honest. Ever since I got off of school for the summer, I've been focusing on nothing but content creation non stop. I've been putting so much more time into my stream and into my youtube channel because I genuinely enjoy making content, and it makes me the happiest person alive to see people enjoy what I do. I had to sacrifice a few things in order to commit so much time to it, but I know I'll never regret doing so just so I can entertain people in the best way I know how. The problem I've been having for the past month though is me being unhappy with what I have to show for all the time I put into it. I started taking streaming seriously a year ago and youtube just a few months ago and I honestly expected to see myself gain a bigger audience in that time. As of right now though, I just feel like a failure. It's my fault that my content performs so badly and that I should be ashamed of myself for ever thinking I'll ever succeed with something like making youtube videos and streaming. I try many different things to improve my content, but I always feel stuck and that I'm doing something wrong.

My videos rarely receive any views despite how much effort I put into them and my weekly upload rate and my streams barely garner any viewers despite how active I am and how often I do so. In the end though, if I ever do give up, I'll forever be thankful for the people who've stuck by me, even if they could only briefly do so. That is my biggest fear though; giving up. I always want to have fun above all else, or else I know that whatever it is I'm doing (recording, editing, streaming, etc.) will seem fake and not the real me; thus not enjoyable to watch. I don't care about money or statistics, I just want to make people laugh and feel happy. That's why I love to stream and make videos, to see people want to interact with me, play games with me and say nice things about my videos or about me personally. There honestly isn't a better feeling that can rival that of seeing someone say how much they like your content and that they're excited to watch more of it. I also try to be as diverse as I can, trying to branch off to different stuff besides smash, but I'm always afraid to do so since no one wants to see that, which is completely understandable. Maybe if I grow a bigger and better community in the future, then I'll feel fully confident in trying new things.

It hurts to type most of this out in all honesty, but it hurts even more to hold it how I've been feeling anymore. I hope that with me saying all of this and being honest with you guys that I'll be able to provide the more positive and uplifting atmosphere I've wanted to set since day one. I hope to grow more as a creator and as a person as time goes on and that I'm able to stop thinking so badly about myself. I want to provide more laughs and good vibes no matter what happens, but it still hurts to see how unsuccessful I am in doing so.

Thank you all very much for reading this, I just really needed to get this off of my chest. As I said previously, I will strive to be the best youtuber, streamer, and person that I can be. I will always try my hardest and put forth 110% into what I love doing, and I know that one day I'll stop thinking so badly about myself, I just know it. As for today I really think it's in my best interest just to relax and keep a level head about this stuff. I'll go back to my usual routine tomorrow so I please don't worry about me. I'll be back to my old self shortly, but in order to do that I need a day just to calm down.

I would be nothing without the people who've stuck by me up to this point and even if I never feel accomplished, that'll just make me learn to appreciate my current audience even more. Without all of this, I'd still be the shy, unhappy person I was so long ago. Have a great day everyone, and thanks again for reading <3

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