Maurice Gutmann · @KheZu
8th Nov 2022 from TwitLonger
Moving forward
I will not be playing this season, I want to explore working as a talent and/or a coach.
I have been feeling stressed every day for the past year and a half, even when I wasn’t playing for a team anymore. Constant pressure to perform as I did at some point before had taken away all the pleasure of actually playing Dota because I didn’t feel good enough and I don’t want that.
This year, I want to focus on finding myself and learn to enjoy life without the influence of how my fucking Dota pubs go every day or like what my current rank is. The last time I actually felt really happy in Dota is when I had the chance to work as a talent this year and when I coached Quincy at TI10. It allowed me to see how much I still love this game because I got to be involved in the games and break them down without the pressure. The best part about Dota is the team aspect, improving together, working in a group and just enjoying the game for the beauty and complexity of it.
Because of the tension I subconsciously put on myself, I feel like the shadow of the player I could be and it honestly feels trash. I’m still high MMR and yet I feel bad. I don't want to feel that way, I love this game and I want it to be fun.I feel like I lost my identity as a player through the disappointments + pressure of the past year and I want to take the time to get it back.
I wanna thank the people who gave me a chance to try out as a talent this year, and all the amazing professionals we have in this scene. ALL the talents I’ve worked with made me feel super welcomed from the start, and made it super easy. I also wanna thank everyone who keeps supporting me, it really means a lot to me. All the clowns in my Discord and all the people who watch my stream, I see you and I love you guys.