Life, struggles, mindset, goals.

Hey guys since I have been absent from social media for a while I just wanted to write a piece to inform you guys on whats going on and whats hopefully going to happen in the future!

1. Post TI

After TI I was on the hunt of a team and had quite a lot of offers. Some from previous
Tier 1 teams others from not so well known teams. I was really psyched to get back into the
scene start training and competing in tournaments again. However good feelings usually don't
last long.

Shortly after having found a team, I accepted a little sidedeal, the Gaming-TV-Show
Heroes and Superstars. After the first day I arrived there I broke my hand due to a mountain
bike accident and the doctor told me I won't be able to play up to 3 months.

Obviously after hearing that I got really sad, the almost guaranteed comeback to the scene
was ruined and I was left with little to no options.


During the period of the injury I had a hard time dealing with my negative emotions. I
couldn't work out in the gym and I couldn't play DotA. Both of which I always do when I feel
sad or stressed. The people around me however made me remember how important it is to always look forward and chase your own happiness. Although I couldn't play DotA, I still watched countless hours of it every day and I went to tournaments as an analyst to stay in the scene and in close touch with the game.

3. Post injury

After 3 months my brace was finally taken off and I could move my fingers and hand again without feeling any pain or discomfort. I immediately went back to playing DotA and never have I felt like playing as much as I have during that time. I'd also like to talk about the change in mindset and attitude regarding myself. After being very successful with VG, winning many tournaments and placing very highly in even more I fell into the mindset of: I am super good and I deserve so much more than the people around me. That is a very bad illusion/trap to fall into. It clouds your mind and makes you stagnate. In this regard I am somewhat glad that I did break my hand (does that sound wrong?!), because it helped me break out of this vicious cycle and remember what's really important in order to become a better player and person. This coupled with my newly found passion all played part in me feeling like I'm currently in the best shape I've been in and I'm not planning to slip back into that faulty mindset.

I am 100% still looking to play competitively and at this present day I can confidently say
that I am in the best shape I have ever been in. DotA wise and mentality wise. I spent more time than ever before playing and analysing my own play, being more efficent than I have been in the past. I'm trying very hard to get back into the scene as a player and won't stop until it happens.

4. Chongqing Major my last event as a talent?

Shortly before the Chongqing Major, I had a couple of teams reaching out to me showing interest in playing with me, however I didn't realize how tightly scheduled everything was. The open qualifiers for the next major are to be held DURING the CQ-Major making it impossible for me to play it. After hearing that, I obviously considered not going to the major at all, but because I had signed a contract with them I had no chance of pulling out. Either way I think I wouldn't have because I would have felt awful pulling out on such short notice, possibly leaving them short staffed. No team would want to play with someone that is going to miss the major qualifier, thus I am once again back to the search. Another huge setback I experienced due to coming here is, that I would have been the standin for Liquid here at the Major. After I spoke to them they said they did not contact me, because I was listed as a talent working for the major. Liquid already arranged for Shadow to arrive at the same day they did . Liquid is a team of their word and I respect that a lot .I was and still am absolutely sure that I would have impressed players and fans alike. It is very hard to put into words how much confidence and motivation I have gained due to my recent setbacks, but im burning up inside with passion, waiting for another chance to present itself. I personally believe such confidence can't be faked and I am more than willing to prove it. As a consequence of focusing so hard personal growth though, I probably won't find much time to stream (until I find a stable team at the very least) and also won't be attending events as talent anymore. The time to go is now.

Lastly I'd like to say thank you to everyone who has supported me and still is supporting me.
It means a lot to me. I have been somewhat abscent from social media lately, but I can
guarantee you all it was for personal growth. And grown I have! I will be back and it will be
awesome. Once again. Thank you.

P.S. Keep working hard and always remember: Comfort is the enemy of progress!
P.s.s. Hopefully there aren't too many typos.

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