Alex · @KidSkys
14th Sep 2022 from TwitLonger
SSG-my perspective
I want to start this off by saying I had no intention of talking about this publicly but since there has been consistent disrespect thrown my way from the players and staff of SSG its time I speak from my perspective.
This is going to be long because I want to give everyone a timeline of when things started to fall apart. I strongly believe that specific players on this roster are more catered to by staff than others & it was shown to me throughout arguments, team talks & decision making which ultimately played a part in my cut.
From the beginning, there was multiple times that I would weigh my opinion in on things I wanted to do or even try when I was in the IGL role that I believed could be useful or helpful. Not every time but a big majority of my opinions were shut down or decided "not that important". Because if this, when i was switched to flank I very rarely would put my input in after practice conversations as I felt that my thoughts and opinions didn’t matter.
When I had joined the team, at some point every player on the roster told me there was one specific teammate you just cannot argue with. The saying was "he sees things the way he sees things and his mind is impossible to change." This will make more sense later on.
SI 2022- After a 9-12th placement losing by a round to MIBR we return home. During our travel days it was discussed amongst specific players on the team (not the team as a whole) to swap Bosco & I's roles. He will be the hardbreach/IGL and I will be swapped to Flankwatch. I didn't argue it and took on this new role but I would have loved to have some say in the topic or even had a discussion about their thoughts on having us switch. Nonetheless, it was the decision made and it respected it.
STAGE1-Now, I want to bring up an arguement with the teammate I was told not to ever argue with & this is where I believe things started going downhill. We had scrimmed a new team where I was extremely open about my thoughts on a player who could have possibly been cheating. It was a team we haven't heard of really or scrimmed before so it was very suspicious to me, what was happening in the scrim. My teammate at the time was clearly getting frustated by it and made it known so I did my best at the time to not bring it up or worry about it throughout the rest of practice. After practice, I walk outside to the same teammate bad mouthing me to two other teammates. So of course, I confronted him saying something along the lines of "if you have a problem say it to me don't say it behind my back." From there it only got worse.. The conversation then turned into him not thinking I see it from his perspective and me saying I shouldn't of complained but that I felt he was letting it bother him too much. More than it bothered me. When I said this, he did not like it. He began to literally scream at me saying "hes about to lose it". I tried to calm the situation down and said we can discuss it later if you like when everything is more calm. Keep in mind I did not yell once whereas most of the argument was me being screamed at. The two teammates he was badmouthing about me too, both made a point to tell me that they personally thought the way he was acting was ridiculous and also thought the player was suspicious in scrims. But of course, they didn't let him know they thought this way. This argument was escalated to staff & basically nothing was done with it. I do feel, if it were me screaming at one of my teammates, the entire situation would have been handled differently.
Fast forward again. Throughout stage 1 our practice was not the greatest on and off we had players in bad moods/bad tempers consistently. MYSELF included. I had my fair share of rough days.
Moving forward a bit more during the season...There was a different player going through some more SERIOUS personal things that was affecting his performance/VIBE to the team. Our practice was not going well, somedays it may have been better to just not even play. When I noticed that something significant going on with this teammate, I sat outside with him for a few hours discussing everything from how we can fix it to how I can help from an individual perspective. Im mot sure if it helped but I know I put the effort in to do what I could, to make my teammate feel better and for him to know someone was there for him and also how we movie forward as a team. Eventually he got out of the funk he was in and we finished our season. With all the problems and role changes made we obviously did poorly and placed 5th 1 game away from qualifying for the Charlotte Major. Not too bad for what we had dealt with.
During the off season I had two serious talks with the two teammates that I felt may of had unresolved problems with me or just something they wanted to discuss because it always felt awkward for me to be around them for whatever reason. I spoke to both of my teammates separately and was genuine with what I had to say and what they had to say. I had no problem with anybody, I had no problem with the role I was on I just wanted to win and clear up any issues some may have had. 1 of these conversations went extremely well and felt genuine to me that there was no longer a problem or any issues to be had.
Later on in the offseason Lycan had planned to do 1on1s with every player just to see how everyone was playing, things he wanted to discuss etc. Now this is where I felt the catering of other players showed pretty significantly & our relationship began to deteriorate. When it came to my time for the 1on1 we were sitting outside with the team & my 1on1 happened to be with other players around. I personally felt that was disrespectful but was asked "what do you think you need to work on for the next stage" and at that time I just said “i don't know”. I was feeling uncomfortable and it was awkward to do something like that in front of other teammates. Regardless, he told me what he wanted me to work on and I said I would. Later that week I threw a bit of shade at Lycan saying I'm glad yall got 1on1s privately must of been nice. I didn't need to do that but I did and regret it now because I know it was childish.
Moving on from the offseason and about a week before stage 2, I start to have personal problems going on that were seriously effecting my mental health. It may have been the 1st or 2nd time I felt a real depression going on and normally when I have problems going on that are serious i tend to isolate myself from people to handle it. I let them all know that I was going through something and this is normally how i handle it aswell. After practices, I was not hanging out much with any of the other guys. I know it was definitely not fair to them for me to not interact which can genuinely effect friendship/teamwork because chemistry is lacking. Our practice already was not going well before this.. we were struggling to win attacks, some blocks of scrims we were lucky to get 2-3 rounds on attack.
2 days before the stage starts we have a very bad practice day, again. We were scrimming skyscraper and getting demolished we had no plan on what to do so for 2 rounds i just stepped up and made the IGL calls for those 2 rounds. We won both of them. An hour after practice lycan comes to my room and says I'm being moved back to IGL and that Bosco agrees that's its probably for the best. This came to a surprise for me because its not something that I wanted, asked for, or even thought about. I said I would like to think about it and ultimately came to the decision that I don't think it was smart. I was in a bad headspace, bosco and I would have to change roles 2 days before the league & its just not something I wanted to do anymore. I didn’t feel it was a good decision. Later on that week I told Lycan that I could help assist Bosco calling from a Vertical Play role (buck/sledge) only if he thinks its absolutely something we HAVE to do because the calling isn't where it needed to be. The role changed that same day. And I want to make it very very clear that I am in no way innocent of bad attitude/vibe days during practice. During this time period I can say there was multiple days where practicing was extremely tough but to be put out as the sole suspect of bad attitudes/vibes is absolutely not true.
*throughout stage2 not a single player or staff reached out to check on how was I doing. Of course they don't have to do that but it was just something I noticed after being dropped. Some people had said "if you need anything lmk" but never actually reached out. probably not a big deal but it shines light on the dynamic of this team. Especially when I reached out and did what I could for a player on this team who struggled with the same thing just few months prior.
STAGE 2
Playday 1- we play xSET online and get absoultely dogged.. i don't think we stood a chance that game on LAN or not they were just better than us. There wasn't bad vibes or any attitude problems we were definitely not as "energized" as you would want to be for a game but that's just how it was. Moving on to the DZ game again online, same thing no attitude problems no bad vibes just more energized from recognizing it was not there vs xSET. We win that game. Next game is beastcoast & we lose. A game most would have thought we should of won but didn't. Mirage is up next and we barely win that game which started to effect the mood of everyone on the team. Even after winning the bus ride home was pretty quiet & just not normal after a win. Practice that week was decent but you could tell something was definitely off. Following that playday I'm being told by people that i was getting dropped for "Azian". I approached Lycan with this immediately because if it was going to happen I needed to know ASAP for living purposes. I was assured it was bullshit and that it wasnt even a discussion. I didn't think those rumours would effect my play but it honestly did & I account that to what I already had going on. Next playday we are up against soniqs, we go up 5-2 and ultimately lose 6-8. So practically 3 losses in a row even though we beat mirage(7-5). We then lose another close game to Parabellum. This game is more complicated in my opinion because I didn't think skyscraper was the map to go vs a team with their playstyle and how little variety we had on that map in terms of strategy. The game was close and another game we played bad as a team. I would say i underperformed significantly in this game. The following day we have a team talk that the team decided to bench me because they "can physically see that i have things going on and its effecting me in game & out." Which i fully understood didn't think was unfair so I went with it. I asked them to talk again later that day after handling some of the personal things I had going on the best way I could THAT SAME day. I told the whole team there was no way I was gonna force them to play the rest of the league with one of the staff and I will do everything I can to perform. We beat TSM and OXG and ultimately lost to Astralis.
Everything seemed somewhat normal after. There was no roster changes being made, we were talking about when practice will start next and all that.
It got quiet in the groupchat so I reached out to Lycan about the roster change and he asked to speak outside. To sum up our conversation he basically said that I was the outlier when it came to having an argument with someone on the team and it would always last longer. So i counter the statement with if I'm the one putting in the effort and doing what I can to solve a problem with a teammate and the other one is letting it linger at one point are they at fault. And again I didn't feel or even know there was a problem going on with someone else. It didn't matter but he said he would discuss it with said player. We then got to the point where he said the team wants to play Saudi Arabia with me but see where things go from there on a attitude level. I didn't feel that was genuinely the reason they wanted me to play saudi. I think and still believe it was because they didn't want to be forced to play with a coach or a new player knowing the prize pool of that event. Which I said that i dont want to play if im just going to get cut right after & asked to talk to the rest of the team on how they feel about everything rather just do this 1on1 stuff. We were suppose to meet in the practice room 10minutes after that conversation but I come to learn after sitting in the practice room for 20 minutes that Lycan went and had a private conversation with all of them before I was able to discuss with them. As everyone comes back into the practice room Lycan again asks me to talk privately and that is when I was cut saying "the team think its best to go with a CL player if you want your spot guaranteed after Saudi." So I just said okay and wished them luck.
I would have never shared my experiences with SSG, and I would have continued to take this with me as a lesson and an experience to learn from, but with all of the consistent jabs, and misinformation being spread I feel this was necessary. I enjoyed my time with SSG in the beginning. I felt that we were solid, and we’re going to take home a trophy and that didn’t happen. And sometimes it doesn’t. We weren’t a good fit, and that sometimes happens too. But I’m not okay with what’s being said when the entire truth isn’t being disclosed. Wish nothing but the best for SSG & wanted to share my perspective.