My career update
Yesterday after we finished our game and returned to the gaming house i voiced my desire to step down, the truth is i was thinking about it before this week's LCS started but i did not want to bring another blow to the morale of the team that would affect the results.
There are countless of reasons for me to do that, and very few to keep playing.
One is that i have not been able to perform to my teams standards, and more importantly to my own standards for a long time, leading to disappointment after each LCS week and considering retiring between every split. The only reason i didn't was my loyalty to the team.
Which leads me to the next point, after 2 of my closest friends and teammates in the team are leaving it is now officially not the same team anymore, so my driving force of the obligation i felt to do everything in my power to keep the team going is just not there anymore.
Then there are the leaks, of course most of the stuff i read were things that i suspected already, but still seeing a proof of them definitely feels different, i felt betrayed and alienated, not to mention this drama barely scratches the surface.
And to finish it off, i always felt like my talents would be much more useful as a coach than as a player i always spend countless of time theory-crafting and preparing for our opponents, only to end up not sleeping well and under-performing because of that, but i stayed as an active player because i thought my team needed me to, but now i realize that is not the case.
There are many more reasons for my decision, but i already wrote sort of an essay and i don't want to make you read 15 pages, who would do that right?? :P
I will stick around in case a suitable replacement is not found, but ultimately i will spend some time evaluating my options because being pro in league for me is a dream, and some day i will have to wake up and face reality, but i just want to keep watching this sweet dream a bit longer before the alarm goes off.