This shit sucks so much man.. I don't really know where to start but I'm tired of staying quiet about things so here goes nothing.
I saw an opportunity with this org when I joined around this time last year. I brought some of my closest friends on board to make blvkhvnd apex not only great but also a respectable name in the apex community. I'd say I did a good job at that, blvkhvnd actually started to be a team that people respected. I recruited three of my closest friends in the space two of the three competed on our main comp team at one point.
My goals and intentions were just to always look after my homies and try to put them in a better position to do what they love without having to worry about anything else and I saw that I could do exactly that with this org & I succeeded at that for a good while. I had everything going the way I wanted for while.
I had to personally turn down numerous big creators who were also friends. They would reach out to be apart of what we had going on over here at blvkhvnd because of the traction we had building. I just couldn't put them in the mix of the bad things that I felt were bound to occur that I remained optimistic about. I'm glad I trusted my gut instinct to say no instead of allowing them to join for momentary gain. It really does pain me so much to put a lot of time into something that I saw was way bigger than myself. All of that hard work just to watch it all fall apart in front of my own eyes without being able to do anything about it.
The first problems began to occur towards the middle of September. We were getting paid twice a month since the beginning of joining, sometimes it wasn't on time and the owners (who were in charge of paying us) had some very unprofessional moments with communication etc. Me and the apex guys addressed the issues and thought we were past that. Come September we essentially just stopped getting what we were owed and the amount got smaller and smaller each month all the way up to now.
When you've been getting paid a decent amount of money consistently twice a month for almost a year you become dependent on that income, so when it abruptly stops financial problems begin to occur. You become impatient really quickly. I was sweet talked into staying optimistic about a lot of things. I believed a lot of what they told me, this being my first ever management job I thought to myself okay things like this occur we'll get past it. Let me figure out what I can do this month to get by, as far as groceries, rent, bills and trips to go see my family. When all I really ever asked for was honesty so I could relay the messages to people who trusted me that I brought on board because I thought the org could support us.
So I'll continue to work with my own management team to get what I and the fellas are owed hopefully that's a smooth process that wont require legal action cause I'm sure that'd be a major headache but I am willing to do what it takes to get what we worked for.
Man... I was so wrong about a lot of things but I just have to keep my chin up and learn from it. I've had so many trial and error things occur over the years but I wouldn't be where I am without it so I don't regret anything. I just wish it could've turned out different for my guys, I'm young with a big heart so this shit sucks man.
I love and care about these guys a lot and wish nothing but the best for them and their future endeavors. Big shoutout to Chase/Shooby, Isaiah/Yaztoh & Cody/Orioles I know each one of you have what it takes to go the distance. All three of you are phenomenal apex players and I believed in you guys all the way from console where we first met and started your platforms to where we all are now. With or without blvkhvnd I always knew you guys had what it takes and I love you guys and I'm sorry it didn't end how we wanted.
As for me i'll be looking for a management position with any org out there willing to hire. Or just any kind of opportunity. I'm capable of a lot, my dm's are open. I built blvkhvnd apex up from scratch and made it what it was today. I'm dedicated and I love to learn.
If you read this all the way through thank you, I'm trying to not put all of this on myself but inevitably I feel like I failed at something once again. Like I said though, I gotta keep my chin up and keep pushing. Thank you for reading!.