Why you guiz haven't received any make-up tutorial video yet!

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HeyGuys,

I feel like this needs to be said. I'm having a day of 0 productivity and feel exceptionally guilty - especially about this.

You guys been asking FOREVER when will a tutorial be released and here's the reason why it isn't out yet.

It's not like I don't want to do this video, in fact, I actually recorded multiple videos. If you remember, I bought the camera in order to knuckle down I just haven't quite managed to get through the editing stage yet. Most of you probably have no idea whatsoever but I am INCREDIBLY insecure, it's not really the image I want anyone to ever see on social media so I don't let anyone know. Those who are close to me will know that anxiety is something I struggle with on the daily. The issue with make-up tutorials is I actually open up to you exactly how I look beneath it all and by putting it on the internet, I put myself in the cross-hair of the internet and I am totally FRIGHTENED to see the repercussions of that.

As a younger girl I was never the good looking person, and in fact I was totally and utterly bullied in school. (fuck those people now, if you're all reading this, I hope you enjoy working in Tesco with your 10 kids.) The point being, by being bullied quite as much as I was I have some very real and very scary insecurities about my appearance. Don't get me wrong, being creative with make-up and my hairstyles has made me a butt-ton more confident but in the end of the day I know that all of my hair is extensions and my face has quite a lot of make-up on and sometimes I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I can't believe anybody who tells me I look beautiful without it.

I've been trying to build up the courage to get a video out. I really am trying. Sco reminds me all the time to do it but there's so much anxiety built up in me about it. I keep promising and not delivering.

Jesus, I don't even know why I am writing this.

I don't want you to say "OH BUT DJURII U SO NATURALLY PRETY" - this isn't a post for attention or compliments. I just wanted to give you a real insight into why I'm struggling getting it out. Believe me, I'm trying.

If you want, I wouldn't mind some suggestions in what kind of make-up tutorials you're after. I can make baby steps. (Specific looks, techniques etc)

Thanks for reading, or smtn. <3 <3

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