Four years ago I gave my everything to pursue a career in Fortnite. Left my country, family, friends for the pursuit of being the very best of the best. I don’t think many people understand that kind of sacrifice and how much all of this meant to me to do so.
I’m not quitting because the game got stale, the developers not caring about their players, or because orgs see no value in Fortnite players. Honestly, it’s the ongoing and relentless harassment that leads me to the decision to quit and step away from Fortnite and “Cented”
In July my career and life took a turn for the worst and I lost everything I’d ever worked for. It’s something I’m deeply ashamed of and take full accountability for. I lost everything: my income, my reputation, an org I loved and admired. It was what I deserved and should’ve expected. I’ve taken accountability for my actions, started therapy, paid for my own sensitivity training, and really did my very best to learn and turn a new leaf. I didn’t expect public reception of me to change overnight, but I also didn’t expect the type of harassment that has continued to follow me long term.
People like Bucke, Aviv/ Donnie, and their followers have almost made it their personal missions to bully, harass and ruin any chance at redemption for me. My FNCS was purposefully griefed for clout all while they mocked BLM (a movement I’ve personally donated to and tried to support), and have streamers send their chat to hate raid me while I try and stream.
I can’t post something without harassment. Any joy I’ve ever had from Fortnite or being Cented is gone and now it’s just a nightmare.
Focussed and targeted harassment led me down dark paths and I started to self harm to the point that my girlfriend had to take extended leave from work to make sure I was not a danger to myself. I lost so much weight from anxiety and throwing up after my meals. Even getting on my computer would create so much anxiety for me that I wouldn’t touch my computer for days… just to avoid feeling stressed.
Anyone who’s known me outside of gaming and met me in person has had good things to say about me. I really do genuinely care about people. I really try to be a sincere and kind person outside of competitive shit talking. Tbf shit talking is what makes the game fun. But this is different.
Stepping away from Fortnite but remaining active on other socials like instagram just to keep people updated. I’ll be keeping my twitter for the purpose of continuing charity work and trying to use my platform for good in the future. I’m continuing to work on myself as a person, gain back the weight I lost, and try to learn from my mistakes.