A Year in Retrospect, and Ramblings of 30 Years of Life.

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As TI Qualifiers nears its end, the road is closed for many and the time to rebuild begins. For the past few years, I've made public posts regarding my experiences in conclusion to the DPC year, sharing perspectives that might help others. Normally, DotA is my focal point - but today, due to my turning 30 this year and with all the things that have happened, I figure I should share some lessons I learned along this journey of life, of the many highs and lows. It will be long and personal. I am "cv" aka Clairvoyance, and today I share this DPC year's experiences as a professional DotA coach and 30 years of life in retrospect.

I started this DPC year with the mindset that I outlined in my last year's post - to not work online despite travel restrictions, particularly not for a SEA team as the time zones forced me to change my life. I was asked to stay with Boom and rebuild without 5 Indonesians which eventually led Boom to fetch great value in Yopaj and Skem. But in time, they went with Mushi, a living legend, and I decided to focus on the stock market boom which I thought was going to be my career path beyond DotA. For the last few years, I believed that DotA is past its' half-point and there likely won't be a TI past maybe 13 or 14. As I got older, responsibilities and pressure from lack of stability made me feel that I should move on from DotA. But in the end, I couldn't move on.

Before DPC season 1 of 2021-2022 began, 3 teams reached out to me regarding coaching. One deal fell through and after mulling over the remaining offers, I decided to take the "lesser" team at the time, which was Army Geniuses. I only saw AG one time in my life before this decision, when they played my Boom some point in the previous year and went 1:1 against us with a Riki counter to Invoker at mid. I still remember being told that they were the Indonesian B team, as Boom is the A team. I made this decision partly because they were willing to match my salary from my previous 3 teams as well as new offers that came in, but mostly because I've realized through Covid that my greatest desire isn't necessarily to make or win TI, but rather to build something that can from scratch, and prove to the world that indeed, anyone can do it. I wanted to be the living proof.

Season 1 of Army Geniuses (AG) was disastrous. Language, time zone differences, and online - all these things were a barrier to get acquainted properly, partly why I resolved to not work online after Boom - yet here I was, working with another SEA organization once again, online yet again. It was hardly ideal, but I knew I could make a difference here so I remained focused. With time and competing in 322 tournaments through winter break, I felt the team had no direction while inside the game, so we made a switch on our then-pos4 Lym to Narman(Hustla), who was just coming out of a Huya Invitational tournament victory over some big Chinese teams like Aster and RNG. In the end, the team survived relegation but remained in Division 2. Though my goal was to elevate this team to Division 1, things were looking bleak. I shared with management that this team should basically rebuild and as that was not possible, I began looking for alternatives.

Season 2 was unfortunate. I was set on leaving, but I also felt responsible because I pushed very hard to obtain Narman and AG complied with full trust. So I changed my plans - to at least set up Varizh, the pos 5 player, to become the leader AG needs after my departure. For this purpose, we discussed and agreed that he take over most functions for a few series. RSG (then-chubbybois) were our first opponents and AG came out with a 0-2 loss against them. During the draft, there was direct conflict between me and the team - I wanted to ban the Pangolier but the team did not respect it, believing they had the counters. After the loss, the atmosphere became very heavy and one player was notably upset and felt that I was "going against the team". I shared my case in why I wanted to do this (without the desire to leave part), and we decided that I should return to captain this ship as much as possible outside the game itself which includes drafting. In the end, it was my failure as this series was a deal breaker for Division 1 promotion.

On March 19, my mother broke her leg. She was carrying my baby niece down the stairs outside the house and lost balance. In an effort to protect the baby, she collasped knee+elbow first onto the concrete and it shattered her kneecap, a clean patellar fracture. Surgery was recommended but my mother decided to not have it because the recovery timeline of 6-9 months wasn't going to change either way. It was a very difficult period of time. While considering an offer that came in at the time, I initiated talks with AG to fly to bootcamp and at least do this properly for a season. But with this emergency injury, as the lone caretaker in her vicinity, I could no longer leave. Bootcamp was no longer possible. I took emergency leave days to match my mother's sleep schedule, so I can tuck her into bed and get her out of bed as she could not do these things alone at that point. Our 3rd series against Talon, and consequently our 2nd and last loss in the season, occurred during this time. From my perspective, I feel like we lost two series that I couldn't participate in for different reasons. This should have been AG's season, and I believe I failed the team in this regard.

In April, my mother and I caught covid. These were horror days. Everyone has their own struggles and all people suffer in solidarity to some degree. But at the peak of my Covid, watching my one-legged mother bring me medicine as she crawls up the stairs because I'm too ill to get up out of my own bed, along with the weeks leading up to this point - her howling in the night due to the pains from her fracture, the overall depressing mood in the house, living nocturnally without seeing enough sun or people in general due to work - the combination wore me down and morbid thoughts welled up inside. Thankfully, the storm eventually passed - covid symptoms faded albeit slowly (bloody coughs for weeks), my mother's leg was steadily improving, and AG closed the season with a 4-0, barely missing Div.1 promotion. With the boost of morale, I set on fully committing what we started - get this team to Division 1. Thus in the ides of May, after the doctors said my mother's recovery was progressing well, I flew over to the AG bootcamp and began preparations for Season 3.

Season 3 started well enough. We ran Pudge as carry vs. Neon, and are officially the first team to play Pudge carry in the patch since the changes to Flesh Heap in 7.31. The idea came from my carry, Mr. db- himself - a player who I believe presents himself as a donkey, but is an immense ball of potential. When he showed me the numbers, I understood - with Aghanims, the hero has a 200 dps radiance that slows by 40%. This is not balanced, and neither is flesh heap - heroes are doing 0 damage to this pudge in an era where BKB is constantly getting nerfed. We saved it until the last days of scrims as I wanted to preserve it. After successful practice, we ran it and since then, Pudge carry has become a staple in the meta - something that people can't forget about. Aster also ran it, but it was after us and it was for mid as a counter to Puck. We invented the Pudge carry and I shared the idea with close contacts from other regions. I am proud of this team and db- for this achievement, it proves that they understand DotA at a unique level.

We lost a pretty costly second series to TNC, who at the time looked like one of the strongest teams in SEA. They were beating most opponents in scrims including Div.1 teams - however, they ran 3 games vs. most teams and lost the deciding 3rd games in their DPC series which was very unfortunate. Their mid-laner Krish popularized Mars mid for a time, and I decided to copy it as it's a very strong flex-pick that offers great team fight. As the season progressed, we racked up some slugfest victories and came to a crossing point vs. Lilgun, one of the most unique teams in the world in my mind.

Lilgun is a team of 5 Mongolians that first-phase drafts Broodmother/Lycan when available and while many call them a cheese team, to me this isn't cheese. Cheese is a surprise last pick that most other players don't play or think about, in an attempt to steal a draft. When you pick these absurdly one-dimensional heroes early and still find a way to cover their weaknesses vs 4-5 potential counterpicks, this is skill. This team practices vs. Europe and I have heard from TI and Major winning players that this team crushed them and have some scary ideas. I believe "better the devil you know than the devil you don't" and in light of this, we prepared for the Broodmother and Lycan instead of banning. As AG's divisional promotion hinged on this series vs Lilgun, we practiced 1st phase broodmother in a total of 8 scrims and won 7. In theory and by the statistics, Broodmother is favored vs. Lycan as well and we knew that Lilgun prioritized the Lycan over the brood where possible. In game 1 of the fateful DPC series, we got the trade we wanted but in the end, we lost. Though we came back in game 2, some division 2 DotA took over in game 3 with a lot of wild sequences, such as a player accidentally channeling the enemy Underlord's Fiends Gate into the enemy's base and dying without buyback and giving gem. This snowballed into a loss which effectively ended our Season 3, placing us top 3, just one win shy from potential promotion. Once again, I failed to achieve the goal for this team.

The following months were a lot of tryouts for different players to fill the gap in 2 of our 3 core positions. In the end, it was all moot as roster lock mishaps forced us to return to our Season 3 roster and run it back for TI qualifiers. As TI Qualifiers officially concluded yesterday for Army Geniuses and myself with our loss to Xerxia, my time with AG is effectively over in a moment's notice. With that said and before formally declaring my availability for TI in Singapore and roadmap for beyond, I want to share some tidbits regarding my players, perspectives, life, and other random bits.

Last year in my Boom retrospect, I mentioned that I expect those players to have TI appearances in the coming years and already 3 are TI-bound this year. As long as Fervian isn't being a fool, I assume he will be there perhaps as a stand-in, or qualify properly next year. I believe I have this job because I've proven to my contemporaries time after time that I've got a "good eye" for things related to this game. In 2014 on a cold winter night, I had my first match with D3M0N*, a moniker which SumaiL used at the time. Literally after this 1 rubbish pub where he played Pudge against some random Brewmaster mid and proceeded to run over the game, I felt it. I went around to my then-close friends such as Bulba and Mason, telling them about this kid and how he looks like a TI winner to me. Literally after 1 game, after 1 specific sequence where he hooked me with 0 hesitation and I didn't even have a chance to react. Players know this - you play some 100 games against a hero and you think you know it all, but every DotA game is different and a new player might teach you an angle you didn't even know existed. I was initially laughed at, I still remember Bulba's words that this guy is not that good and that I don't know jack about DotA. Then SumaiL/EG went on to win DAC, followed by Bulba joining as coach. They won TI together that year.

I have shared many abrupt and sudden ideas to close contacts throughout my career which has both landed me jobs as well as ridicule. Looking back, I feel like I'm somewhat of a stepping stone - these youngsters go by me and if our paths cross, I share what I have and they surpass me in time because their ability and dedication to grind exceeds mine. I brought a player into competitive a few years ago when nobody knew him, helped him choose his name to be Bryle and not Ryu (thank God) and he went on to compete alongside TI and Major winners. This year, he made his first TI by direct invite and achieved top 2 at the majors. I coached a mediocre Mexican team called XOLOTL before because one of my best friends captained the team, and a good friend ran the business and I wanted to help them achieve their dreams. In a scrim with a random SA team at the time, I saw an offlane Abaddon player exceeding my perception of Expected Value, friended him after the game and told him that he's great and he's going to appear at TI someday if he keeps it up. He was elated and thanked me profusely at the time, but I don't know if he even remembers. Sacred, do you remember me? Congratulations on making your first TI this year.

I come to this SEA region, to this AG team and I work with players that are looked down on, yet all I see what I saw in those other guys as well - the potential to surprise and become beasts. Db- and Varizh are players with incredible work ethic. Varizh is one of the most positive-minded players I have ever worked with and this will go a long way by itself. Db- is a bit of a donkey in his public presentation but I have full conviction in his vision of DotA, and believe this player will appear at TI someday. Through my time, a handful of players stand out to me who always have 3rd party tools like dota2protracker open, keeping a vigilant eye on what every other player is doing on X hero, in X position. I believe that not enough players do this, and the ones I have witnessed doing it actively at bootcamps are all TI-qualified players in the present. Db- is not there yet, but this player's way of working is a proven formula for success in my eyes.

Womy was replaced on this team twice during my time, then brought back twice in the same time. I have never worked with a player who can make others laugh so effortlessly. He is youth personified but that has its drawbacks as a hardcore competitor. If Womy invested the same time into DotA as someone like ATF from OG or Mikoto/23 from Talon do, the world should fear what this kid might accomplish in his potentially lucrative career - his boisterous nature disguises his genius understanding of DotA. Narman is every bit I expected and more as a player. He has a solid reputation in these regions and doesn't need my praise. He's unrivaled at finding kills or openings to get kills in the right places on the map. He's a youthful kid in a big body, smiles passively and is somewhat emotionally prone. As time adds wisdom to his mind, I expect him to continue to grow into an exceptional player and person. Azur4 is a big-game player - in our practices, he seems off but when matches come, he singlehandedly carried some of our games with his Grandmaster spirits and/or Morphling. As long as he continues putting in the hours into this game, I believe that he too will have his efforts rewarded.

I said in my Boom retrospect last year that it was not a failure, but my AG venture was certainly a failure. In 2 seasons with this roster, we were 1 win shy of promotion to Division 1, so we failed to reach our target. In the most recent bout of TI Qualifiers, we showed the world another set of crazy ideas in Faceless Void + Gyrocopter supports, Leshrac/Pudge carries and truth is, these players and I had more ideas that the world won't see yet. But I am delighted at the fact that even with these small bits, the guys on this AG roster were able to prove that there exists a glimmer of hope among these lower-ranked teams and that with a little push on a good day, they too can rise to a higher stage. And this, after some years of thought and ageing, is my determined path until the bitter end - to coach competitive DotA 2 teams of any level and elevate them to their best possible versions.

Since the pandemic began, some known DotA players have committed suicide. It's a rough topic, but the simple reality is that competition ain't easy and while DotA might not be the primary driving force, the general negativity from perceived lack of successes or toxic environment in pubs probably didn't help. DotA is certainly not going to last forever but for many people, it's all they have until they have to give it up. There some notable retirees this year as well, of which two very personal contacts for me are EternalEnVy and Ryoya. I have history with these people and at times in my life, they were my best friends.

For years in my mind, I told myself that I was 30 in preparation of the big mark, y'know? 30 is boomer status in this digital era, I was a little worried. But through my reflections and the ironic timing of the old vanguard slowly phasing out, I have come to realize that at the end of the day, this is what I am. I've quit DotA numerous times with serious intentions - to work full-time and stock shelves or manage the post office to help pay my family rent, take on a 9-5 at a robotic actuator developing tech company, try my hands at professional poker after shipping a couple tournaments with strong ROI and placings, and most recently, participate in the stock market boom, multiplying my principal by 20x+ only to bleed it away through imprudent gambles. I need competition, I need DotA, and I take delight in nothing more than to see a group of 5 players and management, proud and happy that their efforts were rewarded, hopefully with my assistance.

Over the last few years, the classic "purpose of life" question has consistently nudged me in my waking moments. Formerly a devout Catholic who went to church 7 times a week, I'm now an Agnostic that ponders useless questions with no answers. At the height of my covid and mother's fracture, when my world was crumbling, I conversed with a great friend who also has his share of struggles despite being viewed as the Golden Child of DotA. He told me that the purpose of life is to smile. It was charming because I used to think that way when I was young, but the smiles fade over the years to make room for reality and responsibilities. But it doesn't have to be this way. I do believe that a genuine smile from a person you care about is hard to beat, so for now, I've committed to my aim being, "to help others smile". This is fulfilling for anyone, I think.

Through my years, many people have questioned my career trajectory - "Clair what happened, you went from NIP to XOLOTL", or "I think you're great but you can't seem to stay in one place", things like this. During my religious days, one of my fondest verses was Matthew 9:12 - "Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.'" I've had many dreams and it would be nice to own a house in this world, but as long as my mother can live comfortably without worrying about rent, my only priority will remain developing myself and immediate companions to become the best versions that we can be, as DotA competitors and humans. This is what I do, and if this takes me to 3 different teams in a year, I take the challenges head-on.

But TI still remains the endgame for most people. It's simply too big. Yet all my TI-related memories have sad endings so far. TI4 with Cloud 9 was fine but coaches were not accepted in the booth at the time. At TI8, due to some drama, I was not allowed in the booth in our first series vs OG. We had an 18k gold lead in that first game with a 2rax advantage against OG but that was OG's TI where everything aligned and they staged some of the biggest comebacks. It's a source of disappointment as I could only watch us become stepping stones for one of the greatest legacy stories in OG's first TI win. Due to some other drama and misfortunate circumstances, I gave up a guaranteed TI9 appearance with NiP, who proceeded to get eliminated first as bottom 18 that TI. That team was constructed with a TI winning captain and 4 extremely renowned players, all 4 of which are qualified directly into this year's TI. This is not a bottom 18 team, and I wish I was there to change that. Two of the players on that team have since reached out and gave me the prize money that I was owed but denied at the time. I remember having the voice conversation and tearing up - these are good people, and I hope that I can stand by their side and help elevate them again someday.

On that note, I am declaring my availability to coach for the upcoming TI at Singapore, and am open to LCQ teams as well as qualified teams. I am currently in talks with one team as my priority due to their prior interest in me and our history, but should that deal fall through, I am open for business. My conditions for the TI venture is as follows - a 5% cut of the prize pool, freedom to choose my attire, necessities for business (food/shelter/travel) covered - I assume Valve covers the event but not bootcamp. I am currently situated 1 hour by ferry away from Singapore and have no problems entering at will. Salary is not required. My guarantee is that we would appreciate each other's time in the end. Since travel information deadline is on the 20th, I suppose time is of the essence.

For the year beyond TI, I am open to any professional DotA 2 roster with a clear reachable goal. In the last 2 months, I've received 7 offers which is the most I've ever gotten. I assume this is because there's a short list of coaches with the LCQ system, and I'm probably the longest tenured coach in DotA - since starting in 2014, I didn't flip-flop between player/coach at my convenience like most of the others. Every player/org can say they want to go and win TI but not everyone can accept that the reality requires time, steps, and discipline - it's a process. Competition only gets harder with time - this year if I had to describe it, saw new rise in ATF/OG, Saberlight and Entity/Pure. I believe it won't be the same next year - new competitors and strong teams will emerge. And I am sure that all of them will benefit greatly from a coach that fits them. As long as couriers are still dying because people aren't queuing them through the lanes, or people do not adapt to the removal of the small camp this patch and the shift of map orientation due to these ostensibly small changes, or people are not sniping out abuseable numbers on spells and items that are out of tune to their advantage, or players have difficulty putting to words their vision and inner thoughts towards others in the relationship called a team, I believe that coaches like myself will always have a place.

If you think that I can be that guy for you, please feel free to reach out.

Thanks for your perusal
-cv

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