The last thing I will say about my actions

Me and Darius met in March 2021 after being internet friends and rivals for about a year. I was a very angry and bitter person and he “saved me”. I moved in with him immediately after meeting him. Things got rough about 6 months in when I started being promiscuous (sexually compulsive). Things got extra rough a year in when I hooked up with a friend of ours and hid it from him, gaslighted him, and made him think he was crazy. Around that time I was unhappy in the relationship yet still wanted the stability and still was fighting for Darius to stay with me despite trouble. I started talking to someone else. I have bpd and around this time my “favorite person” shifted. This new guy I was talking to was romantic. We met up and hooked up secretly. We talked every day for months. During this period I spoke very negatively of Darius to this person. In late November my guilt was eating away at me, I broke up with darius and moved everything out of our shared apartment into a new place. I then came forward and told him I had cheated on him after moving out of his apartment meant to ensure a clean break. I cut off all contact with the guy I cheated on him with and focused on trying to work through this breakup with darius really believing that we could still have a future together one day with the help of therapy. I started to try to get my life together. I got car insurance, i started working more, I tried to listen to Darius and hear him out when he was upset. There were a lot of nights spent talking and crying in each others arms. Of course he didn’t forgive me but at that time he also believed we could privately work through this. A few days ago I made some inappropriate decisions to flirt with someone and attempt to hide it from Darius (not it’s not sejin), who had access to my accounts and saw it immediately. This unfortunately was the last straw for Darius and caused him to realize that i had a set back in my personal growth. Even after I cheated on him and lied to him for months, Darius still loved me and wanted to work on things with me. I believed I could change and still do. But I think that road is far ahead and a long one. I love Darius very much and he knows the regret and sorrow I feel for hurting him so much. I have decided to cut all contact with him. He told me once that I could do anything to him and he would still want to be with me. We had a passionate, close relationship that lasted nearly 2 years. I have no doubt he will be an amazing partner to whoever is lucky enough to find themselves in his path next. I take full responsibility for my actions and for the breakup. We wanted to keep all of this private in case we did decide to work things out, we could do it without judgement and criticism from outside sources. But the cat is out of the bag, and I feel that people deserve to know exactly why he is so upset. We’ve had many long talks, more than you could imagine. What you saw on stream was a glimpse of a conversation we had had many times before. Darius, I’m sorry I introduced you to my family just to disrespect you and betray you. I’m sure they’ll all miss you very much. Mach 2021- march 2022 was on of the best years of my life and april 2022- now was one of the worst. Being in a relationship with someone who has bpd, splitting, other fp, and other symptoms is extremely difficult and I commend Darius for staying with me this long. I will no longer be talking about this online as I have always preferred to keep my personal affairs off the internet. Know that I’m working on myself and my future, and that at
the end of the day, you can comment on something you know nothing about, but real people are hurting and grieving this relationship. I do not with to antagonize Darius and will make sure not to show up places he is, just to trigger him. I will not be leaving DGG as it is somewhere I have also grown fond of and made a lot of friends, despite the ways I will likely be treated there in the future, and deservedly so.

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