content warning / / sexual assault
At Genesis 5, while Kayla and I were still dating, there was a morning where she was really stressing about pools and Smash Sisters, and kept asking me if sp1nda could come over to practice and warm up. I repeatedly told her no, I'm exhausted, I haven't been getting any sleep, please don't invite anyone here, I really need the silence. She kept asking and kept insisting and I continued to tell her no, please, I'm so tired, please let me sleep.
Eventually, Kayla climbed on top of me while I was still half-asleep and started touching me, in what I interpreted as a way to try to get my to change my mind by exerting her sexuality over me and trying to use sex to convince me. I was really groggy and not totally conscious while this happened. I don't remember how I got her off of me.
She decided to invite sp1nda over anyway.
When I woke up again they were playing Smash and I couldn't sleep because of the noise. I kind of stormed past them into the bathroom and slammed the door, got in the shower, and started crying. I don't know how long I was in there before Kayla told sp1nda to leave.
She knocked on the bathroom door and asked to come in. I was already in the shower crying. I said "I guess" and let her in. She got in the shower with me and I faced a wall and wouldn't look at her. I was crying and said "I just don't think that you should be using sex to get what you want from me". She said "Shit, shit..." like she hadn't even considered that she had done that. She told me that she hadn't intended that, and when I asked "Then what were you trying to do?", she didn't have an answer for that. I don't know what she thinks she was doing.
It has taken me a long time to process that this was just one part of what was an emotionally abusive relationship in a lot of ways. There was a long time when I believed her when she said she didn't mean to violate my boundaries like that and that she wasn't trying to use sex to convince me, but looking back on it with more clarity, I have no idea what else she possibly could have been doing.
The best proof I can provide is these screenshots of me talking about it on my private account on twitter a month or so ago:
These screenshots also cover some of the other emotionally abusive/manipulative things Kayla did to me, which I think further demonstrate the type of person she is.
I hope that I have built enough trust in this community that people will believe me.
Kayla also confided in me multiple times that she had a repeatedly groped another player at Genesis 4 without their consent. I've reached out to this person, and while they've asked me to let them remain anonymous, they've given me permission to share their story below. I want to warn up front that this was really fucking upsetting for me to read and if you have a history with sexual assault I really suggest you don't read any further.
I don't remember exactly how we started talking but it was sometime after big house 6. We talked pretty frequently and were becoming friends. Basically what i'm getting at is that we built up a lot of trust.
One night at G4 we took molly together with a couple other friends. She did not handle it well physically. She got sick and threw up It was her first time taking molly and after that happened i tried to keep a close eye on her and take care of her.
Jesus i even remember what i was wearing that night. I was wearing this flowery romper, pretty short exposing my thighs. She started touching me there while we were sitting down together at the venue. I was a bit thrown off but molly does make you touchy and I really trusted her. I really didn't think it was more than a purely molly touchy thing. But then it got bad.
She starts to tell me how much she wants to fuck me. And she wouldn't stop touching me. She wouldn't stop going on about how she had to have me. That we had to fuck. How beautiful i was. And she wouldn't stop touching me. I was on a lot of drugs, I was super fucked up and didn't know how to really handle what was happening especially because I thought i was with people I could trust. I'd told her to stop on several occasions. this went on for awhile. I repeated told her to stop touching me to stop trying to get me to sleep with her but she wouldn't listen to me. She kept touching me and got more than a little too close.
It didn't stop until a male friend of ours finally intervened. He was also on molly but could still tell that i was at that point beyond uncomfortable. He told her something along the lines of we're all trying to have a good time and to chill out quit touching me. She finally stopped. and i really really hate this part.
I'm grateful that he saved me but i hate that she wouldn't stop until a man intervened. She really didn't respect me at all. It really hurt. I thought we were friends. We had spent months getting close. I'm not sure if this was her intention from the start or if she was planning on hiding her feelings from me or if she didn't even know she had them. But i was very caught of guard and i feel like i was deceived into giving her that initial consent to touch my leg. I let her do it because she is a girl and its like she used that to against me.
Ive tried to pretend what happened was ok. that i wasn't bothered by it but i couldn't forget. The whole night is vividly imprinted into my memory. After the night, our convos online were only initiated by me because i was trying to move on and pretend it didn't happen. I didn't want to be seen as a victim even to myself. She didn't reach out because she knew what she did. She said she didn't want to initiate any conversation because of how bad she felt about it. Eventually we stopped talking because as time went on i couldn't ignore how it really made me feel and eventually i wasn't able to talk to her anymore without reliving it.
A short while after she started becoming this kind of public figure for feminism and social justice in the community. And to be frank, it made me feel sick. I saw her shit everywhere and every time the memories came flooding back. while i appreciated what she was doing to an extent it really really really got to me knowing that she was everything she was fighting against.
I thought about reporting it a few times but I was never sure who i would even tell. and i didn't want to ruin her reputation as fucked up as that sounds. its so easy to know how wrong and backwards that logic is until its you.
i've told a few people in the community about what happened. My local TOs know. They said they would ban her if she tried to come to one of our events but i told them not to. Not that she ever came anyways. I'm not brave enough to go public with my name attached. And not just with this. I wish this was the only sexual assault i've dealt with in the community. I wish this was the worst but its not. Its happened more than a couple times now. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to come forward with it all but the thought of being pitied or being seen as a victim of this shit. I can't. I know its selfish but for now this is the best I can do.
Kayla is supposed to be running Smash Sisters at Genesis 6 this weekend and that genuinely scares the shit out of me. She has twice now severely violated someone's consent and boundaries at Genesis.
I'm sick of seeing people hold up Kayla as a feminist icon of the Smash community. I'm sick of her speaking out about how abusers should be banned from this community while having done this to two people who were close to her.
I have filed a report with the Code of Conduct panel, but Kayla is going to be in a position of authority this weekend and I felt like it would be morally wrong not to come forward about this. There is not enough time for it to be handled and I felt this was the only thing I could do.
Thank you for listening.