corey · @ExciIed
26th May 2017 from TwitLonger
the post you've been waiting for, with answers you probably aren't expecting.
sexuality: the post you've been waiting for, with answer's you probably aren't expecting.
I’m not good at writing formally, so i’ll just say what i need to. This is gonna be pretty long, so if you want a TL;DR, there will be one at the bottom, but i’m putting a good amount of effort into writing this, so maybe take a read. Also, I didn’t mean to post this the day finals end, but I guess that’s just how life happens.
So, sexuality has always been a weird topic for me, since it’s not something i ever took seriously. I just got called gay a lot because of my feminine tendencies. i guess that’s not really my fault; growing up with 3 women without a dad, having almost only female friends, my closest guy friend being a gay guy, all i really know is femininity. It doesn’t bother me, though. Things like that never really got to me, either that or i’m just numb to it now. Either way, it was never something i cared about. It doesn’t matter to me. I just assumed i was straight because i’m not attracted to guys.
One thing that does bother me, is relationships. I’ve always struggled in relationships, whether they were platonic or romantic, more on the romantic side though. I have a tough time articulating emotion, so it’s hard to feel “love” for another person. Like my last relationship, it was all my fault. She put so much effort into the relationship to the point where it just became one sided.
And if you’re reading this, i’m sorry. It’s not your fault that we broke up. You deserve much better than what I gave to you.
So what am I then? Well, aromantic pansexual.
“An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.”
An aromantic person is someone who doesn’t feel romantic attraction to people. I relate to that. A lot. I don’t feel romantic bonds with other people. I can’t. I still feel lonely because I know that i can’t comprehend love, but it’s better for both sides; I’m not hurting anyone in a relationship, and I’m not forcing myself into relationships just to say I have one.
“Well, that’s the same as being asexual, why don’t you just identify as ace?” I hear you saying. Well, they are alike in some aspects, but the most significant difference between ace and aro is, Asexuals lack the need/want for sexual relationships, but some will still want romantic relationships, whereas aromantic is backwards; they lack the need/want for romantic relationships, but some will still want sexual relationships. I don’t want to just outright say “I don’t want relationships, but don’t mind sex!”, but that’s pretty accurate. I don’t mind having relationships with other people if they’re either platonic or sexual only. I just can’t be in a relationship with someone romantically. So pretty much friends or friends with benefits.
Aromantic is my sexual orientation, but what about my preference? Well, you probably saw this coming.
“A pansexual is someone who may experience sexual attraction toward people regardless of gender and physical sex. Pansexuality differs from bisexuality in this regard, although as the former is not as widely known, many people identifying as bisexual are also pansexual.”
If you don’t want to get technical about it, then you can just think I’m bisexual and I won’t really care, but I still ID as pansexual. The difference between pan and bi is basically pan is more inclusive. Bi just includes male and female. Pan includes male, female, trans, non binary, etc. Like I said, more inclusive.
Again, you probably saw this coming. But honestly, I say pansexual very loosely. I feel like sexuality and me don’t really mix, and if I could just not have a sexuality, I would, but I don’t mind having sexual relations with people, so I gotta have something.
Even after “getting this off my chest,” I still feel like this is subject to change. Maybe i’m not ace/pan, maybe I am. I’m not really sure, to be honest, but I know that I’m in the point in my life right now where I cannot be in a romantic relationship.
So yeah. That’s about it. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
TL;DR: I’m aromantic/pansexual.