Naomi · @NaomiOop
15th Jun 2017 from TwitLonger
Why I'll be away for 10 days?!?!
First off, thank you for opening this! It means a lot that you care enough to check up on me :)
Secondly, I know there are plenty of people who would laugh at this, would say that I have it easy compared to other people. That is true. However, I am not trying to compare my troubles to anyone else's. This is personal. Everyone's own problems are their own biggest problems. When you're in a good place mentally, emotionally, and physically, that is when you are in a good place to help others. I need to get back to that place.
SO! A little bit of word salad for ya. For the last four years, I have had a mess of school, work, and streaming on my mind. Since I started streaming, my "vacations" have consisted of gaming conventions for stream, recovering from eye surgery, recovering from numerous flus, intensely finishing a history course, and visiting people and doing stream related stuff together.
My weekends, whether they're one day or three, are always filled with planning, shopping, designing, or otherwise preparing for future streams. I was always worrying about other people more than myself. With everything else that was going on in my life, I had gotten extremely used to feeling frantic and working or otherwise occupying myself until I drop.
Now, I am at a point in my life where I have lifted a lot of weight off of my shoulders. I can relax into a schedule of streaming, planning, and then doing whatever I'd like to do. Improving myself, getting a drivers license, getting fit.
In the last three weeks I've noticed that I am more frantic now than I was when I had all of those things to do. I take the smallest task and dive into it with everything I have, staying up late and ruining my sleeping schedule. I'm procrastinating on all of the things that I didn't have time for before, even though I have time for them now. I am still in the mindset of all of my responsibilities weighing me down and having to dig through them each day.
SO I NEED A VACATION. A real one. Not a day off from stream to work on stream stuff. Not a convention to network with streamers and businesses. I haven't gone skiing or camping in over two years, and it's about damn time!!
I'm going to the lovely Okanagan Valley with my mom and her boyfriend. It'll be ten days of relaxing in the sun, swimming in lakes, eating fresh fruits I pick myself, biking through forest and desert, and not having a care in the world. I will be taking pictures and posting on Twitter/Instagram every now and then, but this is a vacation to entirely reset.
My goal is to get back into the state of mind where my goals of streaming, making others happy, and being healthy are in the front of my mind. To throw off that nagging feeling of "I have to do this I have to do this I have to do this" with every meaningless task I take up. I want to come back refreshed and ready to tackle the whole damn world. I want to catch up on my sleep and sunshine and return to the balanced state of mind that works better than any drug or stimulant ever could. I have been catching fleeting hours of that feeling every now and then, but I know it's something that can be maintained.
When I come back, I will be back to a solid schedule. A regular daily start time, streams 5-6 days a week, a few new games and a few old. If we reach the special goal during Saturday's subathon, we will be doing 4 weeks straight of streams ;D (Just btw, that wouldn't be counterproductive, so don't worry! I am always motivated to stream and it gives me energy. I just need to be back in a HEALTHY motivated state of mind, as I am currently in an UNHEALTHY motivated one.)
You guys have supported me through thick and thin over the last >two years, and I am forever grateful. I can only hope that I have given you all enough, because I have given my heart and my everything to my stream and what I do. I couldn't be happier. A billion thank-you's and hugs are not enough. Whenever someone tells me that I made their day, or improved it... Whenever someone tells me that I made them smile... Whenever someone thanks me for something I said or did, or for a stream... That is my purpose in life. That is what keeps me going. Thank you for allowing me to positively impact your life. Thank you for enabling me to be strong for others when they cannot, to find happiness for them when they cannot, and to entertain when life seems pretty bleak. Thank you so much for welcoming me into your daily life, and for becoming a part of mine. I have no words for how much I adore our community. We're going to be kicking ass together well into my granny days, so if you thought you were about to get rid of me, think again!! I ain't leavin', ever. I fucking love you guys <3
Butts,
Namoi
PS. I wanted to add... No matter what you are going through, if something is weighing down on you, holding you back, or troubling you, it is not nothing. It is never nothing. Never compare your problems to other people's. Regardless of what others are going through, they can never know exactly how you feel, or understand exactly what you're going through. Do what you can to improve your situation. Reach out to the people you want to reach out to. You are loved.