Spike and sexual assault.
To be honest, I have no idea how to even start this.. But what I am about to write is something I have mostly kept to myself for the past 5 months. This is something that is really difficult for me to talk about or even write about. This text might be a little messy, but I will do my best.
Back in May, me and my ex team (kezzi, joana, spike, lia and coach mik. 3 of them plays now in astralis.) were at bootcamp in Poland for a week. Everyone had their own room except me and Spike. We had to share rooms as we also had a photograph team with us in the mansion we bootcamped at. So I decided to take one for the team and said I could share with someone. This ended up being with Spike.
On the night of May the 3rd, I got sexually assaulted by Spike. The team were drinking a little, we were all just chatting and having a good time together. When it started to get late, everyone went to bed, including me and Spike. I went straight to bed and just wanted to sleep. Very shortly after, Spike started to ask about making out before bed. I said I didn't want to and that I just wanted to sleep. She kept bugging me about it multiple times that she wanted to make out with me and she wouldn't stop even though I said multiple times that I didn't want to make out with her. Eventually, I gave in as I just wanted to go to sleep, so I gave her a kiss to make her stop. She then started to touch me and grind her leg between mine. I stopped her and said I didn't want to do this. I wasn't interested in having sex with her. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to, and that it was just sex. She asked me if it was because I got feelings for the people I lay with or if it was because she was my teammate and that she didn't care that we were teammates. Because she could have sex with whoever she wanted to, since she doesn't get feelings for the people she lay with and doesn't mind who they are or what relationship they have with her. I kept saying that I was just not interested in her that way and that I didn't want to have sex with her, especially not with teammates. She didn't want to listen. Eventually, I thought she accepted it as it seemed like she actually went to sleep. Oh lord, I was wrong. Like 5 minutes later, she asked again if I wanted to make out. I still kept saying the same thing; that I didn't want to and I wanted to sleep. Again, she didn't take no for an answer, and she kept bugging me and eventually just asked for a goodnight kiss. Stupid me, just want to sleep, so I decide to give her this good night kiss again to shut her up and stop pressuring me. Again, the same happened, where she started to touch me everywhere, but this time she was more on me. I tried multiple times to say no, but she just wouldnt stop touching me until I started yelling and screaming at her that I didnt want to and that she had to respect it. I screamed that this is not okay and that I did not want to. She then just kept her mouth shut and went to sleep.
This is the worst night I have had in a long time. Let me tell you, I couldn't sleep for shit. I probably slept for like one hour all together that night, as I felt so uncomfortable sleeping next to her after this.
The following days were not easy at all. On the 4th of May, we had a huge team meeting about what happened after i told the others about it. In this meeting, it was me, Spike, Kezzi, Joana, Lia and Mik (Lia is our old teammate and Mik is our old coach). We were in the living room and had a little team activity to get to know each other better. After we were done with this, Kezzi brought up what happened last night with me and Spike. It eventually became quite heated, to the point where spike began to blame me. She thought I wanted it, so therefore she kept going. At this point, I was yelling at her that I said clearly no. That no is a no, and there was no reason to believe otherwise. Eventually after some discussion me, spike and kezzi went to another room to discuss it more as it was mostly me, kezzi and spike talking and the others were just listening. She again blamed me, said I was very flirty and she thought I wanted it. Even though I am clearly saying no. She kept saying that she was sorry and that she never would have done it if she knew I didn't want to... which is very weird to me as I clearly said no multiple times when she tried to have sex with me.
After this, I threw her out of the room, slept alone for the rest of the days, and did everything I could to avoid her in the house. which was pretty hard as we were on bootcamp.
What spike did was sexual assault. I said no, that I didn't want to have sex with her. She should immediately stop what she was doing and not asking questions. Continuing and pressuring someone is not okay. After this happened, I had such a hard time seeing her or even hearing her voice. Staying in that team after this is one of the most difficult things I have done, and it hurt me so much mentally and as a player. I had no confidence, I couldn't speak to her and it was just super hard to play with her as I couldn't focus at all. I wanted to leave the team, but I didn't. because I appreciated being in a team with the others and our friendship. I sacrificed my mental health for the team. So we didn't have to look for another new player. It is the most stupidest thing I have ever done, and something should have been done with what happened instead.
I know that the girls are covering up for spike, saying it never happened and that I am full of lies. But it really is words against words on this. I know that something like this is really difficult to prove, as you obviously don't film something like this happening. We only really talked about it at the bootcamp, and it was never brought up again after that. I do have some screenshots of chats the following days, but it's not 100% proof. So I understand why some would doubt it.
I have also informed Astralis about what happened. I don't know what they did with the information, but at least they know.
I am not coming out with what happened out of jealousy or saltiness. I am doing this to warn others as it might happen again to someone else.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.