How my future will look like :

I have thought long about this - but I came to the conclusion, that from now on I want to be a coach.
I have had a very long career and a very unique one aswell. I was always a very hard worker, but I am ready for the next chapter. If anyone is interested in a former Top-IGL going coach - hit me up.

Retweets apreciated.
Cheers. <3

Who wants to can stop reading here.

The rest is about my thoughts and why I decided to take this next step (Especially to all my supporters I wanted to give more of an insight)

Where do I even start.

CS has been and always will be my passion. I love everything about it. It never bores me and you can be so creative. I just love it so much.
I grew as a person just because of Counter-Strike and all the hardships I faced with it and I am eternally thankful.

The thing is : I want to be in the clear with myself.
I know that if you put only 50% of your will, your energy and your blood into something, it just won't be the best version of yourself and what you can archieve. I will explain shortly what I mean with that.

And don't get me wrong - I am writing this, because I want to let the people know that actually care about me, how I feel and what I think.
The people I have met in the last decade - all the fans and friends. I am not writing this for pity. Just a human sharing his deep thoughts. Being real to those that wish to read.

The struggle I have is the following.
Someone had to be me, so in the end it was me.
I somewhat took the roles I had throughout my career with pride. I always was the kind of person FOR a team that sacrificed himself for the greater good, no matter how bad I may have looked like in the process (HLTV shitstorm, the stats, etc.) - I kept telling myself, that victory and the progress of moving forward is all that matters.
And in the end - that is what truly matters in a competitive environment.

I believed (and I still do) that if you work together for the greater good, submitting yourself knowingly and willingly for a shared goal, you will eventually reach it.
And I did. Many times. I set myself a goal - and every single time I reached it. Sometimes it took me years to reach it, but those moments where I did, were the reward of the time and energy I have spent.
I will never forget the lessons I learned from those victories : that I can do anything I want, if I want to.

However - I am still human. I have my flaws and my weaknesses.
And I fully accept the reality where the way people think of someone (sadly) DOES influence their power and possibilities. I really love CS and want to continue playing - BUT I don't want to be an IGL anymore.
On the other hand - values like pride, money and fulfillment are important to me as well. Some are forced upon me (money) - some can be fatal (pride).

Since "Being smart and a great thinker" is what I am known for to be very good at in CS - it decreases my value for other roles. Every player (I hope) will think about the question : What do I really bring to the team?
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how things really are, but how everyone else is perceiving them.
Which is the problem I stated above.
Well, at least it is a problem for me.

I would only continue playing, but only as a non-IGL.
I am a person (thanks to CS and the responsibilities I shouldered) that now knows what he wants.
But there are just too many conditions to be met, in order for me realise this wish of continuing playing.

To come back to the very beginning of this tweet - I need to decide.
Not only about what I want, but what is best.

I want to stay true to myself and give 100% for what I decide.
CS is my love. I want to continue that.

It feels saddening to say and I also had to face myself and be brutally honest - but the time for me to transfer into "What was made for me" has come.
Its not just about now, but also about my future.

I am honestly scared.
But I am able to also look ahead with confidence. I know because of all the things I went through and all I achieved - if I really want to do something, I am definitely able to do it.
If not me, who else?

Sigh.. So..
- I am ending my active career as a player effective immediately.

Thanks to everyone who read this, it means a lot to me.
See you on the other side. :)

(My contract with Cowana ends on 1st of January 2023)

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