Just wanted to clear somethings up
just gonna vent some things out and keep it short
Going into genesis ( anyone who watched my stream leading up to it ) knew that I wasnt very motivated to compete. It might sound dumb to some people but I just really wanted to watch the eagles game and not worry about the tourney. I went to mainstage/luds tourney/genesis while pretty much not wanting to go, so when I get to genesis I was kind of waiting for an excuse to not play/try and getting ranked 3rd was kind of the scapegoat ROFL. I think me and amsa could both be 2 and 3 and it would make sense but I just wanted to be mad at something to get out of trying. To me going to 3 straight tourneys that I really didnt wanna play in because I love and care for the community to that same community just kinda giving me shit just made me snap. I actually had a fun time playing doc and wasnt even mad or sad when I lost. Its when I checked twitter and saw the moky post and a few other known people kind of shitting on me it just hurt more because I actually know and like these people. ( me and moky talked about it in person and we cleared the air so it doesnt bother me now looking back on it ) When the randoms dog pile me it doesnt really bother me that much because they are stupid fucks who actually know nothing about me. I do wanna apologize for acting like im bigger than melee because I think nothing is bigger than the game itself and that was just said in a moment of frustration.
Going to the guildhouse and hanging with the actual community made me realize that im actually very loved and I love just about everyone in the community. Its easy to forget that sometimes when you get hate sent ur way. Also im just kind of a baby at the start of every new melee year because I have to play mental gymnastics to get myself to care sometimes and every year its just getting harder. Even last year I was pretty over it but wanted to give it an honest shot for the game so I even saw a sports psychologist which helped a lot. I will probably do that again because I know I still got some fight in the tank. I will be taking a few months off to just play other games and get my head on straight. I think i just actually get depressed a lot of the times but kind of push it away because I want my stream to be a positive experience so no matter how shitty my life is or if im struggling with something I never bring it to stream because I want my stream to be a place where people who are struggling can try and have a good time and forget about whatever they need to. So sometimes every things adds up and I just kind of explode mentally.
It might sound corny but its hard being mango and some people think its so easy just because im so loved. I just want everyone to be happy at my expense which sucks sometimes when I see mango fans being upset that I played doc or whatever because I just let them down which just sinks me deeper ROFL
Think thats all I really wanted to get off my chest. I swear im not some evil person or a big cry baby and just a guy from norwalk who never asked be in this position but trying his absolute hardest to do whats best for the game he loves and the people who support him.