CaMiLLs · @TSM_CaMiLLs
22nd Feb 2019 from TwitLonger
The Departure. No longer on TSM.
What a long year it has been. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for my dad, I remember going to him wanting to start a YouTube channel and seeing his face light up was all the motivation I needed to give it a shot. When I first started on YouTube I was posting videos from NBA 2k to H1Z1 and even venturing into NBA League News. When Fortnite first came out it wasn’t something that interested me since I was playing PUBG heavily at the time with High Distortion and CDNthe3rd but Ceez saw something we didn’t. He told me to focus on Fortnite get good and stream it endlessly, I took his advice and it was the best decision of my life. My growth happened at a rapid pace with people at the time recognizing me and my gameplay. Ceez introduced me to HD and Dakotaz at the time and I didn’t know who he was at first but he was always such a genuine guy, it was never ending laughs and jokes with him. He is truly one of the nicest people I have met in this industry by far. He would always go out of his way to compliment my gameplay and host me every other day and I could never thank him enough for what he did for my career. I truly owe him a lot for putting me on the map and of course my brother from another mother CDNthe3rd always looking out for me and having my back. While this was all happening we were breaking records and making videos together, everything was going so fast. I had woken up one day to Dakotaz, HD, OP and Daequan trying to go for the longest win streak on fortnite, Dakotaz had to get off mid stream so I subbed in and we eventually got up to the high 20’s, it was a great run. After this there was a Fortnite Invitational where only streamers got invited to a customs, they started with solos and I remember one of the games top 3 were me HD and Daequan which made me notice Dae even more as a Fortnite player. There ended up being a duo customs and I asked Dae to play with me, he accepted and we ended up winning 3 out of the 5 games which boosted my confidence to an all time high. Eventually Myth had reached out wanting to assemble a team for an Org that contacted him, I agreed instantly. There were other orgs trying to recruit me at the time but after talking to close friends I ended up going with TSM and it changed my life. I got news of us moving into the team house and I remember showing the house and location to my parents, everything felt so surreal. So I packed my bags said goodbye to my parents and headed to LA! Everything was going well at first, me and Dae were partners for Fortnite Friday’s and we got Top 3 a couple times, everything was working out until I got inside my own head and started to doubt myself and my gameplay. I wish I didn’t looking back and I wish that I had believed in myself more but the pressure and anxiety had taken a toll on me and I let it take over. It felt like I had peaked which made me hate how I played and put me in a constant bad mood which led to me not streaming as much as I should have, I didn’t want people to hear me frustrated and I wanted to be the best for my community and set an example for the people who did stream to overcome the hatred and come out stronger from it. I was constantly saying this to myself and it never worked, I wish I had reached out to someone, to my brothers in the house, my family. Instead I detached myself from the teammates in the house and everything else, that will always be one of things I regret the most. I would just like to apologize to Myth, Dae and Hamz for not coming to them as a brother. I will never forget the memories of us going to team dinners, listening to the new Kanye album with Dae, watching Hamz & Dae freestyle in the living room, ping pong whenever we had the chance and all the in between. I wish them the best always and I hope they continue their success, they are all dope guys and I will always have nothing but love and respect for them. I also wanna thank TSM for everything they have done for me, Flash for always reaching out and not only being my manager but also for being a friend. Driving us everywhere even on days when he was exhausted, I really do appreciate it. I feel blessed to have been able to experience all of this and as sad as it is to say it’s over it doesn’t mean that I’m stopping. I still have the same dream, the same goals and as long as I still have that fire in my heart to help my dad open a bagel store and to finally be able to buy my mom a home I won’t stop grinding till I reach it. As long as they still believe in me I will never stop believing. Thank you to everyone that has supported me throughout this journey, especially the loyal ones that I know will stick by my side no matter what. It truly means the world and you guys keep me going on even the hardest of days. I will never be able to thank you guys enough. This is only the beginning.